fatal love

chapter 169

Sirius' breath caught in his throat, and he let out a moan, climaxing at the same time as Remus and seeing stars as he did.

"Again," he said breathlessly, pulling Remus down to kiss him once more before the endorphins faded. Remus smiled against his lips, and rolled off Sirius slowly.

"God," he sighed, "that was..."

"Yeah," Sirius agreed, his whole body feeling liquified. "Forgot how good that was."

Remus frowned, and Sirius prayed he hadn't said the wrong thing.

"Don't start thinking Moony, please," he implored.

"But Sirius-"

"No, no, no buts. That was good, we're good, can't we just leave it like that?"

"Are we good, though?" Remus asked. "Or are we just going to start fighting again? What's changed?"

"I don't know!" Sirius huffed, sitting up properly and giving Remus an accusatory glare. "We love each other, can't it just be that simple?"

"But it's not just that simple," Remus emphasised, sitting up as well. "You're struggling, Sirius. And when I did what it seemed like you wanted, you went running to Fenwick! And now you want to sweep it all under the rug."

Sirius groaned, leaning his head back and looking up at the ceiling. "I... I know I'm struggling, okay," he said quietly, choosing not to address the Fenwick accusation. He wasn't entirely sure how much of it was true. "There's just... there's just so much right now, so much that it's too much, and I don't think I'm handling it very well."

"I know there's a lot," Remus said, his tone gentle. "But I can't be the person you take it out on, okay? And we can't be what you start to doubt either. Because I have a lot to deal with too, Sirius, it's not just you. And I know I haven't been the best, but I'm trying my hardest."

Sirius nodded, biting his lip as he thought. He could do all that, if that's what it took. What Remus was asking for was fair, and he supposed he held some responsibility for the last few months as well. And he didn't want to carry on feeling so insecure and isolated, so if Remus wanted Sirius to try harder, then Sirius could give it a shot.

He just didn't think they had to have the whole conversation about it. Sirius would fix things, and then they would be perfect again.

Decisively, he moved and swung his leg over Remus' torso, sitting on the boy's stomach and leaning forward until he could feel Remus' breaths hit his face.

Remus' hands moved immediately to rest on his thighs, and Sirius smiled. He'd missed that - how eager Remus had used to be to touch him. Feeling his hands again was reassuring.

"We can make this good again," Sirius murmured with absolute certainty. "Remember when we first moved here, how great that was?"

"I remember," Remus said quietly.

"We can make it like that again. I love you as much now as I did then, Moony, and that's all that matters."

Remus smiled, his hands creeping upwards. "Love you too, Pads."

Sirius licked a slow stripe up Remus' neck, feeling Remus shiver underneath him, and ran his hands along Remus' chest.

"Then fuck me again," he whispered. "Quit your worrying, and start using your mouth for something better than bloody talking."

10TH JULY 1980

The next couple of weeks were like a honeymoon period, as if all the fights and anger and resentment had been completely forgotten and the slate was wiped clean. Sirius stopped checking in on Benjy and Marlene every day and stayed in the cottage whenever he could, and it was all so lovely and idyllic.