He Lost And He Found (Depressed Bakugou)

Chapter 40

Recap

[...]

"I will. Thank you for informing me Monoma."

[...]

The class changed good and bad.

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His son needed time to think and so did he.

[...]

Keep hoping that nothing happens, that he did the right thing with staying.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's the day after his breakdown and Bakugou found the way to a deep sleep suprisingly good today. Not even 10 minutes and he was in a deep slumber. It was for him only a matter of time until he would wake up. It seems impossible for him to sleep more than three hours at the same time. So why would this time be different? 

It's dark, something that Bakugou is already used to. Nothing new. Silhouettes of trees are forming from an unknown light source. This wasn't new for him as well. It always started like this. First black than slowly forminng clear surroundings until the nightmare begins. The forest gets lighter and lighter and radiates an unbearable heat. Katsuki is starting to sweat, he should be scared of what is coming for him this night. However, he doesn't care, he doesn't has the energy to care anymore. He closes his eyes and lays down waiting for whatever is out here to scare him. Down on the ground is it cooler, the heat almost seems none existing. 

"Long time no see," a deep voice dissapointed tells him.

Bakugou doesn't open his eyes, it seems to be too much of an effort. He tries  to think about what it could be this time. 

The person towering over him doesn't seem to like it very much. Kicking Bakugou's leg lightly trying to get him to open his eyes. He doesn't. The kicks become harder until they start to hurt. 

"Can you stop already? Can't you see I won't open my fucking eyes you stupid nightmare?"

The kicks stop. A sigh comes from the person  nad then he hears them sitting down next to him.

"I am no shitty nightmare blasty! And if you only one more time call me shitty I am gonna kill you. You hear me Kat?"

Bakugou opens his eyes a little bit  only to see Dabi next to him. Great. That is exactly what he needed. Being back at Sekoto peaks with this villain.

"Shut up this is my line, but please do it, Kill me. Then I don't have to do it."

"Kat. No. We talked about this last time."

"Don't care. Life is shitty and no one needs me let alone wants me. I am a waste of space. Besides if you kill me it wouldn't be so pathetic. And I guess it would be nicer for everyone else, even though they hate me I would make them guilty. They probably wouldn't be able to take it especially that damn nerd. If I kill myself then he would become so damn depressed it would be annoying. If you kill me they wouldn't feel as guilty. I would do them a favor and you would do me a favor. Everyone is happy. So deal?"

"NO! Why would you still care for them even after everything?!"

"Don't know? Maybe I just want to make it up to Deku." Bakugoou muffled the last part while turning to his side away from Dabi."

"God it physically starts to hurt at this point. Do you know how much I hate these goodie people that always put others first? If not, now you know and you are literally this kind of person even more." Dabi groaned. Laying down in the grass.

"Good then it makes it easier for you to kill me."

"Pff hahaha sorry to dissapoint you, but you matter too much for me."

"That was just cheesy as fuck. Disgusting." Bakugou turned around to lay on his back again. 

"Tch. Still I won't kill you. I will make sure that you live. Hey! I got an idea why don't you fake your death. Then you could start a new life somewhere else. Be someone entirelly new. Someone you always wanted to be. What do you say? I know someone that could get you a knew ID and different look."

"So basically like you?"

"Yeah..."

"No thanks not interested in ruining other peoples life. Did that enough already."

"Ok, but damn what happened? This is dark, darker then me. It wasn't that bad a few weeks ago."

"Just realised I am no use for anyone anymore. Everyone is happier when I am not there anymore."

"What about this Eyebags kid and Toga's secret brother or that Pikachu I thought you were hanging out with them?"

"Pikachu and Eyebags are happy with the other idiots and Copycat is doing fine he really doesn't need the training with me anymore. He can do it himself."

"Yeah, but maybe he wants to train with you."

Both fell in silence after this. Bakugou was thinking about what Dabi said and Dabi was thinking about Bakugou and how to help him. Both stayed like that for several minutes until Bakugou broke the silence.

"If I would choose to start over again what would it make for a different?" He looks to Dabi, who turns his head as well. "It wouldn't change the fact that I am not needed or that I don't have any purpose in this thing we call life." Bakugou sits up looking at the grass with these empty eyes. "It wouldn't change at all you know? Everything would simply go with me to this new life. And even if I would be able to find people that care for me, I would drag them down with me. It has a reason that I don't like to get friends because I am too fucked up. I can't stop the thoughts. They are too powerfull. They are stronger than me and use every chance they get to ruin my life. The best way is to make the people suffer that I care for through me. Do you understand Touya? I can't have friends. I am not strong enough. I am weak." 

"I really admire you. I really do. You are still fighting where I gave up a long time ago. I do understand that you are tired, even though I have never been in your shoes." Dabi mimmicks Bakugou and is now sitting beside him starring in the night sky. "If you ask me for a favor I will do it. Everything except killing you. I will make sure that you don't give up living because you deserve more than anyone else to live and see the bright side. If you need an escape from your school know that I am willing to kidnap you once more. I will help you get through this because you are strong. Because you still have the chance to make things better. Don't be like me and toss everything away."

Bakugou looks at Touya his eyes shining with tears and pain.

"Please Touya don't do this to me. Don't make me stay in this world any longer. I can't take it. You are expecting to much from me. I can't live without any purpose. There is no reason why I exist. I don't even know why I exist and it's killing me. Please tell me why I exist or kill me."

Dabi's eyes widen. The desperation in his voice is hard to resist.. He wants to help him and he knows to well that killing him would end his pain the fastest. That Bakugou was way to long in pain. He knew that Bakugou has every right to give up. Now it's his part to stay strong and help his friend to get back up. He can't give in. 

The fire starts to lash out and burn the whole forest to the ground with the two boys in the middle. They know their time has come to an end.