Dark night of the soul

Chapter 123

*Sarah's POV*
(Fast forward to Thursday)
I wake up and get ready for my appointment with Natalie. "I'm leaving now, I love you" I say passing Jess in the kitchen and giving her a peck.

***

I sit in front of Natalie with my coffee, nervous about what conversations will come up. "So, Sarah, how have you been this week?" She asks. "Well, Jess was able to come home from the hospital on Tuesday which I was very happy about. I haven't been able to sleep on my own so I'm grateful that she's finally back." I say and she begins to write something down in her notes.

Whenever she begins to write whilst I'm talking I can't help but wonder what she's writing. Especially after watching freaky Friday and Jamie Lee Curtis just doodles. I always overthink, is she saying that I've improved, is she calling me crazy blah blah. I can't help myself.

"Are you still clean?" She asks diving right into the deep end. I begin to fidget in my seat. "About four days" I mumble. She sits forward in her chair. "Sarah, (A/N- I cannot stress this enough guys) you do not have to feel ashamed that you've relapsed, everybody has a moment of weakness. You were able to stay clean for over three months and that's the important thing, next time try four months, or more. Three months clean is a long time for somebody who's been through so much and I'm very proud of you. You shouldn't feel like you've messed things up or that you're a failure because you're far from it, you're trying to get better. Yes there will be a fork in the road from time to time but it will get easier." She explains which makes me feel a little less angry at myself. "Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that self harm is a good thing, you should try to avoid it but it's your way of coping for now. You're still here, you're still fighting and you should be proud of yourself for that." She continues.

"Today I thought we could try a new technique. Close your eyes and try and take everything out of your mind..."

***

I thank Natalie for her time and make my way to the grocery store.
I get out of the car and instantly spot paparazzi. Oh the joys.
"Sarah, Sarah, tell us about your kidnapper." "Sarah, were you shot." "Sarah did you cheat on Jessica?" I storm off into the store. You never get used to the annoying questions.

I stand there rubbing my temple when I'm approached by a young girl. "Urm excuse me" she said sweetly. "Hi, how can I help you?" I ask giving her a wide smile. "It's just.. You're my idol and wow you're standing in front of me and actually talking to me oh my god. Could I please have a photo?" She asks. Aw. "Of course" I say and pose next to her. "Thank you so much!" She squeals and leaves me to shop.

***

"Jessie I'm home" I shout up the stairs. She comes down the stairs and greets me warmly. "What time are we going out then?" She asks. "Well I was unable to get a babysitter so when I told Morgan he said that he can get off at five so we can take the kids with us and keep them in their strollers." I suggest. "That'd be great." She smiles.

"How's my ickle baby doing?" I say in a childish voice as I walk over to Ava. I take her out of her seat and sit her on the floor with me. "Jess should we try Ava again?" I ask and she speed walks into the living room with Kai tightly in her arms. "Ooh yessss!"

I lay Ava on her front and sit a few steps away from her with her favourite toy. "Come on baby" I say wiggling the toy in front of her face so she can see it.

She begins to wriggle and slowly moves her legs so she's kneeling. "Yes that's it baby come on, come to mama" I say sweetly trying to get her to crawl. She looks at me with her big brown orbs and her toothless smile and starts to move forward. "Yes come on gorgeous" I squeak. She moves her hands forward and starts to crawl. Jess and I cheer her on as she gives us both cute giggles and crawls towards us. I turn to Jess who now has Kai in one arm and her phone in the other, recording Ava's first crawl.

She finally reaches me and I pick her up and give her a kiss. "Well done my princess"I squeak. "You're so clever, yes you are my lickle baby." I Mollycoddle her.

***

"I say we go on teams" I speak up, competitively. "Yes!" Mary agrees as we enter the bowling alley. (Idk if bowling is the same in America as it is in England so you'll have to just go along with whatever I say😂)
We go to our lane and put on the bowling shoes. "I pick Sarah to be on my team!" Jessica shouts above the music, knowing how competitive I get. "Great dates vs dates, it's on motherfuckers" I wink at Mary.

"Who wants to go first?" Morgan asks. "The *cough* losers *cough* can go first" I smile innocently as the others laugh and Morgan types in our names.

***

"STRRRIIIKKKEEE!!!" I shout pointing my two middle fingers up at Mary and Morgan. They clap sarcastically and I high five Jess.

Next it's Jessie's turn. "Come on lass!" I shriek as she aims. The bowling ball hits the pins leaving only one. She rolls the ball down the alley again hitting the pin which leaves her with a spare, more points for us.

Mary takes her go. "LOSER" I shout just before she lets go of the ball, making the ball go into the gutter. Me and Jess burst out laughing. "Sorry old bean" I smile at her and she scowls. "Oh it's go time now fuckers" she says evilly.