Dark night of the soul

Chapter 51

Sarah's POV
I quickly get dressed into a striped top and jeans and I straighten my hair.
I put on my ankle boots and my coat and I head out the door.
When I arrive at my therapists office, I'm early so I wait outside until I see another person coming out and then I walk in.
"Good morning Sarah, how are you feeling?" She asks politely.
She has shoulder length brown hair, model like cheekbones, and beautiful skin. She wore a light blue blouse and black trousers and her hair was slightly wavy.
"I'm fine thank you" I say sitting in front of her. "So have you had anymore nightmares since the last time we spoke?" "Yes, but it wasn't the same one." I say putting my head down remembering the nightmare I kept having during my time in a coma.
"Well what happened in it?" She asks.

(Flashback)
I make my way upstairs where Ava, my baby, is crying. I walk into the room and she's not in her cot. I look to the left of the cot where there is a tall figure. He turns to me and I see that he is holding Ava, and worst of all, it's Ava's father. I run up to him to try and get Ava but he takes a gun and directs it at Ava. I still, not knowing what to do. He puts Ava in her cot then walks over to me. He pushes me against the door and I fall to the floor. The next thing I know there is a loud noise. He has pulled the trigger.
(Flashback over)
"...and I have no idea who he shoots, because the dream just ends. I wake up at the same point every time." I continue.
We talk for a while about self harming, depression and anorexia.
I tell her that at the moment I'm healthy because I'm doing it for my baby, I'm eating three times a day and I always eat the right foods.
At the end of the session she tells me that she is very satisfied with my progression and tells me to keep it up, just like she does every week.

I leave the room and call Lily to tell her that I'm on my way. I drive to the place we were meeting up with the wedding planner. When the wedding planner gets here we head to test the cakes.
"So how's things going sar?" Lily asks when the planner leaves the room. "Um it's okay, I've been feeling a lot better lately" I lie. "Sar please promise me that you will not hurt yourself again" she says looking into my eyes. I nod. "I will Lil, I'm sorry" I say. "Babe, you should have told someone, any of us would have been glad to help you, me, Jess, Zach, Amanda, Pedro, anybody. Just please go to one of us for help, I promise we are all here for you and we will not judge you in any way" she explains.
I was about to say something but then Anthony, the wedding planner entered with a cake. It has three tears and was white with purple decorations. Anthony cuts two small pieces for me and Lily and gives us a fork.
"This cake has marzipan and coconut icing. When you order the cake you will be able to give certain instructions on what flavour you would like the decor. At the moment the decor is just normal icing with food colouring." He explains.
I dig in. Ohh I do love coconut cake. "Mm I like this one" I say stuffing my face. "Oh Sarah you would wouldn't you.
After three more cakes Lily decides on the lemon four tear cake that has lemon decorations.
When we leave I invite her back to mine and Jessica's for dinner.
We get home and Jessica is in the kitchen reading the newspaper. "Afternoon wifey!" I say kissing her cheek as I walk past. "Hello sweet, hi Lil, how was the cake?" She asks.
"Ohh Lily didn't pick the best one" I say disappointed. Lily laughs and so does Jess. "Lemme guess, the one that you liked either had marzipan or it had coconut icing?" "BOTH!" I shout and then I pretend to cry.
"So we're ordering tonight want some?" I ask Jess. "Sure I'll go pick it up, I need some air anyway" Jess says.
We write down what we want and Jess leaves.
"Lily did Jess look a bit nervous to you?" I ask. "A little? Why is there anything going on between you two?" She asks.
"Well when I woke up from the coma, Jess wasn't in there and from what I can remember she was in my room all the time. And the night before I woke up I think she was drinking because she was speaking to herself which is what she normally does when she drinks. And FINALLYYY" I say putting emphasis on the word finally "when I was awake and she walked into my room she had bags under her eyes and a bad headache" I continue. "What if she might have cheated on me that night?" "Don't be stupid Sarah, Jess loves you from the bottom of her heart, she would never do anything to hurt you, you know that" she says trying to turn my thoughts. "You're right, maybe she's just going through a hard time" I say agreeing. "So, how is therapy?" She asks out of the blue. How does she know about that?
"W-what?" "Look, I know you have therapy Sar, Jess didn't know who to talk to about helping you, and while we were talking it just slipped out" she says. I start to cry. God this is so embarrassing. "Sar what's wrong? You know I won't say anything to anyone" she says rubbing my back. "It's embarrassing, I don't want anyone to know" "look Sar, there is nothing to be embarrassed about babe, it's going to be okay"