Two of a Kind

Chapter 58- Begging you to stay

As the both of you make it to your shared room, you turn to Bucky and ask him, "When did you find out you were going on this mission?"

"I found out late last night after you had gone to bed." Bucky says as he closes the bedroom door.

"And when we're you going to tell me?" You ask him, your voice laced with anger.

"I was going to tell you when the both of us were going to walk down to the meeting together but you had already left and there wasn't really a good time to tell you while we were in the meeting." Bucky admits as he sits down.

"This feels like a trap and I don't understand why Tony is all of a sudden having you go on this mission, when you haven't needed to go for the past several months." You comment as fold your arms close to your body.

Bucky looks over at you as you begin to pace around the room, "I don't know, doll, I'm usually not the one that calls the shots around here."

"Well, can't you talk to Tony and ask him not to go on this mission?" You ask adamantly, hoping that maybe there would be a chance that Tony would say that Bucky can stay.

"Not really, it's like I said, I don't really call the shots around here, it's usually Tony or Steve." Bucky adds as he watches you begin to pace the room.

You begin to think about his reoccurring nightmares of him getting ripped away by Hydra and him being turned back to the Winter Soldier and him being ordered to kill you. You turn around and ask him, "Okay, but what about nightmares?"

"What about them?" Bucky responds with his voice tense and low.

"Well, aren't you at least a little worried that Hydra will get to you again?" You question him, hoping that maybe bringing up Hydra will help him see that going on this mission is a bad idea.

"Of course I worry, doll! I worry about that all the time, ever since your accident! If I had a choice to back out of this mission, I would!" Bucky says as he gets up, only raising his voice just slightly.

"I'm not asking for you to back out the whole mission! All I'm saying is that Hydra normally doesn't send videos like that and change within an organization like Hydra change doesn't immediately happen overnight, it honestly feels like a trap!" You add as your voice starts to strain as you try and raise your voice as well, you stood there with your arms outstretched in frustration.

"What do you want me to do, doll? There's nothing that we can do, this is it! This is how it goes!" Bucky replies as you can see the anger and the sadness in his eyes.

"So you're just going to throw in the towel, just like that?" You ask him as you begin to feel as though you aren't getting through to Bucky.

There is a moment of silence as the both of you try and gather your thoughts, you think about your wedding that will be coming up in just a few months, "What about the wedding? We're supposed to be getting married here in the next four months and by the time you get back, we'll only have a couple months or less to get everything together and plan everything."

"I don't know, doll!" Bucky yells out of frustration, not knowing what to do in this situation as he runs his hands through his hair.

"Do you even care? Does this mean anything to you?" You ask as you begin to choke up, you feel confused and lost as though Bucky isn't listening to you.

"Of course I care! I just don't understand why you're getting so worked up over me going on this mission!" He replies as he outstretches his right arm trying to make a point from his side of view.

"I'm getting "worked up" because I'm too damn scared that something is going to happen to you and I care about you too much to let you throw this all away!" You say angrily but you're also trying to stop the tears from forming.

"Who said I'm throwing it all away? And mind you, I've taken care of myself for years before I met you." Bucky states through a clenched jaw.

"Fine then! If you can take care of yourself go on this stupid mission, see if I care if you come back because you don't seem to care that I care! Cause I can't do this with you anymore. Not with you. Not right now." You admit feeling defeated as you shake your head and you turn around and hold your body close.

The hurt look on Bucky's face had barely registered in your mind when you had said those words to him. He looks down at his feet out of guilt and leaves your shared room, closing the door behind him.

You turn around to see that Bucky had left your room, your heart felt like it sank to the floor as you realize what you have said to him. As you sit down on the edge of your bed, you felt a pang of guilt through your body as you try to process what was said between you and Bucky. You feel a tightness in your chest as this feeling of guilt starts to feel overwhelming to where you start crying. You decide to sit in your guilt and sadness for what seems like hours but turned out to be only an hour before you decide to get up and find your Aunt Laura to get some advice from her.