Painful love~Elmax~

Chapter 2: Are You A Dyke?

Max's pov

I was nervous when lucas said that we needed to talk. "let's go to the park near" lucas said. "why? Can't we talk here, I don't wanna go to the park, its its 1 am-" I said. "oh, please max, you've came here a few times at literally 2 am or so!" lucas angirly. I don't get why he's acting like that. "that's because Neil  and my mother were fighting lucas!" I said. "let's just go and talk there" he slowly said looking at me straight in the eyes. That look was kind of scary to be honest. He's never mad at me. The park was at least 5 minutes away from Dustin's house. But that 5 minute walk felt like hours. There was an awkward silence. I kept asking him what he wanted to say but he ignored me. We then finally arrived. We sat down on a bench. "lucas come on, tell me already, you're making me nervous-" I said but he cut me off. "why do you complain being here at 1 am when you literally often come her with el?" he asked. "what? I told you, I'm having bad days when my mom and Neil are fighting and el helps me, she's my best friend lucas I don't get what's the big deal-" I said. "Best friends?" he asked. Now I'm even more confused. "yeah? What is this lucas, this is so confusing" I said getting annoyed. "You don't like her just as a 'best friend' do you? You're staring at her all the time!" he said calmy but I could tell he was about to explode. I stared at him. "What are you talking about? I don't stare at her!" I defensively said. He scoffed. "I might be ugly but I'm not dumb max!" he yelled. "what? You're not ugly" I said. "I know you're lying, I'm just an annoying, black, ugly stupid boy! I'm so stupid for thinking that max mayfield the prettiest girl I've seen would like me, jeez I literally believed you! I'm so dumb" he said, his hands resting on his head as he scoffed. "No! You're not any of that! I-I do like you it's just-" I stuttered. I didn't even know myself how I was feeling. "Just what max? Huh? Say it!" lucas slightly yelled making me flinch,he noticed but didn't dare to care because of how mad he was. "say what?" I yelled back, feeling my eyes tear slowly. "That you have a crush on el! Admit it! Admit that you've been playing with me for months!!" he yelled. I never saw him this mad. I feel tears wheeling up, they wouldn't stop. "I don't know okay?! I don't know!" I yelled crying. "You don't know what huh? Say it!!" he yelled. All this was hurting me inside so bad that I just wanted to SCREAM. "I'm confused lucas! That's what I am!" I yelled. "Confused on what?" he asked angrily. "You don't understand" I quietly said sniffing. "of course I don't understand, I'm dumb" he said. My heart was beating fast. "I never said you're dumb" I quietly said. "Then what don't I understand? Explain to me. It's quite clear max! You liked el this whole time while we were together-" he said counting with his fingers. "you played with my heart, you didn't even bother to tell me, how am I supposed to feel about that? Huh?" he said. I was looking away, tears falling down my face. "It's not that simple lucas! I don't even know how I feel about el! It's so confusing and I'm trying to figure things out and it's not easy! You think I like the fact that you yell at me? You don't understand" I yelled. "Figure what out? That you're a dyke?" he yelled, that made freeze. I didn't say anything, just stayed still staring at him. That hit a nerve, badly. "you don't mean that" I whispered. He laughed. "hell yeah I do! It's the truth max" he said. "this isn't you" I whispered. "really? I'm done being nice with you, you broke my heart! I feel soo stupid right now, you're a freaking dyke that played with me for fun" he said. "I didn't play with you-I did like you at first but I wasn't sure sure if I felt-feel the same way anymore... I don't know who I am lucas and it's not easy-" I said but he cut me off by yelling again,making me flinch once again. "Okay!" he laughed mockingly. "Miss mayfield who is the one that played with my feelings that has it hard! Do you even hear yourself max?" he yelled. "you don't understand.." I whispered again, I couldn't stop crying. Why does he act like that? That's not lucas, I don't understand. "Yeah right! We're done, I'm done with you! I'll leave your dyke ass alone who apparently has it hard" he said walking away. I never saw him talking like this. I stood there shocked, with tears wheeling down my face, my breathing was fast. After half a minute I sat down on the bench. I put my legs on the bench, hugging my knees, burying my face on my knees still crying uncontrollably. I was shaking. My mind was replaying luca's words over and over again. They wouldn't go away. I felt so stupid, upset and hated myself for who I was. Last time I checked no one was in the park. I was alone,thanking god for that. But not for too long. I heard someone running towards me. I didn't even bothered to look up. "go away" I cried thinking it was lucas. I didn't want to see anyone at that moment. "max? Are you okay?" I heard a sweet voice that I regonized immediately. I looked up. It was el. The girl that ruined everything but I adored at the same time. How can this girl make me feel so happy but so upset at the same time. My heart was still beating fast, so was my breathing as I tried to calm down. El noticed, I saw her looking at me with empathy and sad eyes. "hey hey max, breath.. just breath.. in.. and out.." she said. I copied her so I can manage to breath properly again. After a minute it worked. She then pulled me into a tight hug as I buried my head on her shoulder. I couldn't help but cry. Her shirt was soaked with my tears. She rubbed my back comfortably and whispered comfort words in my ear. "it's okay.. I'm here.. Its okay" she kept repeating whispering. I hugged her waist tightly, still crying. That's what I needed. Her.. Just her..the girl that caused all this. But I just.. love her so much even though I don't admit it and its hurting me, a lot. Knowing she'll never feel the same way. After about 5-10 minutes I pulled away. I calmed down a little. What I saw after I pulled away shocked me slightly. El was crying too. Did I cause all this? Guilt built over me. "are you okay?" I asked. She wiping her tears. "yeah, I just-I don't like seeing my best friend hurt... I never saw you this upset but don't worry about me" she said sadly smiling. I looked down. Yeah. Best friend.. "I'm sorry" I whispered. "no don't be sorry" she said wiping the tears from my face gently. "why are you here, its-I don't know 2 am?" I asked sniffing. "oh-um-Billy called" she said. I looked at her confused. "he said you didn't come back home, got worried and called me since I'm your best friend, he called Dustin first since you were at his house but didn't pick up so I did" she said. "oh.." I said. "I got worried-and I came to look for you" she said. My heart melted. I don't deserve her. "how did you know where I was?" I asked. "we usually come here when we're upset right?" she said as I nodded. I looked down, not knowing what to say. "what happened?" she asked softly tilting my chin up, making me look at her. My face was soaked with tears as I wiped them away with the back of my hand. "nothing-it's just-lucas wanted to talk to me after we left-and we got into a fight-we um-we broke up" I quietly said. Of course I couldn't tell her the truth. "oh.. did he hurt you? You were like shaking when I found you" she worriedly said. "no he just yelled at me.. don't worry about it" I said. "of course I will worry about it max, I care about you.. so much, you can talk to me. What did he do?" she said caressing my cheek with her thumb gently. I looked down. "it wasn't his fault" I said. "what? What do you mean?" she asked confused. "I don't have feelings for him anymore and he got mad" I said. "Yeah but he must have done something.. really bad, I've never seen you this upset-" she said. "el..I'm fine" I said. "no, you're not max.."she whispered. "what actually happened? you can talk to me max" el said. I swallowed hard and sniffed. I nodded slowly. "he um-found out that I like someone else, I didn't cheat though and he got-pretty mad and called me bad things" I said. "oh.. who?" she asked looking away from my eyes for a second. "I-i-I don't-I don't want to tell anyone" I whispered looking down. "please.." i said looking at her. El nodded slowly. I could tell she was disappointed that I didn't tell her who. "oh.. okay.. I won't force you.. Just tell me when you're ready, I'm here" el said smiling sadly. I nodded. "thank you... I appreciate it, sorry for making you worry. Its like really late-" I said but she cut me off by hugging me. "no-don't apologise-I'm just glad you're okay, i thought you didn't skate safe, that something happened to you" she said quietly. "oh.. I'm okay" I said as we pulled away. "thank you el.."i said smiling at her,she smiled back. "of course" she said. I bended down to pick up my skateboard. "what are you doing?" el asked me. I frowned confused. "I'm going home, Billy and my mom are probably waiting for me" I said. "I'm not letting you go alone, I'll walk you home" el said. I was in awe. "oh.. thanks you don't have to" I said blushing. "but I want to" she said smiling. She took my hands and we walked home. My house wasn't too far away. Probably like 10 minutes by walking.

*later*

We arrived at my house. Billy was the one who opened the door. He immediately hugged me when he saw me. "oh thank god, I thought something happened to you" Billy said. (a/n:Billy is good in this story). "sorry" I whispered. He pulled away and smiled. "it's okay" he said. He then turned his head and looked at el. "thank you so much el for finding her" he said smiling. "no problem" el said smiling. "I should go, bye max and-" el said. "Billy" he said. "yeah Billy, see you tomorrow max" el said hugging me. "do you need a ride home?" Billy asked el. "no I'm okay, I'll walk" el said. "are you sure?" he said. "yeah thank you, I live close" el said as Billy nodded. Suddenly my mom came outside. Shit. "we thought you were hurt max, you can't just say you'll be back before 12 am and come back at 2 am!!" my mom yelled at me. "I'm sorry" I said. "where were you anyway?" my mom asked looking at el. Billy called el so I guess my mom knew that el was looking for me. "at the park" I said quietly. "at midnight? Why?" she asked. "I got into a fight with lucas okay? I don't wanna talk about it" I said getting annoyed. "your boyfriend?" she asked. "ex-boyfriend" I corrected her. "okay, don't ever do it again!!" she loudly said and got inside. The three of us stayed silent until el spoke. "um-I should go-see you tomorrow max" el said hugging me. "goodnight, sorry for keeping you up" I said. "it's fine, don't worry, I don't really sleep early anyways"el said. I nodded. She waved and walked away. I immediately ran up to my room.
I've started crying again. All I thought about was el, lucas yelling at me. Why am I like this? Why am I like this? I kept asking myself as I cried. Lucas hates me. Lucas disgusts me. Now he's gonna go tell everyone. What if my friends find out? What if he tells el? El is gonna hate me forever for sure. Its gonna ruin our friendship and I don't want that. I wish I could just brush those feelings towards el away. But they wouldn't go away. My thoughts drifted to Mike and el. How much I want to hold her hand, kiss her,hug her. I can't do any of that.. Mike can. The more I see them together the more it hurts me. I feel pain in the heart every time I see them together. How..happy she is with him. I just wish I was him. What does he have better than I do? I can treat her better. But I want her to be happy. How would she like someone like me? I'm a disgusting little dyke. Just like lucas said. Mike is attractive, obviously el likes him. I'm not... I just have stupid red hair with freckles on my face. I literally look like Pippi Longstocking. Mike is the one el loves, not me and never will be... As much as I hate to say it and admit it... I have feelings for el hopper. I know you're not supposed to feel like this towards your best friend. I hurt luca's feelings. I'm a shitty person and stupid-. My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on my door. "who is it?" I asked trying to act cool, not that I'm crying. "it's Billy, can I come in?" he said. "yeah" I said quietly. He opened the door and came in.

2421 words. To be continued...