He Lost And He Found (Depressed Bakugou)

Chapter 38

Recap

[...]

"Let's go to the Arcades and have some fun together,"

[...]

He knew if he would go back to the idiots he would destroy the atmosphere, so he made his way back to the dorms.

[...]

He sits on the edge just like he had before he pushed himself off, only that he now doesn't feel the need to do it. Not yet.

[...]

He wanted to be the reason that Shinso laughed and smiled.

[...]

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A week and a half has passed Bakugou is waiting for Monoma to come. The training had continued, however, did Shinso told Bakugou more and more often that he couldn't come because the Bakusquad had asked him to hang out with them. In the time that Shinso is now in class 1A he and Bakugou had been drifting apart. There was no awkward tension or discomfort, Hitoshi simply did more and more with the others from the class. 

Bakugou also could notice that Denki did more with his old friends after the Arcade. Katsuki was glad, he really was. It was something he wanted for so long. He was relieved to see that Denki was talking normally with his friends again. 

"Hey is he not coming again?"

Bakugou didn't need to turn around to know that this voice belonged to Monoma. The two became actually something like friends- frenemy would be a better term probably. Bakugou started to do more and more training with Monoma, who has a close eye on him. When the three of them would train it was always fun, but when Shinso wouldn't come it felt like someone was missing. Shinso was the one to bring the three together indirectly. He was the one that made Bakugou see the fun in training, he was the one that was able to cheer them up no matter what. 

"No." 

Monoma stepped infront of Bakugou watching his face closely. Bakugou didn't cared he just sat there not moving an inch. After several minutes Copycat sat down next to Bakugou. 

"It's about him, isn't it?"

No reaktion from Bakugou.

"Ok if you don't want to talk than I will tell you what I think you are thinking about. First of all it's about Shinso. Two he isn't here again. Three you think that he was using you only to get in and now that he did he lets you down. Replaces you like some overused pencil. You started to accept him and he doesn't want anything to do with you. Am I correct?"

"Totally wrong. First of all he didn't used me Copycat."

"I know. I watched you guys train for weeks."

"Two he doesn't replaces me. Three an overused pencil?" Bakugou looked disparagingly at Monoma. "Is that all you could come up with? Pathetic."

Monoma replied with an annoyed eye roll. A grin appears for a short second on Bakugou mocking Monoma before he turns his head to it's original position. He continues starring daggers at the training ground for some minutes. Monoma watches Bakugou as his face goes from neutral to conflicted.

"And lastly he didn't do anything wrong it's me. I just don't know how to feel about him."

Monoma opens his mouth about to say something before deciding against it and closing his mouth again. He quite didn't understood what the boy next to him said. "What do you mean by that?"

"When Pikachu started to talk to me again I pushed him away. I tried to make him see that I am a monster because the class stopped talking to him. He didn't deserved it. Everyone would do it, maybe not the same way I did. But isn't it natural to try to make the people you care for happy even if it means that you have to sacrifice yourselve for it? I treated him shitty though he was the only person that spoke to me and still he came back! Every fucking single time. I didn't liked it. He wasn't supposed to come back and consider me his friend. Now that he talks with the other idiots again I don't particularly feel sad or shit like that. I feel rather relieved and that's the problem why I don't understand my shitty emotions with Eyebags situation.

He got sceptical stares because he was hanging out with me. However Pikachu invited the rest of the idiots and afterwards Shinso told me that it was really nice with them. Ears and him have the same music taste and such things. Good thing the class accepts him, but he starts to hang out with them more and more and I should be happy about it but I just can't. I want to hangout with him. I don't want him to leave me like everyone else. I want to spent time with him. I want to train with him regular again. I want to be selfish! Am I selfish for wanting to keep him from hanging out with his friends?!"

Monoma blinked a few couple of times. Were his ears decieving him? Or did the Bakugou Katsuki just opened up to him? He had seen Bakugou laugh, calm, caring, sarcastic, teaching, his typical angry self, but never has he seen Bakugou like this. So devasted and desperate for an answer.

Bakugou was grasping his hair tight pulling on it as he squeezes his eyes shut in an attempt to stop the tears from spilling. He was shaking and his breathing was loud and hard. As if he is running a marathon and the finishing line is near,b ut still not in sight. Suitable for this he sweat was starting to darken his sweat-shirt and making his skin glitter in the light. 

What Monoma wittnessed right now was way past Bakugou is about to cry. He was wittnessing Bakugou having a mental breakdown right infront of him in that very same moment. Never has he seen anything like that, he couldn't explain what he was seeing, too much knew feeling for him that were overwhelming. The darkness that Bakugou radiated got to Monoma. Twisting his heart and letting him feel the stinging of sympathy. 

His throat felt thick, what was he suppossed to do in such a situation. He doesn't know what too do when someone is upset or crying he only makes things worse. In the rare times that someone cried in his presents wether be it because of him being an asshole or because of unknown reason he got the talent to make the person cry more. He tried his best until he didn't cared anymore, but this was different. This time he cared. This time he wanted to help. 

A dry laugh from the side let's Bakugou open his eyes. Another knife right through his heart. The tears are now flowing freely. He did not expected this. Was he really that dumb trusting copycat. Did he really fall for that? He should have known better than trusting Copycat. Why would the other boy ever be friends with someone as pathetic as him? He once again let his guard down without thinking and now he gets brutally reminded about it. No one cared they all laugh, did Shinso just covered it and did it behind his back? Maybe he is telling the others about everything? NO! He would never do something like that. Bakugou tries to fight the bad thought's, the voice that is whispering to him once again. Something he hasn't missed one bit. Something that came back resentless after Shinso got into his class.

"I don't belive it. Are you really that stupid or are you just trying to get pity?"

Monoma on the other hand was glad Bakugou couldn't see him. He had no idea why he started laughing. He didn't ,eant to laugh. Once again he messed up. He has to do something to get it together, make it up to Bakugou.

"What you are doing is not one bit selfish. It is the most selfless act I have heard in my whole life. I don't know one person that would sacrifice themself for the greater good of their friend. I don't know what you are thinking right now, but let me tell you if I were in your shoes I wouldn't try to safe the relationship of Pikachu and the class. I would have kept him close not caring about the class. And I am pretty sure that everyone else would have done it aswell. So when I say you have every right to wish for Shinso hanging out with you, you will believe me."

The confidence in his voice surprised him. He had no idea that he was capable of such words. He was wandering if it was only a dream and even if it was, he was helly proud of himself. It felt great to know that he can cheer someone up, well if it works. He hoped it atleast didn't made things worse again.

"Selfish would be when you would do everything to ruin his friendship with the other extras. You are definitely not selfish." Monoma finished.