I'm Iron Man, And I'm Agent Coulson

Chapter 73 Vibranium and Disaster

Knock knock knock

I stared out my large picture window, refusing to move from the small loveseat in my room. The sun had risen and painted the buildings a light orange, and purple. It was almost beautiful if I wasn't in such a terrible mood. Sleep would of helped, but there was to much rushing through my mind, too much noise in my head for me to close my eyes for a few minutes, even after a warm bath.
I refused to go downstairs, or look through the hundreds of boxes of files, because I needed time to dwell on what happened, and figure out how to fix it.
I focused on the small details Tony mentioned earlier, about not being close to even establishing much of anything, which forced me to believe the sceptor had more power than we could of imagined. It obviously had the ability to change the human genome, and infiltrating an AI program technically, wasn't that far off, but those progressing thoughts didn't make what happened easier to deal with.
We had an AI program with limitless access to whatever it wanted, and since it still had a legionnaire in its charge, along with the sceptor, I couldn't even begin to imagine the havoc it was creating. While we were stuck here, looking through breadcrumbs, and trying to find anything that may help us. I berated myself and whatever ability I had, for not helping me, and I still had no idea how to harness it, or at least make it useful.
If my nani believed I was meant for this, meant to take a stand next to the heroes of men, then why was I still left without answers?
Why wasn't my ability helping me when I desperately needed it to. I was beginning to believe it was all bullshit, and shouldn't count on it to help, but in the quiet of my room, I wanted to believe. I wanted to believe all of it, and take that next step, which had alluded me all my life.

Knock knock knock

"(Y/n), open the goddamn door," Nat shrieked, and kept banging.
"Son of a bitch," I cursed, and carefully got up. The scratches on my back made it difficult to move, but the medicine Cho put on was going to inhibit the pain and speed up healing. I just hoped it worked faster, as I unlocked the door and shuffled back to my seat.

"I see the widow of Gotham city is up in her tower, hopefully not waiting for her prince charming to rescue her?" She scoffed, as she walked in the door, "because he's to busy downstairs being a bit of a jerk."
"Don't start, and no not much of a widow," I shrugged giving her a weak smile, "just trying to think, and calm down."
"Yah, I got that," Red grumbled and finally sat down. I noted she was already in her uniform, "you wanna tell me what's going on with you, besides the usual?"
"You wanna tell me what was hidden in those files or phone calls?" I retorted, but when she didn't answer I jumped up and began pacing around my room, "yah, I didn't think so, so no, I'll figure my own shit out, thank you." 
"They're not my secrets to tell," she stated carefully, "and I didn't come here to talk about that, I came here because you and I have been through a lot, so much that I trust you with my life, and you trust me just the same. I want you to tell me what's going on with you? Clint's still a little uneasy about what you said in the lab, I think Cap is too, which is something we also need to talk about? Did I spy with my little eye you almost kiss him on the dance floor? How drunk were you?"
"I told you not to let me drink so much," I mustered, but felt the smile pepper my lips, "alcohol, loneliness, and coming down from the mission didn't bode so well with someone like me," I snapped, "it was a lapse in judgement, you know how I feel about Steve, but what I said in the lab still stands Talia, and honestly, I believe Tony, not for the reason's you think, but because I felt and saw something in that castle..I don't know what it was..but it wasn't good."
She got up and leaned up against my dresser and picked up a photo I had of her, Clint and I, while out on Long Island, "I'm not doubting you, but then again, you really haven't made me privy to what's really going on," she continued, only to roll her eyes once I shook my head.
"That's because I don't know, I have no answers, just more questions, so what's there to talk about?" I lamented, "I'm more worried about the path in front of us, and what it means for all of us, what it may mean for me?"
"Okay, I can deal with that, but those moments of clarity can really do a number on you, can't they?" She sighed, and put the picture down, "I've had dozens since I started down this path, but after each one, I still put on my uniform and march forward. I have to believe that, we all do."
"Natalia, I know you do and why you fight, or at least why you started fighting for SHIELD," I faltered, "to clean your ledger, but you and I are two different creatures of habit. We may both believe in loyalty, but I'm loyal to people, not the job itself, and I honor that loyalty by fighting and protecting who I care for. It's why I left the marines, and too be honest something happened in Sokovia, and Tony won't talk to me," I paused, and let go of a deep breath, "I actually understand why Tony and Bruce did what they did, and strangely, I may have reacted the same way if I thought it would work. Something's off about this whole thing, like the first domino just fell, it another one did. I felt it in Sokovia, but we lose a bit of ourselves continually trying to protect the people we love, when does it stop?"
"Never," she answered, and gave me a sad smile, "and I believe you, but once you're on this path.."
"Right, but what if it did end, what if we could end all that by finding something, we can't fight forever cectpa..." I mumbled, "I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. I just see and feel things differently, I have since I fell, and whatever this thing is, my alarms are going off..and I'm..I don't know if I have much left to give here, I'm split in two.."