Dark night of the soul

Chapter 19

Sarah's POV
well, I've been in hospital for 8 days now. I've been talking to a counsellor called Melissa who has helped me a lot so far. The hospital food is disgusting, not that I like normal food anyway. The most annoying thing is, someone has to escort me to the bathroom to make sure that I don't make myself sick. It's so annoying knowing that someone is standing there listening to you pee. Anyway, I'm hopefully going home tomorrow, Dr marshal said that I'm getting better, and that if I keep it up I'll be well soon enough. I know it sounds weird, but there's a part of me that doesn't want to get better. I love the feeling I get when I cut. I love feeling skinny. I love the way that my scars comfort me. I just hate the fact that I can't get the memory from the night of paleyfest out of my head.
"Sarahhhh...Saraaahhh" Jess says snapping her fingers in front of my face. "Hm..yeah" I say, coming back to reality "you just sat there staring into space for like five minutes, are you okay?" "Yeah, yeah I'm fine" I reply. "Hey, Jess, can you go buy me some food, I really want to eat some food that doesn't look like it's already been chewed" Jess chuckles and nods her head. "Yes baby, what would you like?" "Mocca frapé, chicken nuggets and fries please" I say. "You're such a child!" She laughs and grabs her purse then leaves the room.
I quickly hop up from my bed and peer out of the door, making sure that no one could see me and I ran to the bathroom. I went into one of the stalls and knelt down in front of the toilet and made myself sick...

Once I was back in my room I pretended to be asleep so it didn't look like I had gone anywhere. A nurse came in and checked me asking how I felt etc. she checked my arms, legs, hips, stomach and ankles to see if I had attempted to hurt myself again, which I haven't, but I'm craving the touch of the blade against my skin.