fatal love

chapter 69

Sirius, James and Peter had almost finished their breakfast by the time Remus joined them in the Great Hall the next day. He sat down opposite Sirius silently, reaching for the cereal.

"Where were you, Moony?" James asked around a mouthful of food.

"Uh," Remus went bright red, "I was breaking up with Sadira."

Sirius almost choked on his coffee, shooting his face up to look at Remus. Remus was steadfastly looking at his bowl, avoiding any eye contact.

"What, why?" Peter asked, concerned.

Remus shrugged. "It just wasn't working out."

Sirius stared at Remus intently. What did that mean? Had Remus been going to break up with her anyway - they'd looked pretty happy just last week. Or was it because of last night? Had Sirius not been imagining what he thought he'd been imagining?

"Shit, I'm sorry, Moony," James said, his face falling. "That sucks."

"I'm fine," Remus said.

James elbowed Sirius pointedly. "Say something," he muttered.

Remus glanced up to look at him, and Sirius froze. What the fuck was he supposed to say? If Remus had broken up with Sadira for him, he couldn't pretend he was sad about that, could he? But he couldn't act happy either, especially because he might still be misreading things.

"As long as you're happy, Re," he said eventually.

Remus gave him a soft smile. "Thanks," he said, and Sirius breathed a sigh of relief.

That week, he and Remus avoided each other like the plague. Before, it had only been Sirius who was skittish and evasive, but ever since his birthday, Sirius was sure Remus was dodging him too. They didn't speak to each other outside of group conversations, and Sirius was almost certain that Remus kept blushing around him.

It was freaking him the fuck out. He'd been depressed before, sure, but at least then he knew where he stood. He had had no chance, and he had accepted that. Now he had no idea what was going on between him and Remus, or what any of it meant. But ignoring his problems was always his go-to strategy, so that's what he did. He abstained from interacting with Remus wherever he could, and tried not to think about the situation he'd managed to get himself into.

Even forgetting about the whole Remus situation, this year wasn't exactly going great for him. For the first time, he was falling behind with his schoolwork, and half of his detentions weren't for pranks or misbehaviour, but missed assignments. It wasn't even that he couldn't do them, it was just that he couldn't be bothered. Detention and house points weren't that big deterrents when compared with Walburga's Crucios, which kept coming back to haunt him.

He was visiting the library once or twice a week now, just to get some peace and quiet. The loud atmosphere of the Common Room he used to love so much now set him on edge, with sudden noises or random spells making him jump. He kept thinking she was behind him, and he kept having to get away from everyone, just to decompress.

He was well aware Madam Pince kept watching him when he visited. He never did any of the schoolwork he was behind on - it wasn't enough to distract him - but he would choose other NEWT textbooks to study, normally Defence or Charms or Transfiguration, stuff that would be useful when he left Hogwarts, if the war was still going on. Madam Pince would keep coming to check on him, under the guise of doing a sweep of the room or something else obviously false, but he would always wave her off. Still, he figured, it was sweet that she was trying.