WOOSAN -Real

22

Wooyoung's pov:

The whispering, the screaming and any form of restraint that was trying to hold me back stops as I feel his lips touch mine. Maybe they're still there; but I can't hear them over the overwhelming emotions that run through my brain.

The momentary uncertainty of whether I'm doing the right thing is immediately cleared as I feel his lips move on mine, slow and hesitant as if any wrong move will set me off.

 I'm not running away. I'm not scared.

I decide to prove my point by wrapping my arms around his neck. The otherwise unnoticeable height difference jumps out magnified as I realize I've involuntarily stood on my toes to reach him better. I don't want this moment to end. I don't want this to be another one of my variation from reality episodes. I want this to be real. This is real.

Even in the middle of experiencing the best feeling of my life, the doubt and uncertainty manages to claw through me and I pull my head back. 

"Wooyoung" San's eyes are dazed, his voice soft and gentle. "San-Sannie" I manage to say through the light-headedness I'm feeling. "Sannie.." I know I probably sound dumb repeating his name like a child that's lost his way but can't help it.

"Sannie"  I repeat the only word in my vocabulary, the only word I can find while I look into his eyes. His eyes search mine as I hesitantly caress his cheek. So perfect . I trail my fingers along his eyebrow, then down his nose; tracing the perfection on his face to make sure he's there. 

To make sure he's real

I feel his other arm wrap around me while I continue tracing his features, drawing them into my memory and ensuring they stay forever. I trail my finger down his nose but deviate from my original route and head back to his cheekbone. "Smile" I whisper even though I don't have to. What I'm looking for is already visible. I stop my finger at it's destination and sigh as I feel the little indentation near the corner of his mouth.

How is he real?

I force my fingers to leave his dimple and move my attention to his lips. I'm about to resume my work when I'm interrupted by San's honey like voice. 

"Young-ah, you're beautiful" He says looking at me with an expression that makes my heart squirm. But I'm almost immediately filled with the need to correct him.

 "No you're beautiful." I state and don't expect him to challenge me. But he does.

"No you. You're the most fucking precious beautiful human being I've ever seen" My tear ducts attempt to flood with the emotion my heart can't handle but I blink them back determined not to cry. "No. You--are" I manage to get this much out before my I choke on my own words with the damn flood gates threatening to burst open.

"Wooyoung. Baby it's okay" I hear him say before I break down like a baby in front of him. "Young-ah, it's okay. It's okay woo" I try to hold back the loud sobs that keep coming from me as he hugs me in the tightest hug I've felt so far.

"Sannie--Sannie-San" I give up on trying to speak and let my emotions run over me like a fcking truck. I wrap my arms around him and let my hands roam all over him, every inch of him I can reach. The voices, the shit they made me do, the fact that I'm as good as a damaged good from eBay; every reason of why I'm not good enough for San, everything wrong about me starts clouding my brain.

Why would anyone love me? Someone with this much baggage to unpack

The thought of San not knowing what I face and who I really am only makes me cling on to him harder to the point of me being able to feel his hipbones sharp against my stomach. But it's still not enough and I try to pull him closer, even though there's zero space left between us now.