Need You (ShinDeku)

Ch. 115 - Quiet

A/N: this chapter did not end up going how I expected. Was not prepared to explore how a parent feels watching their child suffer. I don't think I went too deep though, so it's alright.

Trigger warning: more of the same of someone suffering though a nasty mix of past trauma and sleep deprivation, from a different point of view. Feelings of helplessness in regard to someone else who is suffering. Spans the full chapter.
Have fun reading!

Hizashi POV

     Being woken by my husband at five AM, an entire hour before I'm supposed to get up, is not what I would consider a positive experience. This is because number one, my husband adores his sleep and considers it a crime to wake someone earlier than necessary so therefore would not wake me unless there was something seriously wrong. Number two, he had a terribly concerned look on his face as he held out my hearing aids to me, which confirmed that something was indeed wrong.

     What was worse than being woken up early by my husband was the sound of quiet crying and muffled pleas for Shota to 'come back' from the next room down the hall when my hearing aids were in and turned on.

     I stumbled out of bed behind my husband, who upon closer observation had clearly been awake for a while, and followed him into our kid's room.

     "I'm back, kiddo. I won't leave you, I just went to get Hizashi." He sat down on the edge of Izuku's bed, and the kid put his head between his hands, chewing his lip. He seemed like he wanted comfort but wasn't willing to move from his spot tucked against the wall.

     "He's gonna come in- th-the window-" his eyes landed on me, then Sho, and went back to me, watery green peeking through equally wet eyelashes. He started shaking his head. "You're not-" he never bothered to finish his sentence, letting himself cry instead.

     I wished Shota had given me more information. Any information, really. Does the kid even know where he is right now? Did he wake from a nightmare? Was this one of his panic attacks? Was he feeling sick? Did someone tell him they were gonna break in? Or had he not been sleeping like Shota suspected?

     The two of us spent the next 45 minutes taking turns trying to calm him down and console him, while he alternated between just crying, or talking about a man who I eventually figured out was Shigaraki and rubbing at his skin, or asking us not to leave him even though he was "useless" or  "broken".

Something told me a lecture about how he's not either of those things wouldn't be productive and certainly wouldn't get through to him right now.

     He didn't seem to even hear a lot of what we were saying, though he did respond a couple of times, and most of it seemed to be apologies. I was starting to wonder if speaking to him was actually making things worse.

     "You must be so tired, huh?" I try, "I know it's scary but we're here for you and it's okay to let go, you can sleep," I tell him while Shota is in the hall calling Shinso, which we decided on after we weren't getting anywhere and Izuku only seemed to get more worked up. At that point it had become clear that whatever was happening had been brought on mostly by exhaustion, but we couldn't get him to calm enough to fall asleep and the method of letting him wear himself out clearly wasn't working either.

     "I'm sorry, I'm sorry I-I know but I can't," he sobs, pressed up against the wall. It's the first time he's directly responded in what feels like twenty minutes. At least, I think it was a response to me. I press on, carefully.

     "It's okay. I know it's hard, I know you're scared. Shinso is gonna come over to help, okay?" I feel guilty that I have to rely on a kid to pull my own son out of his head. I'm helpless on my own, but I'm a Hero. I'm supposed to be good at this stuff. It's in the job description.