Dark night of the soul

Chapter 152

Everybody reacts to trauma differently, whether it's being alone, trying everything you can to forget about it, talking to somebody, hurting yourself etc.

The problem with going through a trauma is the way people treat you, like you're a piece of China, they tip toe around you like you could snap at any slight movement. It's understandable but we're still people, we don't deserve anything more than what the next person does.

You eat something and somebody says well done, you go out and somebody tells you that you're brave, you keep your head high and somebody tells you that you're a fighter. Little do they know that what I've eaten was the first thing I've eaten for so long. They don't know that when I come home I'll sit in an enclosed space for hours on end because I wasn't ready to go out. Nobody understands that I'm keeping my head high around others but when I'm on my own that's when I can stop pretending to be okay, that's when the demons come out to play.

Happiness seems so distant sometimes, it's so underrated until you long to have it after the endless amount of pain you endure.

But you must think positive, negativity brings no good. If I want to get better I need to make positivity a part of my everyday life but one cannot force happiness can they? Maybe if one tries.