Three ex-husbands and a marriage

Deserving

"Yes," I replied simply.

His smile froze, and the light in his eyes dimmed momentarily. "He is very fortunate to have captured the heart of an exceptional lady like yourself," he said with a faint smile.

"I am not exceptional, and I have my flaws. You don't need to flatter me. I saved you because it was the right thing to do, not for any other reason."

"My life is indebted to you, Miss Bai. Should you ever need anything, the Hu family will be at your service," he said. His gaze lingered before quickly averting as I returned it, a crimson blush spreading across his pale skin. "Sure, I will remember your promise. Young Master Hu don't overthink this," I replied.

"Miss Bai... what is he like?"

"He is... mysterious, temperamental, and unyielding..." I said, unsure whether I was describing Man Chiu or Xue Zhanglun, as both faces flashed through my mind.

"He does not sound deserving of you. A man who is warm, gentle, and loving, who places you at the centre of his life, would be more suitable..."

My heart pounded, the pain returning like a flood breaking through the dam walls I had contained within. Memories of Xue Zhanglun's warmth and gentleness as Bai Han and Captain Hanli surfaced. The warmth of his lips, the pain of separation and lies. I had unwittingly given my heart, but he cruelly refused to be honest with me. We could have faced the unknown together, however terrible the truth, but he built an impenetrable wall between us. His warmth and gentleness were marred by secrets and a lack of trust.

I couldn't describe Man Chiu in just a few sentences. Fear, obsession, and desire mingled with pain and release. This character stirred deep and uncomfortable reactions within my soul. Someone I want to flee from but am attracted to like a moth to a flame.

"Perhaps I am not deserving of him. I will take my leave now. Please rest," I said as I hastily stood up. His questions stirred unsettling feelings in my stomach.

"I... I am wrong, I apologize. I should not have said those things," he said with pleading eyes.

I smiled. The man who had brutally stabbed me over and over until my last breath was now a picture of gentleness and innocence. Beneath those eyes filled with longing and uncertainties, the handsome smile that was both dazzlingly bright and charming was a monster capable of killing in a frenzied craze.

"Don't overthink it."

I walked away, shaking silently with anxiety. What have I done? I effectively blocked and cut off his budding feelings for me. This was essential for the plot. The men cannot fall for Bai Xiao Wei if I keep blocking their desires. "You idiot!" I cursed myself silently.

Back in my room, I ripped out the needles and threw myself on the bed. Staring at the ceiling, my mind raced, angry at myself, at the situation. So far on this trip, I had managed to stay true to the plot, yet I found myself teetering on the edge of denial, harbouring an ever-growing desire to flee from the inevitable truth that awaited me.

As I lay in bed, I tried to conjure up memories of my life before all this. My primary concerns had been as mundane as covering food and bills. A full-time student with a seven-day work schedule, I was perpetually exhausted, and devoid of social connections. The only solace I found was in my books. My grandparents, with their old-fashioned views, had some sway over me, but they didn't actively obstruct my path to a pricier university. My parents, busy working to make ends meet, were distant figures in my life.

Blinking rapidly, I tried to recall their faces, their features eluding me. In this world, mirrors were less reliable than serene reflections on calm waters. Yet, I knew Bai Mingling and Xiao Wei's faces from our interactions. When I first entered the dreams, I thought the celestial Jiang Meng might have resembled me, but as soon as I assimilated her identity, I lost sight of my own.