Our Time Will Come - An After Story

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Emery

There are no words in the English language to describe how stupid I feel right now. No words. In fact, I could die with embarrassment. There's this quote that my mom stands by. Something along the lines of 'If you jump to conclusions, you make terrible landings.' And boy is she right. Only, I didn't jump to conclusions this time, i cannonballed into them and it's safe to say that I didn't land on my feet.

By the time I realised how foolish I was acting, it was far too late. "You accused me of cheating, with someone who turned out to be my own mom." Charlie's words reel in my head as I lay my head on his chest. We still haven't really talked about it. He called me crazy, we laughed about it and have been cuddling ever since, standing in the same spot. Quite frankly, I'd like to stay like this forever, but I know we need to have an unpleasant talk sooner, rather than later.

I know I need to admit that I'm in the wrong, but right now, i'd rather catch the plague than apologise. I know that's toxic, but sometimes I just can't help myself.

"You got my phone confiscated." I break the silence with a moody remark, still refusing to move from his arms. "I did?" He lightly smirks whilst looking me in the eye. "Yes, you did. You were texting me in class and old man Lewis swiped it right out of my hand." I scoff, still rather salty about the matter.

"That's what happened?" Charlie raises a brow. "I wondered why you stopped replying! I thought something had happened to you!" My beau emotes in a huff. "Wait til I see Lewis. I'm going to give that old fossil a piece of my mind." He scrunches his nose in disgust. My smile grows, knowing he is far too polite to even yell at Mr Lewis, but I love this side of him. The fiery side that gets him all worked up.

I go on to tell him about how my dad turned up at the school and made up some bogus story about a sick Aunt that doesn't exist, and the fact that I was so confused by it all, I forgot all about my phone.

"It all makes sense now." he exhales whilst pulling away from our embrace. "I was texting to tell you that Molly and Logan were on their way. I was freaking the hell out and hoping you'd be able to give me some moral support or some shit." he reveals and with that, I feel even dumber. He literally texted to tell me that his mom was visiting and I still flew off the handle, thinking he had some desperate chick over. If I didn't forget my phone at school like some imbecile, I would have known.

I grow concerned when he perches himself at the end of the bed, burying his head in his hands, his breathing fast and vigorous. "Hey." I say softly as I approach him. I cup his face in my hand, bringing him to look up. "What is it?" I say softly. I spot the tears in his eyes that are threatening to escape at any second. "I-" he begins, but almost chokes on his words. "It's been hard, Emery. Really hard." He admits, barely able to look me in the eye.

"I know that I'd thrive here. I've met friends, I love the campus, but that's nothing. Because I'm nothing without you. I need you to help me through this just as much as you need me, but to think that you don't even trust me.. that fucking breaks me." I feel my heart sink when his voice breaks and a stream of tears coat his rosey cheeks.

Fuck. It kills me to see him this vulnerable, especially as it's all down to me. I have really fucking hurt him. All because I jumped to conclusions rather than dealing with it like an adult. Here I am getting engaged and making grown up decisions when I couldn't be more immature if I tried. I'm a shitty excuse of a girlfriend and an even shittier excuse of a person.  In fact, I wouldn't blame him if he did cheat.

"Charlie." I swallow the frog in my throat as I begin to well up. "Please. Just listen to me Emery." He interrupts in frustration and I nod in agreement. "I have told you time and time again that you're the only one for me and I wish that my promise was enough for you, but it just isn't. And I'm afraid that it never will be." He stutters. It is good enough, it is.

"I fucking love you, with all of my heart, but if I'm giving everything I have and that still isn't good enough, I- I don't know what to do." He fully breaks down. He's in a flood of hysterics to the point he can barely breath and that alone brings me to tears. He's always the one to counsel me through my breakdowns. Seeing him this way is the worst pain I've felt in a very long time.

"Charlie I promise you, I do trust you. I do!" I hold his face with both hands in a pathetic attempt to calm his nerves. He begins to shake his head in denial and feel defenceless at this point. "I can't breathe!" He yells in a way that frightens me, as he doesn't even seem like himself at present. I've experienced episodes just like this and in that moment, you don't feel like you'll ever breathe again. I wouldn't wish this kind of anxiety on my worst enemy, so to think that the love of my life is suffering with that exact thing.. it breaks me.

"Charlie, listen to me. I need you to take a deep breath in.. and out. Do you hear me?" I continue to hold his face. "In and out." I coach him in the exact way that he does me. He's always so great with me and knows exactly what to do when it's me in this situation. I have to help him. He follows my orders and I get an overwhelming sense of relief when his breathing returns to normal, slowly but surely.

"I'm here." I reassure him as I perch myself next to him. His eyes dart to the ground, desperate to avoid me, but he has no choice as I pull him into my arms. We stay exactly like this for a short while as I run my fingers through his unruly, blonde hair.

He's lost for words, as am I as I gesture for him to join me on the bed. With that, he lays down, almost clinging on to me like a scared child. I try to hold back unnecessary tears, but it proves impossible. My heart hurts realising how much I underestimated the impact that all this is having on him. I hold onto him tightly, constantly reassuring him that I'm here.

Minutes go by, and I sit up to grab the blanket from the edge of the bed, and he's reluctant to let go of me.. even for a second. "It's okay." I soothe my man as I place the soft, grey cover over him. I run my finger over his hand as his eyes grow heavy and eventually close. I stare at him in awe and hope that I'm aiding whatever he's feeling.

"I love you with my whole heart too. You said that you need me to help you through this. And I will help you through this. I promise." I whisper softly whilst squeezing his hand as a gesture of comfort. I know that he's drifting off to sleep, but I need him to know this. "You have no idea how sorry I am for making you feel this way. And I will do everything In my power to make it up to you. I love you, Charlie Travers." I mutter, whilst placing a kiss into his hair. "You'll always be more than good enough for me." I murmur.