WOOSAN -Real

37

Wooyoung's pov:

I watch his expression go from confusion to panic fast. Which means he must've heard me. Even though my voice was barely a whisper.

There are no voices in my head as I wait for his answer. I'm completely awake to the sensations I feel, the things I can hear and see; yet the possibility of all this being a scenario created in my head makes my stomach churn in an unpleasant way.

"I-yes. This is real.." I hear the uncertainty in his voice. But his answer isn't enough for me.

"San..where are we?" I watch his panic combine with worry as he answers with a hesitant "At the hospital?"

"No" I tell him firmly.

"No?" 

I sigh and realize that I can't expect him to know how to reassure me when he barely knows anything I'm going through.

"You have to..you have to be certain. There can't-it can't finish as a question" I tell him uncomfortably avoiding his eyes.

"..ohh.." I risk looking at his face again and see realization dawn upon his features. I immediately feel embarrassed. 

Now he's gonna know how messed up you are wooyoung. He's gonna know how pathetic you are

I frown at the distant voice trying to be heard. not now. I grip the railing with my free hand.

"We're at the hospital Wooyoung. I am here with you at the hospital. We are both in the same room. I am holding your hand and sitting beside your bed" I hear him speak slowly, his voice clear and soft.

I feel a lump in my throat as I look at him.

It took me less than five minutes to get him to understand, I realize and feel my eyes well up with tears.

I could have done this months earlier.

I wouldn't have had to hurt him so much 

Tears run down my cheeks and on to the pillow.

I wouldn't have had to say all the things I said

I unsuccessfully choke back a sob.

"Wooyoung..?"

I wouldn't have had to be the cause of his misery

My vision goes blurry as unwanted images of his face, his expression lost and broken, flood my mind. His eyes full of hurt and betrayal. 

The way he tried to grab hold of my hand even after I hurt him. All the times I shrugged him off roughly. 

"Wooyoung what's wrong??? Please don't cry-" I can't even focus on controlling my sobs anymore as images of me shoving him away clouds my vision.

Pushing him away from me when all I really wanted was his warmth.

The way I snickered at his pain, smirked at the hurt on his face.

I cower beneath the blanket and let the tear gates break open. The blanket does nothing to ease the cold that is rapidly spreading through my body. I feel my body tremble as I mutter the words "I'm sorry" over and over again.

I try to erase the mental images that flow through my brain . I hurt him. I hurt San. I hurt my Sannie. I shiver as the cold seeps through the sheets and freezes my body even as I feel sweat drip down my stomach at the same time.

"I'm sorry" My voice comes out high and pathetic, just like I am. I hear the screeching of an object being pulled against the floor and feel arms envelope me.

"I'm sorry" I say again as if saying the words repeatedly would fix what I've done. 

"Wooyoung, baby it's okay" I hear his low soothing voice whisper into my ear and feel his fingers move under the sheets in search of my hand. I tremble under his touch as I feel his fingers entwine with mine, his body lightly hovering over my pathetic shivering state.

"Sannie-Sannie I'm-sorry" I repeat feeling the coldness be replaced with a fire in my body as I feel his warmth engulf me.

"It's okay Woo. I understand. And I'm here for you. I'm here with you"  I can hardly see his face due to the overflowing tears that take over my body in spasms.

"You're here" I repeat after him and feel stupid.

Pathetic

"Yes baby I'm here.. this is real"

Real

This is real.

"This-this is real?" I ask one last time aware that I must sound painfully weak. The thought only ends up making me cry harder.

I feel the hesitation as he stops drawing circles on my hand and hold my breath.

There. Pathetic. He thinks you're pathetic

I shut my eyes tightly waiting for it to come, rejection, scorn, or even disgust.

Instead I feel him shift over me as he leans upwards and whispers the words "yes, this is real young-ah" before placing his lips on my forehead.