I'm Iron Man, And I'm Agent Coulson

Chapter 105 Sleep Talking

"Tony?" I mumbled into my pillow, slowly waking myself up from sleep, after I realized his spot next to me was empty. I lifted my head, reaching for him again, but his shadow stretched over the bed from the window, "come back to bed." I added sleepily.
He was quiet for a moment, and let out a soft sigh, "you were mumbling in your sleep again," he replied, but turned around leaned against the window.
"Okay," I murmured, and focused my sleepy eyes on him. He was in pajama bottoms and a t-shirt, and his dark hair was ruffled. I pulled the sheets up over my naked body, and gingerly got out of bed, "did it wake you?"
"No," he sighed, and watched as I approached him.
"Then what's wrong?" I asked, noticing the stiffness in his posture, which was completely different from the relaxed evening we'd had, "did you have another nightmare?"

Once we got home earlier, we didn't waste time, and barely made it to his floor before our clothes were completely gone, but our love making was slow and somewhat lazy. We took our time with each other, giggling against one another, and memorizing each others bodies over and over again. I assumed he fell asleep when I did, but as I glanced at the window, we'd only been in bed asleep for a little over two hours.
"You said something in your sleep, I had to have FRIDAY translate it, since it was in Nahuatl," he mumbled, and leaned his head back against the window, "you've said it before, on the plane when we were headed to Barton's," he paused, "but, do you honestly believe I need you to save me from anything, or from whatever's coming?"
I shook my head trying to clear it of grogginess, "okay, I was sleeping, I really shouldn't be held responsible for what comes out of my mouth while I'm unconscious," I huffed, but gingerly reached up and touched his face, "look, you're gonna have to walk me through this, cause I'm still half asleep, but, no, I don't think you need saving, at least I don't think so. I do think you need someone to believe in you, the real you, but that's different," I continued, even though he stiffened under my touch, "as the woman by your side, isn't my job is to stand by you, and give you a soft place to land when you need it. I know you're capable of saving yourself and the world, but that doesn't mean you don't need help sometimes. Is that what's bothering you? Because we've had this discussion before?"
He kept his eyes on mine, while a million emotions flickered over them. I don't know why I said what I said in my sleep, and while I firmly believed Tony could do pretty much anything on his own, he didn't need too, at least not anymore. He had a team behind him, and while we may disagree at times, there was no doubt in my mind that they'd take a stand with Tony if and when it was needed, just as I would.
"I'm so confused right now, why're you freaking out?" I asked again, once he didn't answer me, "besides the fact that I need to start sleeping with a ball gag in my mouth, is it because I refuse to let you work yourself into the ground, or that I have faith in everything you do, and want to help shoulder your heavy load?" I asked, and leaned into his warm chest, "is it because I said I need you, and asked you to help me figure out what my abilities are, or are you really starting to believe something's coming?"
"I don't know, maybe," he sighed again, and moved away from me.
"Oh, okay, well, I didn't mean to make things harder for you," I babbled, and closed my eyes at the distance stretching between us.
"No, it's not that...I just.." he sighed, "with Pep," he paused once my eyes automatically started watering, "no, honey, it's just, this is so different. I thought it would be easier to have someone here, beside me, and most days it is, but.."
I tried to keep my voice from cracking, but failed even after I cleared my throat, "Tony, I'm gonna ask you something, and I want you to be completely honest with me, because right now, I'm thinking the worst," I murmured, and moved back to his bed. I grabbed my clothes, and tossed them haphazardly over the sheets. "What the hell do you want? You want someone to be a part of your life, or you don't? I know this isn't easy for either of us, and I accepted that a long time ago, but if you don't want to do this.. What brought this on? Today was such a great day for both of us, but I honestly don't know what else to say. We've been here with each other since Ultron, and regardless what you think, I love it here, but maybe I should go back to the facility for a while, I don't want to make you feel worse. And yah, your moods are sometimes taxing, but I'm guessing so are mine. I love you, and I know you're the man I want, but if you don't want to do this, then maybe.. If you're scared..."
"I didn't say I wanted you to leave, in fact I want you to stay here, with me," he growled, and began pacing around his bedroom, "do you think it's easy for me to talk about this, or even admit how much you mean to me? Some days it drives me crazy how easy it is to have you next to me, working or just knowing you're sleeping in my tower. You say alot when you're sleeping, and I want to be the man you think I am, but," he took a deep breath, and ran a shaky hand through his hair, "you're goddamned right, I'm scared, we should be.." He acquiesced, and averted his eyes from mine.
"Bebe, I know exactly who you are, I've known it for a long time now, and after what you've been through, I'm sure it's hard for you to accept everything I'm willing to do for you, without expecting the bottom to drop out from underneath us, and regardless how hard you may make it, I want you, and I'm scared too," I sighed, "but you're right, I'm not Pepper, in so many ways. In the beginning I forced myself to believe she was right for you, because I had nothing to offer, besides what I felt. I came from a broken home, and I viewed myself probably in a similar fashion you see yourself, but somewhere deep down inside I knew she would never understand your need to do what you do. I do, I told you a long time ago, one crucible can transform us into the people we're meant to be, and both of us have been through more than one, but here we are. I never put much belief in destiny or fate, but every wrong turn, every near death, brought you and me right here, and for once in my life, I feel like I'm right where I need to be, and I'll fight whatever comes our way, because that's what we do," I paused, and slipped my shirt back over my torso, "maybe, you just need some time to accept that, or think about it. I've been here for awhile, and even though you want me to stay, I should..."
"You're not listening to me, and I thought you were done running?" He interrupted, and quickly approached me. He stood in front of me, and grabbed my arms to keep me from getting dressed, "no one, and I mean no one, has stood beside me through everything, and still have the strength to get up and keep going, except you, jeez, I mean after everything you went through, and how much I hurt you, you still almost killed yourself trying to help me with AIM. I don't know if I love you more because of it, or if I'm scared you're crazy.. Rhodey tries to keep up, Pep did too.. Stane and my father pushed me, but for their own reasons, not my own. Pepper stood by me, but even her unwillingness to accept all this drove her and I to different rooms. Even you left, for a little while, do you understand how scary it is to hear you say you'll fight whatever comes our way, like it's no big deal?"
"Okay, you need to breath," I demanded, and detached his hands from my arms, "I honestly don't know what to say, but yes I know it's scary, but I've been scared since I was nine, and too be honest I've accepted fear is just something I'll have to live with, most days I can ignore it, but it's there, and I try not to let it ruin everything.." I stated honestly, "and I left because I wasn't going to watch you and Pepper start your new relationship, and I needed something more than what your goddamned company had to offer, but I tried to be there whenever I thought you needed it, because I wanted to be, and I made you a promise. I was there when AIM ended up on your doorstep, even after Fury ordered me to stand down. I was there when you took your first flight, Stane, Vanko, Loki, all of it. We may not of been sleeping under the same roof, but I never left you, not really. So don't come at me with that shit," I hissed quickly letting my anger take over, "you told me I've always been there with you, and yet you chose to fall in love with Pepper. How do you think that right there made me feel Tony? Sure, I'm happy you finally decided to tell me, and be here with me, but that knowledge alone made me feel like shit. I don't even know why we're talking about this anymore!" I threw my hands up, and backed up. The surprise on his face wasn't lost on me, but we weren't going to be able to move forward, if we couldn't get passed whatever he was scared of, what I was scared of.

"Your eyes get darker when you're mad," he scoffed, and crossed his arms over his chest. He took a step towards me, but I put my hand up.
"No, you're not gonna use humor or your sarcasm to deflect what you started," I snapped, and grabbed my underwear, and leggings. I hurriedly tried to slip them on, and teetered over, only to land in Tony's arms.
"Okay, how about I just say I'm sorry," he mused, and placed his chin on the back of my head.
"You don't even know what you're apologizing for," I mumbled, but continued to pull on my leggings.
"Yes I do..." He mumbled, and kissed the back of my head.
I let out a long breath, and quickly stood up, "we can solve this shit right now.." I uttered, quickly losing my patience, "kiss me."
"What?" He snorted, obviously taken off guard by my request.
"I said kiss me," I demanded again, and straightened my shoulders, "kiss me like it's just you and me, no team, no guilt, no spotted past, just kiss me as if there's only the two of us in the world."
One of his eyebrows lifted in confusion, but a small smirk played over his lips, "and you think that's gonna solve all my problems?" He argued, but pulled my pliant body into him.
"No, but maybe it'll reiterate what you need to know, about me, and about us. I told you when we decided to do this, that this was where I wanted to be, this was it for me, and if that scares you, I'm sorry, but I also told you no one was going to take you from me," I countered, and wiped some hair off his forehead, "so just kiss me, you ass."
I didn't need to ask him twice, before his arms were around my waist and his lips firmly attached to mine. After a few seconds our kiss deepened and the world around us, fell away. My hands clenched at his hair, while his hands firmly grabbed my bottom. My skin burst with tingles, and goosebumps roared over my arms and legs. My core heated up, and the area between my legs flushed with heat and need. A smile ghosted my busy lips as he moaned against me, and pushed me back onto his bed. His mouth tried to devour my every breath, and soft purr, but I held onto him, enveloping him with everything I had.
What we had was more than just lust and compatibility, we had each other, and I understood every single part of him. I didn't deny his doubt about all this, because I suffered the same misgivings, we were both battered and broken, trying to hold onto the only thing that's ever made sense, and it wasn't easy.

"How do you do that?" He whispered in between breaths, against my lips, "I'm a grown man, and here I am feeling more like a teenager on his first date."
"It's because I'm your breath of fresh air, and we both know this is it. This right here is worth fighting for, and I'm already committed to you, and I think that scares you to death," I answered, and licked his bottom lip.
"Babygirl, I'm not doubting what we feel, and you did just reiterate that, I'm just..I don't want you to risk your life for me, or think you have to save me from anything, we just.. I can't lose you, I just found you," he blurted out, surprising both of us.
"Would you risk your life for me?" I asked pointedly, holding his face in my hands.
"In a heartbeat," he retorted sadly, knowing what I'd say.
"Then don't expect me to feel any different Tony, but we fight together," I remedied, and slid my lips back over his, "partners in crime Stark, through good and bad."
He snorted against my lips, and layed his head on my chest. I ran my fingers through his hair, and relaxed against the mattress.
"Honey, we've been through alot, both together and separately, and because of that, I think we have a problem accepting the good things that come our way. We're always expecting the bottom to drop, or for someone to come and take our happiness, but one thing I know about myself, without a doubt, is that I love you, and no one in this fucked up universe can change that. If you can accept that, then the rest will come in time, okay? You said it yourself bebe.."
"You're really that in love with me, to take on all this?" He muttered groggily, and looked up. The childlike fear in his eyes broke my heart, but I believed everything I said, and hoped he would too.
"Yes, I have superpowers remember," I whispered, and kissed his forehead, "now try to get some sleep, I'll be right here when you wake up."
He nodded his head, before he closed his eyes, and dropped back down on my chest. He drifted off to sleep with in minutes, while I ran my fingers through his hair, and hummed Metallica, "I promise."