I'm Iron Man, And I'm Agent Coulson

Chapter 98 I'm afraid he'll let me fall

I didn't wake up till we were already parked in the Tower garage, and Tony slammed the door, but once the fog lifted, I noticed his frown, and the tightness of his shoulders. He was fine when we got into the truck, but then
I remembered hearing two different conversations, Tony had, on the way home, yet I didn't hear anything except mumbles, and hushed words, but his anger and worry were there.

"Whatever you're mad about, go deal with it, and I'll take the bags upstairs," I said through a stretch, and a yawn.
"When you're done, I need you to meet me in the lab," he ordered, and quickly headed upstairs, before I could stop him.
"Oh, okay," I mumbled and grabbed our bags. I followed the same path Tony did, and racked my still sleepy brain at what he could be upset about. The last person he talked to sounded like Rhodey, but I couldn't figure out what would change Tony's demeanor so abruptly.
My heart beat quickly rushed into my ears, and my full hands started shaking. My first thought was Steve, immediately thinking about Peggy, but then Bruce and Thor also popped into my mind.
I burst onto Tony's floor, dropped the bags, and grabbed my phone off the bar.
"(Y/n), Mr. Stark needs you downstairs, now," FRIDAY demanded, but I opened my phone.
Texts, missed phone calls, and emails burst onto my screen. Most of them from Nat and Rhodey, so I clicked Nat's name and dialed.
"Mr. Stark needs to talk to you, please head to the lab," she reiterated.
"I'll be right there, I'm just making sure everyone's okay," I snapped, but headed downstairs before Nat answered the phone.
"What happened? Is it Steve?! Are you guys alright?" I gasped, and slowed my pace when Nat's head popped up on screen.
"Whoa whoa...What the hell are you talking about? Steve's fine, he's right here, we're all fine," she asserted, "why're you home already, and freaking out?"
"What the fuck... Rhodes called Tony in the truck, and something he said upset Tony, I just assumed it may of been about Steve or maybe Peggy. That's why I thought something happened..." I countered, and stopped at the glass doors to the lab. I eyed Tony while he talked into his phone, and paced around his lab like a jungle cat paces around its pen, "what's going on, we just got home, and Tony's already freaking out, and on the phone?" I continued, and watched as Tony tossed his phone on the counter, and moved things off his screen, he hadn't even noticed me yet.
"Uh, maybe you should just ask Tony what his problem is?" She mused, "I'm driving, so call me later if you need me."
"Natasha!?" I hissed, but went ahead and threw open the door, once she hung up, and rushed into the lab, "what happened?"
"Who were you talking too?" He demanded, and turned a few screens from my view. His voice was harsh, and full of worry.
"It was Red, relax. I thought something happened at the facility since you've been stomping around since we pulled in," I replied, and frowned at him, "we just got home Tony, just tell me what's going on?"

His voice was hard, and sweat dotted his forehead, but he took a deep breath and waved me over, "secrets out," he surmised, and brought up a few pictures of Tony and I at dinner, and in my truck in a lover's embrace. The pictures were actually well taken, and looked more like Christmas cards, but the constant pages being added to the screen showed just how fast those pictures were spreading.
"Okay, and that's making you angry because...?" I retorted, and met his eyes, "I thought you said..." I paused and swallowed the lump growing in my throat, when he didn't answer, "then you shouldn't have taken me up there, if you weren't ready for people to know! I told you I didn't want to go out!" I exploded, and turned to leave, but Tony grabbed my arms, and pulled my back against his chest.
"Always assuming the worst.. Of course I want people to know, but I need to make a statement and begin the proceedings of cease desist letters to some of these news stations," he growled in my ear, but held me against him. His grip wasn't tight, but it softened once I relaxed, and turned back towards the screens.
"Is it that bad?" I whispered, and focused on two of his screens. My breath hitched in my throat once I started to see the picture, most of the media, painted of me. I wasn't really surprised they thought I was a home wrecker, or the list of other derogatory words they used to write their articles.
I forced the tears down, and kept the shock from marring my face, but more and more headlines began to pop up everywhere.
Old pictures of me in an military uniform, alongside Rhodes, fighting during the New York Incident, and out for dinner or lunch with Steve and Nat, popped up, along with blurbs of who I was. The world already knew who I was, but now my information had taken a different skew. Instead of being listed as a hero, or even as an Avenger, my name was synonymous with a cache of words I'd never been called before, even some dealing with my race.
I figured the fallout would be bad, but I didn't expect to be painted as a stain next to Pepper. I think that's what hurt worse than anything. It shouldn't of, because Natasha was right, I wasn't Pepper.
I was an Avenger, a soldier, a damned good one too, but the horrible words hit me like bullets, and I quickly turned away from it all.
"I'm taking care of everything," Tony reassured me, as he let me go and stepped back to the screens.
"Oh okay.." I stammered, and cleared my tightening throat, "then I don't have anything to worry about, right? One of us should call Pepper and make sure.." I mumbled, as I gave him a smile, and began to walk towards the door.
"I already did, and no you don't have to worry about anything," he insisted. A frown spread over his face, but I kept my fake smile firmly on my lips, "are you gonna be alright, I know this is alot? And don't believe a word these morons are saying..do you understand?"
"Sure, and I'm fine," I answered, and turned to the door, "I'm gonna go unpack.. I'll see you in a bit," I rushed out, and walked to the elevator, but as soon as the doors closed I dialed Nat's phone number, and tried to keep my breaths steady. Tears burned my eyes, but I held my head up, and focused on the elevator wall.
"That was fast, and you need to breath. It's not as bad as you think.." She encouraged, and forced my eyes on hers, "whatever you're thinking, let it go, do you understand me?"
"You knew!" I shrieked, and burst from the elevator onto Tony's floor.
"The whole fucken United States knows, and you're acting like you're surprised by all this?" Nat questioned, and slid out of her car.
"Did..did you see what they're saying?" I gasped, and looked around Tony's large, open living room, "this is worse than before..."
"Yes, and those pictures are beautiful by the way, but my question is, why're you letting it bother you?" She asked, and set her phone down, "you know, I'm beginning to wonder about your mental wellbeing, I don't think I've ever seen you this irritated before, and that's saying alot," she snorted.
"I...I don't know.." I whispered, and clenched at my chest, "I can't breathe..."
"Listen to my voice, I'm almost there cectpa," she murmured, "Tony and Rhodes thought it would be a good idea to have me on standby, just in case you freaked out. They know you well," she giggled.
"This isn't funny!" I shrieked, and leaned against one of the stools by the bar, "oh god, Pepper.."
"Let's worry about calming you down first, then we can move on to whatever's next," she urged, through the roaring of blood in my ears, "and here I am!" The elevator opened, and she strutted out in her usual dark jeans, boots, and leather jacket. "Besides the shitty look on your face, you look good..Three days of sex can work wonders, did you guys use the sex toys?" She chided, and plopped down on the couch while I freaked out, and began pulling a Jameson bottle from under the bar. I quickly unscrewed the cap off and took two big swills, only to cough and almost puke with the taste and burn, but the expensive alcohol was already warming my stomach and shoulders.
"At least pour your guest a glass," she harped, and pushed her hair red away from her face.
"Keep talking to me like a child, and I'm gonna break this shit over your goddamn head," I growled, but poured her a glass, and slid it down the bar to her.
"That actually sounds like fun, compared to what Steve has us doing at the facility," she shrugged, and downed the glass of brown liquor.
"Natasha I'm really freaking out over here," I admitted, and took another long drink from the bottle.
"Okay, well real question, what's really the problem here?" She started, and sat down in front of me, "is it what they're saying, or the reality of being with the love of your life, after all this time?"
I frowned at her, and quickly dropped my head to my chest. In true BFF fashion she nailed it, in one blow what was rushing through my head.
I could tell myself, till I was blue in the face, that I wasn't everything those sites and papers were saying, but seeing the once happy face of Tony and Pepper just reiterated those shadows on the periphery of everything I did.
He told me I was where he wanted to be, that it was me in his heart this whole time, but the overwhelming reality of the cameras outside, made my stomach nauseous, and my heart crack.
What if he decided this was too much?
What if it was just the sex?
What if he realizes I'm too different from Pep, and I'm not what he wants?