fatal love

chapter 158

The next three weeks were the worst of Sirius' life. Eff and Monty had good days and bad, but as time dragged on, the bad days got more frequent and the good days less so. Their skin got more green, the scales continued to multiply no matter what Sirius did. Errapel increased his visits from weekly to every other day, his face grave every time he did his checks.

"Is there nothing else that can be done?" Sirius asked him. "I mean, look at them, they're in pain!"

Errapel shook his head. "I'm sorry," he said, sounding sincere, "it's a hard disease. There's still a chance they could turn a corner though, it's important not to lose hope. We can only wait and see. Just keep doing what you're doing."

So Sirius continued with his new, draining routine. He never left his armchair in the Potters' bedroom unless it was to get food, and he helped them as best he could. He wrote to Remus, and he called James on the mirror every night, giving him detailed updates on what had happened - how long they had been awake for, if they had eaten everything, what Errapel had said. James always picked up. No matter where he was; if he was home with Lily, out on a mission, or once he was even in Ted's hospital getting his shoulder bandaged. And James would listen intently, speak to his parents if they were up, he would ask Sirius question after question and apologise for not being there.

Sirius felt like he was constantly on the verge of breaking down every single minute, as he kept hoping and hoping they would get better but could find no evidence of it happening. He didn't let himself break down though - he couldn't, because his job was to look after them, so that's what he did.

The May full moon came and went, and Sirius had to miss it. Remus told him that he'd written to Madam Pomfrey and gotten her to leave Hogwarts for a couple of hours to help him, which Sirius supposed was alright. He knew she would make sure Remus was okay.

It was the only time he doubted himself though, that maybe he'd made the wrong decision. That maybe he should be looking after Remus right now instead, that that was his job. He didn't know. At least he could actually help Remus after a full moon. It was clear that he was doing absolutely no good here.

And he hated cursing Remus - he hated putting him through the pain of healing him, it haunted him. But he hated the idea of not being the one to do it even more - that Remus had to go through it alone. Even if he wasn't really alone, even if Pomfrey had done this for Remus a hundred times before, Sirius should be there.

But then Eff or Monty would wake up for a bit, and they'd manage to have a conversation with Sirius, and he knew this was where he should be as well. It was like he was being pulled apart at the seams, with obligations to too many people and not managing to follow through on any of them.

He became obsessive about the Potters' health. He took to checking their temperatures every hour and recording it all in a little log. He refused to let them out of his sight, and didn't even like to sleep, for fear that he would miss something. Because if he just worked harder, then they would get better.

No one really got it except for James. He got letters from Marlene, Benjy, Pete, loads from Remus and Lily, but they all said how bad they felt for him, how hard this must be for him. Only James seemed to understand that this wasn't about him, it was about Euphemia and Monty. So James was the only one he talked to, and they talked every night about how the couple were doing.

And it looked like James was struggling too. His face was gaunt through the mirror, bags under his eyes and mouth in a hard line. But Sirius knew he looked the same, and so it was okay. And he'd keep telling James not to worry about not being there, and James kept apologising for Sirius having to do it alone, and they had the same conversation every time.