Dark night of the soul

Chapter 68

Jessica's POV
I walk away from the funeral not wanting to remember a thing. Why did she leave me.
The tears would not stop falling, I knew it was wrong, but I made my way to the wake which was at Sarah's favourite bar. It was calm and beautifully decorated. I sat at the bar on my own with a red wine in front of me and my head in my hands.
The night carried on, and I was becoming more intoxicated and I finally felt like I was about to pass out. My head hit the bar and I screamed in pain.
"Argh!"
"Baby what's wrong?" I hear a sweet voice say. I open my eyes. "Wh-what?" I say when I see her. "Am I dead?" I ask. She starts to laugh. "No silly, you were asleep!" She starts to hold her stomach. "I had the worst dream ever" I say and I started to cry. Her laughter stopped and she looked at me with a serious face. She started to rub my back. "Baby what happened?" She asks. "I-i was at your funeral." She gasps. "Baby I'm never going to leave you" she says. "but you have tried before" I say looking at her with watery eyes. She bows her head. "I'm sorry" she whispers and snivels. I lift her head up and kiss her forehead. "I love you" "I love you too" she replies. "Come on let's go back to sleep" I say and we cuddle into each other and she does that cute thing where she tangles her legs with mine.
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Sarah's POV
When Jess finally falls asleep I untangle myself from her and make my way around the bedroom. I rummage my way through her bag to find her cigarettes and a lighter and I take them into the bathroom.
I roll up my sleeve and I light the end of the cigarette. I take it to my mouth for a drag then after thinking about it, I take it to my wrist and I burn my skin. At first I wince at the sensation, but then I get used to it and feels almost normal.
I decide to stop before I make it worse, I cannot let anybody see this. I run my arm under the cold water then I put the cigarettes and the lighter back in Jessica's handbag and I make my way to the kitchen needing chocolate covered potato chips again.
I check my phone and it's 5:53am. I grab the pack and I sit on the sofa and turn on Jeremy Kyle show. Im able to balance the chips on my stomach its that big.
I start to sing to the baby, she will be ready to meet me in less than a week, I'm so excited, but I'm nervous. What if Jess hates my body after this? Hers has hardly changed because her baby was premature so he didn't cause as much change as a fully grown foetus will. I'm scared.