fatal love

chapter 103

January swept by Sirius, a haze of stolen kisses and hidden whispers that filled him such sweet satisfaction it was incomparable to anything else. In his own way, Remus was attentive, and caring, and even romantic, albeit fumbling and unique.

Sirius was quite sure that Remus felt he had a lot to make up for, and was trying to prove himself in some way, but he found that he did not mind. All that mattered was that it was working. Every time Remus dragged him into an abandoned classroom, or nudged their feet together under the table in the Great Hall, Sirius felt such a thrill, and so much affection, that any resentment he might have been holding onto floated away.

That wasn't to say everything was perfect. They were still yet to tell anyone about their relationship, and so most of the time they spent together, they were still limited in how they could act. Sirius was eager to tell James and Peter. This was partly so they at least wouldn't have to keep up the charade of being just friends in their own dormitory, but also because the more time passed, the more guilty he felt about keeping something this big from James.

He was trying not to push Remus though. He knew being with a guy was still new to Moony, and Sirius certainly hadn't been ready to tell any of the Marauders about his sexuality for at least a year or two after figuring it out for himself. So he tried to be patient with Remus, and move at his pace.

Then there was the fact that Remus seemed reluctant to do more than snog him. Sirius had thought it had been a coincidence at first, but by now he was sure it wasn't. Remus seemed to be perfectly happy to make out with him, but as soon as Sirius tried to take things up a notch, Remus would roll away, and start a conversation about something random.

Sirius suspected that this, too, was because they were both guys. He tried to be sympathetic, and didn't mention it, but it hurt, more than a little. He knew better than anyone all the bullshit that came with being queer, and he knew Remus was forcing himself through it for Sirius. That Remus wouldn't have all these problems if it was Sadira he was dating, or one of the many other girls Sirius caught eyeing him. Knowing that stung, but there was nothing he could do.

Towards the end of January, Sirius got excited when James offered to go and give Pete some extra help in Transfiguration. As soon as James made the offer, Sirius looked to Remus, raising an eyebrow. Remus gave him a small smile, nodding subtly.

As Pete and James both left them to go to the library, they both hurried up to the dorm, blatantly ignoring the Gryffindor girls who waved to them as they rushed through the Common Room.

As soon as Remus was through the door, Sirius slammed it shut and locked it, not having time to do anything else before Remus was pressing him against the wall, covering his neck in kisses.

"Those two need to start ditching us way more often," Remus said solemnly.

"Absolutely they do," Sirius agreed, pulling on the collar of Remus robes. He walked them both towards his bed, and they toppled on top of it, breaking apart. Sirius climbed on top of Remus eagerly, rolling his hips as he sucked on Remus' neck.

Remus let it continue for a while, but then nudged Sirius off of him. "So Lily told me she might say yes next time Prongs asks her out," he said casually.

Sirius groaned audibly. "If you don't want to go further than snogging, then just say that, Remus," he snapped. "You don't have to keep trying to distract me. I can handle a no."

"I-" Remus' eyes widened, and he looked a little ashamed. "I wasn't-"

"Yeah, you were. Look, it's fine, if you aren't ready, then that's okay, I get it." Sirius snorted. "I get it better than almost anyone. Just be honest."