Dark night of the soul

Chapter 132

*Sarah's POV*
I sit there in Rita's office for half and hour, silent. I don't know what to say nor do.
"Are you okay Sarah?" She asks.
I turn and open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. Images of her bloody arms race through my mind, sending shivers down my body. How can a day that started out so perfect turn into a nightmare?

"Tell me what you're thinking" she says.
"I'm thinking about all of the blood, the shards of glass that could so easily cut open my own skin. I'm thinking about how happy I started this day off, knowing that I hadn't hurt myself in so long and now all that is on my mind is the way it feels to hurt myself and be in control. It sounds so stupid, the fact that I'm putting all of the attention on myself but seeing her like that just turned some sort of clog in my head." I explain, realising that Rita is going to think that I'm crazy.
"Sarah, that's normal to think, you just found your friend passed out on the floor, close to death and you're a recovering self harmer. I'm sure if any one of the women in our facility had found what you did, they would feel exactly the same way. This is where you get out all of your emotions and thoughts so you don't go back to your room feeling the way you are now." She explains. Her words seem so right for the situation but I can't help but feeling awful.
Oh Auburn. How could you do this to yourself. "Where is she?" I ask. "The paramedics will have taken her to the hospital by now. We should be getting a call from a staff member that went in the ambulance shortly."

"Can I see her?"

"Maybe when she's in better condition" she says with a light smile. "But for now, we need to talk about you and how you feel." I sigh. I don't want to talk about myself anymore. I just need Jess. I need Auburn to be okay.

***

Visiting hours begins and I wait outside for Jess, I only get to see her once a week. "Hi darling" she says from behind me. "Hi Jessie" I say standing and kissing her. "I've missed you guys!"
I pick Ava up and sit her on my lap. "You're getting big aren't you?"

"How are you Sarah?" She asks. "So much has gone on today" I sigh rubbing my forehead. "My roommate, Auburn, she tried to kill herself and I was the one who found her" I explain, weakly. "Oh god Sarah I'm so sorry, are you okay?" She squeezes my hand. "I'm better now" I give her a reassuring smile. "Sarah I know this may be triggering but.." She begins but I interrupt her. "Jess, I'm getting better, don't worry about me. Yes it is triggering but this is just something that I need to conquer to become stronger. (as cheesy as it sounds) I just want to be able to go and see her, I need to know if she's okay."

"Mama" I hear. My eyes widen and I look over to Jess. "Did you just-" "Ava" she smiles widely. "Oh my gosh!"

"Ava, say mama" I smile at her. "Mama" she says. "Oh my god" I squeal. I stand and spin her around. "You're so grown up" I squeak. I can't believe she just said mama.

Some of my friends come and see Ava. "Awwe she's adorable!" Bianca says, squeezing her cheek.
My baby just made my day.

"Isn't she just" I hear from behind me. I turn and see Rita with her arms crossed, smiling. "Sarah can I talk to you please?" she asks and we walk over to the opposite side of the room. "I didn't want to say this in front of the rest of Auburns friends, she's okay, I'm going to visit her after the visiting hours are over here and I was wondering if you would like to come with me?" She asks. I let out a sigh of relief, she's okay. "That'd be great, thank you."
She tells me to meet her in her office at 5pm and then we will go.
I head back to Jess.

***
5 o clock rolls on and I begin to get nervous. The palms of my hands begin to sweat and my leg is shaking as I wait outside Rita's office. "Ready?" She says locking her door. I nod and we head to the parking lot. I'm surprised that nobody stopped us considering the patients sent allowed to leave unless it's a group trip that has been planned or to get medical help.
We arrive at the hospital shortly and we're told where Auburns room is. This is it.

"Hi Auburn" I smile. She looks at me in disgust. "Why the fuck would you call somebody to help me, why couldn't you just let me die?" She shouts, shocking me.

(These chapters are so rubbish in sorry, I have no inspiration)