fatal love

chapter 151

16TH OCTOBER 1978

Remus came into the living room, a grim expression on his face, and Sirius' heart sank.

"It's time?" he asked.

Remus sighed. "Yeah. I'll be back in a couple of days."

Sirius got up, walking over and linking his arms round the back of Remus' neck. "You don't have to do this," he implored. "It's obviously not working, you're only getting yourself hurt."

"Moody says-"

"I don't give a toss what Moody says! Maybe you could talk to Dumbledore, or just say no , for Merlin's sake Moony. They can't force you."

"They aren't forcing me," Remus said gently. "But if this is where they need me, then this is where I'll be."

Sirius stared at him. "Fine," he said after a moment. "Then I'll be here when you get back."

"Thank you. Really."

Sirius kissed him. "Don't do anything stupid. Just... stay as safe as you can. Please."

Remus smiled, but didn't reply; he just disapparated away.

Sirius groaned, cracking his spine. It was Sunday, and Remus wouldn't be home any earlier than Tuesday morning. He was still a nervous wreck every time Remus left, but it wasn't as overwhelming as it used to be.

Deciding he may as well keep himself busy, he set about cleaning the house. He'd had to practice his basic housework spells since he left the Potters, and he was getting pretty good by now. With a few flicks of his wand, he set the kettle to boil, a rag started washing dishes and the broom began to sweep by itself.

The unfortunate thing about improving his magic when it came to chores was that they didn't really fill the time anymore. It only took him half an hour to polish the whole house from top to bottom, and then he was once again left with nothing to do.

Boredom seemed to be his most common problem these days, he thought as he lit up a cigarette. He'd have thought that working for the Order would be constant duels: battling, fighting for his life and dishing out some much-needed retribution. Instead, he was always looking for ways to fill the hours, just waiting to be needed for anything of importance as he stood on the sidelines.

And it wasn't like they were winning, or the tides were even starting to turn. No, it just seemed like Moody was reluctant to use him, and that half of the things asked of him were made up just to give him something to do. It had been over a month since the fiasco with the Hogwarts Express, and sure, Sirius had appreciated the break at first. But it was the middle of October by now, and he just felt restless.

The restlessness only ever intensified when Remus left, and Sirius was lonely and worried as well as side-lined. That was another odd mix of feeling that Sirius didn't want to examine too closely. Yeah, obviously he hated that Remus had to go through the same shit every month, that he was being torn apart every time, he knew it was horrific. But...

But.

But Moody wanted Remus, had things he needed Remus for, that only Remus could do. Dumbledore wanted Remus. Dumbledore had fucking requested Remus, hadn't he, way back in Seventh Year. When he'd put his "requests" to Lily. He'd requested Sirius too, but as time went on, Sirius was growing more and more suspicious that the old crook only said that so he could keep an eye on him.

Remus, James, Lily... they were all in the Order to make a difference. That's why they'd been chosen, sought out. Sirius was in the Order because they all thought he was too much of a threat not to be. He knew that now.

Can't have a Black running wild. No, he clearly wasn't trusted. A last resort to use, and only a part of the team at all because they didn't believe he wouldn't go running back to Grimmauld Place and the cult of the Sacred 28 otherwise.