He Lost And He Found (Depressed Bakugou)

Chapter 68

Recap

[...]Of course he will be fine as long as Shinso is on his side.

[...]"Asshole." Momo glared at him before finally beaming.

[...]During Lunch he was kidnapped by Monoma who interrogated him and had him feel guilty for not informing him at all.

[...]"Tch. Don't ever touch me again or you can say hi to your brother in the afterlife."

[...]"Hey, dunceface open up. We need to talk."[...]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Denki opened his eyes, sweating. Why couldn't he get rid of this image? Why does it have to haunt him even after Bakugou went missing?

Denki hated himself for turning his back on Katsuki, but Todoroki's beaten and lifeless body didn't wanted to leave his mind. He couldn't understand how everyone could be so fine with it, even their old friendgroup apologized. How could they suddenly just act like those past months of isolation never happened?

Denki couldn't wrap his mind around it. Everytime Bakugou knocked on his door asking if he was ready to talk about it he felt guilty and appalled at the same time. At least the feeling was fair seeing as he had troubles looking directly at Todoroki as well. 

He could still feel Todoroki's blood flowing beneath his hands. It wouldn't stay inside the body. No matter how hard he pressed the blood kept coming. There was so so much. A never ending stream of the crimson liquid.

 He remembers the burned clothes melting onto his classmate sickly pale skin as well as his raw flesh. The expression of shock stayed on Todorokis face and his loosing heartbeat. 

Denkis heart thumped loudly in his ears as he tried to listen to the muffled instruction of his teacher. And a faint whisper clearer then it should have been coming from Todoroki's lips in a moment of short lived concsiousness. 

Touya. 

One word before he was out cold again on the edge of loosing his life.

Denki turned up the volume. His favourite song was playing. Concentrating on this mindless game again. Everything to keep his mind away from the memories of that night.

It knocked like every other week. Before Denki could here the voice he shouted.

"Go away Bakugou!"

"Denki, it's me. Can I come in?"

Shinso's voice surprises Denki. What could it be that he wants?

"I want to show you the new cat memes we talked about during lunch."

Oh that's right. Shinso agreed to drop by later and show him the memes. How could he have forgotten it. 

"Ah right sorry I forgot. Come in the doors open." 

Denki quickly tried to mask the traces of trauma with a smile. There is no need to make anyone worry. This is supposed to be a fun hangout to keep his mind occupied.

However his mask was soon dropped as he saw who had entered. 

Not quite as tall as Shinso, a bad posture, explosive blonde hair and red eyes right over Shinsos voice changer mask. 

'A dirty trick' was Denki's first thought.

He wanted to tell Bakugou to get out and leave him alone. He wanted to stand up and shove him outside to slam the door inside his face. He wanted to scream at him for using Shinso's voice to get in. Yet, he couldn't move. 

Bakugou tossed him some of his favourite snacks, and sat down at the floor in the corner from his bed and the wall. Denki only faced him because he had turned his head so much. It made him wonder if Bakugou intentionally sat outside his vision.

"Should I keep talking with eyebags voice? I can use a complete different one as well."

Denki slowly turned away from Bakugou. "Don't." He sounded harsher than expected. 

"Is it because of what I did to that halfnhalf bastard?"

Bakugou, now with his own voice, tried to stay calm at the thought of Todoroki.

Denki couldn't answer.

Bakugou waited.

"Yes or no?"

"Yes"

"I fucking knew it. I will explain myself and leave you alone."

Denki smiled. He sure as hell wanted to hear an explanation. 

"He pissed me off"

The smile was wiped off his face at those words. Bakugou couldn't be serious. This couldn't be his fucking explanation.

"He didn't mind his own business and prayed into mine. He fucking threatened me to tell him shit that doesn't concern him. And then he had the fucking nerv to choke me."

Bakugou paused calming himself once again. He didn't want to raise his voice. Not this time.

"Anyway, my body reacted before my mind knew what was going on. I'm gonna be honest, I would have killed that bastard if it weren for you and Eyebags stopping me. I never wanted to kill him. It happened on instinct."

The silence that followed was long and heavy. Both being in their own minds.

Bakugou left the room silently. He didn't looked at Denki nor did he dare utter another word. His explanation was done and he held true to his word leaving Denki. He would stay on distant from now on.

Denki had hoped an explanation would ease his mind, yet nothing changed. While he feels like blaming Bakugou even more now he also couldn't do it. Who wouldn't panic while being choked? 

It was true that Denki couldn't understand why Bakugou overreacted like that, he could only guess and point fingers at ptsd from the league. Who knew what those bastards had done to Bakugou. 

But was that reason enough to kill Todoroki? Definitely not. To make it worse Bakugou sounded as though he would do it again. 

Anger rised inside him. He despised the League, Bakugou, Todoroki and everyone on this damn planet. He hated all the evil and bloody useless trauma. He also hated himself for not stopping Bakugou or Todoroki sooner. For being a nuisance to everyone to not help rescue Bakugou. For doing nothing.

At the end of his rage was nothing but the horrible images his mind wouldn't forget. 

Bakugou arrived in his room to meet Shinso sitting in his chair.

"Here." 

He held the mask right under Shinso's nose signalling him to take it already.

"Thanks, could you two talk it out?"

Bakugou grumbled laying down on his bed.

"He let me explain, nothing else. Doesn't seem like he can forgive me for what I've done to that bastard."

"I think you should give it some time."

Bakugou didn't wanted to continue talking about it, so he changed the topic.

"Wanna train?"

Shinso shrugs, standing up.

"I will meet you in ten."

This brought a smile on Bakugou's face.