WOOSAN -Real

88

San's pov:

17 days.

We haven't spoken in 17 days. Everything feels like a nightmare that's never going to end. Everyone and everything is broken. Cracked.

Incomplete.

Every time I'd try to talk to him in corridors or after practice he'd always avoid me like I never spoke in the first place, like I was some sort of plague. If he was feeling generous, he'd even glare at me and shove me away before stalking off.

I've learnt to take the smallest things as a blessing. Even him shoving me away. I like to feed my growing illusion that we can, in fact become us one day. That there is a possibility. That there still is hope.

I try not to take his stand offishness seriously. It's become my new game to reverse the roles of our game, and to pretend every moment off  camera is scripted and pre-planned. Instead of the other way around.

I wonder how he's coping.

I once asked him and nearly got my jaw indented again.

It's scripted. 

It's scripted

Jongho's pov:

We have an event today at 5. I don't feel like acting today though.

It's not like people root for Jongsang  much anyways.

I stare at the uninhabited bed beside me. The pile of useless things on it has grown, my dirty clothes at the very top.

I thought that would make me feel better, but instead I feel sick in the stomach and end up kicking the heap of clothes down in one perfectly aimed kick.

I throw my empty bag of chips there instead. 

~ping!~

I glance at my phone and stare at the notification emotionlessly.

Event postponed till further notice.

I sigh in relief to reassure my body.

And ignore the disappointed little voice in me before cracking open a soda and switching my tv on.

San's pov:

July 8th. I don't know anymore

Seonghwa's pov:

He smiled at me during practice when he caught me looking. I didn't know what to do.

So I looked away.

Wooyoung's pov:

The pain is unbearable. I feel like breaking down every time I see his face. But internally.

Because I no longer have control over my own body.

I met him at the same restroom again. He didn't try to speak with me. Just pretended he was washing his hands until I finished my business and walked out.

I know for a fact that he started crying after.

Pathetic Pathetic Pathetic

My skin screams out loud words as I think about him. 

Pathetic, unBearable, hurt, firE

Deserve, untouch, eyebrow, ALLOW

Words I've carved into my skin whenever I needed a release. 

I check my phone and notice a new notification.

Gayeon. Met her last week.

Unlove

San's pov: 

Tomorrows my birthday. I don't fucking care.

I'd rather it be my death anniversary actually. Sounds more tempting.

"No" I talk myself out of the same thought for the millionth time. This is ridiculous. Almost as bad as that one time we had problems and went without speaking to each other for days.

But nah. That was nothing. We were best friends, sure there were feelings, but not this many memories.

Not this many obstacles to just let it go.

I would have asked myself, Choi San! You never give up and never on Wooyoung! What are you even thinking about?

But the thought just makes me laugh now.

I saw him kiss a girl before getting into a taxi with her.

..............................................................................................................

I apologize