I'm Iron Man, And I'm Agent Coulson

Chapter 15 The Plane and a Confusing Kiss

Luckily we took a plane home, but I didn't say much, since I was still reeling from the hearing, along with the encroaching shadows and internal alarms, but Tony stayed next to me, trying to make me laugh, touching my arm or squeezing my hand. It was comforting, but I ignored the attention, I had too.
Pepper and Happy both watched me cautiously, like I was about to fall apart, which I felt was inevitable.
The speech I gave only pushed me further into my own melancholy and discontent.
It wasn't the first time I lost my temper, but it was the first time my past had been called out in front of a room full of colleagues and friends. The panel had no business using my past in order to back me into a corner, but all of it, the accident and my brief time with Hammer, left me raw and more vulnerable than I thought possible.
I was unprepared for such a display, nor the games, and I was grateful for Tony's strength.
Luckily it was a closed session, which was the I was thankful for, thankful that everything said, and seen wouldn't be made public, but I couldn't stop the memories and vulnerability, nor the small question I asked myself as my fingers twitched and burned.
It'd happened before, but not to this magnitude and frequency, leaving me with more questions and fear, wondering what was coming or wrong with me.

"You've never really spoken about your time in the marines, I mean you have, but I didn't know you tried to stop it from happening, or that Rhodes had asked you to go back," Tony inquired, watching me fiddle around with my seatbelt, "the committee's starting to play games now, luckily I'm good at games."
"This isn't a game Tony, and I still don't want to talk about it, any of it, jeez it wasn't like I was on the ground, but after the accident, I..I just lost faith in it all," I confessed quietly, "I've told you this before, so let's just leave it at that, please, and Rhodey can go fuck himself."
He snorted, "I know, but, I'm here, you know, to talk and stuff, little Ms. Dark and Dreary," he replied, while he fidgeted in his seat uncomfortably, "Hammer was given a government contract after I pulled my company out, I was just as surprised to see him there this morning, as you were, especially after his failed suit tests, but now they're getting desperate, I didn't know they were... I guess I'm trying to say I'm sorry (y/n), for everything," Tony added thickly, but I caught the underlying meaning in his apology.
Our moment of unity, as far as I was concerned, stopped once we left that damned room, but Tony seemed unwilling to let me close my self off again, and I was too damned tired to fight it.

"Why would they bring him in, it's not like he's an actual expert, he's like Wal-Mart to your Gucci, and who knows how many soldiers will die because of it, and families left in the dark, given the same excuses," I sighed, and closed my watery eyes, ignoring his apology.
I was physically and mentally exhausted from the six hour drive along with my laundry being hauled out during the court hearing, in order to contemplate what I could possibly say. There was really nothing to forgive, and seven months had passed for both of us, but even if I could accept his apology, it still meant he didn't want me, and I just couldn't think about any of that right now. Plus, the close proximity of Tony was making me tingly, entangling in the constant burn, and I didn't want that either, any of it, not the way I was feeling.
Tony laughed, "you dated him."
"Low blow, and it was only for a few months, but since you're still being a sarcastic asshole, the sex was great," I scoffed, and watched his eyes darken, and his jaw clench, "I'm too tired to argue with you," I yawned, "and I was kidding Tony..."
"Oh, um, okay, it's, that's your business," Tony snorted, as he layed his jacket over me.
"Yah, like I didn't notice that little tinge of jealousy in your eyes," I mused, and leaned against him.
"So you noticed that, awesome," he sighed, and kept his gaze on mine, but I smirked and closed my eyes, "get some sleep, and we'll be home in no time."

6 hours later

"It's the only time I've actual seen a peaceful look on her face in quite a while," Happy's voice mumbled, "and earlier, did I hear her say what I think she said?"
Hap's questioning tone came through the layers of sleep, and warmth, but my eyes refused to open, believing I was stuck in some dream.
"She's had quite a long day," Tony replied, "we all have, and yep, she said it, she says alot in her sleep. It's not really the first time I've heard her say something like that, but at least now I know what's really going on, I mean I knew, but to hear it in her own word's was a little harsh, but I didn't catch the last part, what language was that?" Tony exclaimed, as hair was pushed off my face, "Pep get home okay?"
He moved under my cheek, and my eyes blinked, but I slumped back against his shoulder. I must have leaned onto him sometime during the flight and mumbled in my sleep. I wanted to move, but I was too tired, and his smell and warmth seemed to ease some of the tension in my neck and shoulders.