Dark night of the soul

Chapter 96

*Sarah's POV*
"Do you, Hamish Linklater, take Lily Rabe to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

"I do."

"And do you, Lily Rabe, take Hamish Linklater, to be your lawfully wedded husband?"
she pauses for a moment.

"I do"

"I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may now kiss the bride" the Priest says to Hamish who takes Lily in his arms, spins her around then kisses her. I let out a sigh of relief, she did it. But then I ever so slightly scrunched up my nose. 'How vile' I thought to myself. I can't believe she's actually married to this douche bag. And I can't believe I. Practically talked her into it. But I have to admit, the whole wedding was beautiful. We were outside and it was a lovely sunny day. Lily and Hamish were stood under a white, flower covered arch whilst everybody else sat on white chairs. The isle was covered in rose petals which the flower girls put down before Lily came down the isle.
"Well done babe, you did it!" I smiled at her.
She looked beautiful in her backless white gown. (As shown in the multimedia)
The bridesmaids and I wore a simple duck egg blue dress.

I'm glad she's happy. I wouldn't have let her come out here unless I knew that this is what she wanted.

*flashback to before the wedding*
"LILY LILY LILY LILY COME ON WAKEUP YOU ARE GETTING MARRIED TODAY" I shouted jumping on her bed trying to wake her up.
She got up and gave me a groggy look. "I hate you" she said. "Oh shut up you ass, you love me" I reply laughing.

She got up and got into the bath that I ran her. She left the door open and I walked in and began plucking my eyebrows. "Erm Sarah, I'm kind of naked yanno?" She laughs behind me. "I'm not looking, I have a wife and we've seen each other naked so many times I've lost count, who cares?" I chuckle and she laughs back. "I guess you're right"
"Are you excited for today then?" I ask cheerfully but everybody knew that I was the least happy one about this whole shit show, but if Lily is happy then I'm happy.
She slightly nods yes. "Lil? Are you having second thoughts?" I turn and sit on the edge of the bath. "Kind of" she mumbles. "It's just, you know, once a cheater always a cheater right? He's told me so many times that I can trust him but I'm scared. And I'm scared that he's going to you know... Hit me again like he did a few years back.." She trails off. "Listen sweetie, if that motherfucker does anything to hurt you I'm going to be the first on his case, you know that. I think Hamish has learnt his lesson from when I gave him that black eye, accidentally of course, I mean I didn't mean to actually hurt him that much but the fucker deserved it. Everyone is standing by you Lil and if you don't want to go through with it today then that is perfectly fine, it's your decision, nobody is forcing you to do anything" I explained. She sighed.
"I suppose" she says putting her head back and closing her eyes.

"I'll give you some space and let you think about this, I'll go and fetch us some grub" I say leaving the bathroom and putting on my shoes.

"BRB" I shouted, before I left the room I heard Lily chuckle at the fact that I just used text talk.

"Hello miss, can I take your order?" The polite woman with a Cajun accent at the till asks. "Yes, can I please have two coffees, one with no milk or sugar and the other with milk, can i have two fry ups and two fruit salads (idk what you call them)" I say as she writes down my order.
"Is that to go?" She asks. "Yes please" "that'll be twelve dollars please" she says and I give her the money.

***
"Lily I'm back with food!" I shout un wrapping the food and putting it on plates.
Lily comes in with red blotchy eyes in just a towel. "Thank you Sarah" she smiles and we sit on her bed. I'm not going to ask what is wrong because I know that she will deny everything and she won't appreciate it so we sat there eating breakfast and making small talk about the hair and makeup.
"So..." I say and she looks up at me knowing what I'm about to ask.
"I think I just need to get ready and get to the venue, this is probably what everyone feels like before their wedding right?" She asks and I nod yes. "Of course, I felt the same way but here I am now, happily married with two gorgeous children."
She smiles. "Thank you, for everything Sarah, and I'm really proud of you for how far you have come."
When she mentions that she's proud of me I instantly know that she's not talking about the family I have made. She's talking about the fact that I've been clean for 100 days now. I've got to say, I'm really proud of myself, I mean, I've never actually gone this long and I feel great. Maybe there is a chance for me after all.
"I did it for the coconut cake!" I joked and we both laughed.

Half an hour later we hear a knock at the door. "I'll get it" I shout to Lily who's drying her hair. I open the door to three eager bridesmaids and a handful of stylists. "Woo, let's get this party started" I say excitedly, stepping to the side.
"If Lily is happy you're happy Sarah, if Lily is happy you're happy" I whisper to myself when I see Hamish's mother walk in after the others. But she's a lovely woman and I get along with her very well.
"Kristin!" I smile hugging her. "Oh Sarah dear, my my you have lost a bit of weight, whatever for! You're stunning?" She asks which makes me smile that She noticed that I'd lost weight. "Well after the pregnancy I just wanted to burn off all the mummy fat" i lied but laughed a little to make my story believable. "Ah yes! Where is the little one?" "She's with Jessica and Kai in the other hotel room, they're most likely still asleep but you'll get to see them soon!" I smile and we walk into the grand room where all of the bridesmaids were sat having their rollers put in and makeup done.
"Sarah! Let's go we're on a tight schedule you need to get ready" the wedding planner said ushering me to a seat where one of the stylists were waiting for me.
Once us bridesmaids had our rollers in and out makeup done, the stylists began working on Lily.
They began putting rollers in her long hair and putting heaps of makeup on her but the makeup was so beautiful and nicely done. I wish that I could do makeup like that.

I could tell from Lily's face that she was still worried about how she felt so I opened a bottle of wine for us.
I poured the wine into glasses for me, the bridesmaids, Lily, Kristin and the stylists.
"Cheers" we all say and clink glasses.

"Time to get dressed ladies" the wedding planner said. "Sarah babe, have you decided what jewellery you're going to wear?" He asks "no not yet" he huffs and walks away. "Damn Justin don't get your nickers in a twist" I mumble under my breath.

Lily comes in wearing her gorgeous white dress. Her hair was curled slightly and simple flowers were pinned at the back. She looked absolutely stunning. (Lily's hairstyle and dress are the two right pictures in the multimedia)
"Lily, you look breathtaking" I say with tears in my eyes. She gives me a hug and I can hear her snivelling. "No no no, stop crying Lily you'll ruin your makeup" I laugh, dabbing her eyes.
"This is it" she says. "This is it" I repeat and smile as we make our way out of the hotel.

I check my phone, Jess and the kids are already at the venue. Apparently it looks beautiful.
"Have you all got your bouquets ladies?" Justin asks getting panicky at the last minute.

(The bridesmaids are wearing the dress on the left side of the multimedia and Sarah's hair is the same as it is in the top left box in the multimedia.)

"This is it" Lily whispers for the second time squeezing my hand as the venue comes into focus. "Are you okay?" I ask and she nods yes.

The bridesmaids get out of the car and I follow holding mine and Lily's bouquets. I turn around to face the car and i see Lily sitting there, staring forward.
"You guys go wait by the entrance, we'll be there in a sec" I say getting into the car and shutting the door behind me so nobody can hear us.
"Lily babe, you can still back out, nobody will hate you or tell you that what you're doing is wrong or you can go in there and marry the man you love. It's totally down to you now, only you can be the boss of you." I say as she sits there emotionless.
"I just... I don't know if I'm ready to give myself to a man who a. Hurt me physically and b. Cheated on me. I don't want to be that wife who is controlled by her husband or who takes whatever bullshit is thrown at her by a guy." She explains. "I completely understand Lil. You just need to say yes or no. You've got your chance now to do it in front of me or you've got another chance when you're face to face with Hamish. You've got this Lil, I know you well enough to tell you that you'd never, ever let some guy make you feel worthless, you haven't ever since Hamish cheated on you. Remember? You said that you wouldn't let anybody walk all over you ever again because you're one tough cookie." I say. "I'm tough but I'm no cookie" she smiles. "That's my girl" I laugh. "So, what's it going to be Lil?" I ask.