Dark night of the soul

Chapter 118

(This will probably be a crap chapter because nobody commented on my previous update so I have no idea what you guys want to read about so this is just something to keep you interested? Idk. Enjoy guys!)

TRIGGER WARNING

*Sarah's POV*
I pace the visitors room back and forth. Nothing is right anymore. It feels like the world is tangled.

"I bet she'll be glad to get away from you" the voices in my head begin. Not again. Please not now. "You couldn't even show Jessica her children before she almost died!" They shout, revolving around my head. I put my hands over my ears, trying to block out the sounds as if they were coming from around me and not my own mind. "What if she dies? The children can't have a useless mother like you!" They carry on. I can't take it anymore. They have won the dominance they were fighting for.

I walk out of the visiting room and around the hospital in search for something to ease the thoughts...

I speed walk down the corridors , passing doctors and patients. They all looked at me confused as I started to shout at myself. "PLEASE STOP" I cry with my hands back over my ears. "STOP STOP STOP!"

I start walking quicker down the hall with tears blurring my vision.
All of a sudden I knock into a nurses cart. I look down at the mess and something catches my eye. I pick up the instrument that is in its sterilised packet and slip it in my pocket. I shove everything else on top of the cart and make my way to the bathroom.

I lock myself in a stall and unwrap the shiny instrument. I roll up my sleeve and take a deep breath. "Finally" I huff and drag the scalpel across my arm. I was finally in silence. The voices were gone but just one was not enough, it never was.
I watched the blood trickle down the side of my arm then splatter on the floor. I go back for more creating quick slashes along my already scarred arm. The blood appeared quickly. I sat there watching the beads drop on the floor. I know that this was wrong but it felt so right.
It was then that I realised that I had just messed up being over three months clean. I was so proud of myself, now I know how much of a fuck up I really am. I move onto my left arm creating more cuts, punishing myself. The cuts I had created on my left arm were not to keep the voices quiet, they were not to help me get through this, but to teach myself a lesson. Why did I have to ruin my chances of recovery. I need to stay strong for my children.

I pulled out some tissue and soaked up the blood on my arm with it then I clean the floor.
I open the stall and peak out to make sure that nobody else was in here with me and I rush to the sink to make sure that my new cuts were clean.

I hear the door open so I quickly pull down my sleeves and wash my hands.

"Sarah, I've been looking everywhere for you" I hear someone say. I turn to where the voice is coming from and I see my mother. "The doctor wants to talk to you" she says, showing no sign of emotion. My heart begins to beat rapidly, I didn't know what to think or what to expect.