I'm Iron Man, And I'm Agent Coulson

Chapter 24 New Life

"Sir, you have a package waiting for you in your lab," JARVIS remarked as Tony walked into his Malibu home, after another meeting with Ross about Dr. Banner.
"I'm not really in the mood..." Tony muttered, but headed downstairs to his lab.
He was tired, but the kind of tired no amount of sleep would fix, and Pep was gone for the next few days, leaving him alone to sit in his lab and work.
He never really minded being alone with his work and music blaring, but even with his mind fixated on the welds in front of him, or the blueprints for a new tower in Manhattan, there was one thing he still couldn't seem to get out of his mind.
It'd been four and a half weeks since she left, and while he was still unofficially involved with Pepper, taking it slow, (y/n) never really left his manic mind or her place in his life. That big epiphany he had in the air, over a month ago, was still there, forcing him to question his decisions, but he inadvertently listened to her, in the end.
He never expected one small kiss, and a fight, would send her away to SHIELD, but apparently she had her own secrets, just as he did, and was already planning on leaving before he made a different decision on some nondescript roof.
She didn't even give him time to explain, but what would he have said to her, if she did? That rush of warmth scared him, still did, but (y/n) was gone.
Her closeness to Natasha started to make sense now, as did her conversation with Rhodes.
Rhodes asked him if he knew what job she had lined up, but neither him nor Pepper had any idea she was headed to SHIELD, until the last minute, and he had no way to contact her. She wasn't answering her phone, and Fury refused to answer his questions.
He regretted not telling her about the poison slowly killing him, and for the life of him he couldn't figure out why he didn't tell her something so important. She was one person who understood his demons, who understood what he went through with almost everything these last four years she'd been here. He shared so much of himself with her, and she with him, not knowing he was giving her more than just information, and trust.
(Y/n) definitely left a mark on his life, but she promised him they wouldn't lie to each other, that they'd be honest with one another, and he failed, but she did too.
He could still see her crying face reaching for him as he sat amongst the flames of his birthday party, in his nightmares. (Y/n) offered herself to him again, but the notion of accepting what was happening, and that she loved him, was just too much.
Oh, and she did love him, she said it a few times in her sleep, it showed in those beautiful amber eyes, and by how she acted, but it was too much.
Now she was gone, and he didn't know what he could do to fix it, or if he even could.
He kissed Pepper in the spur of the moment, caught up in the fight, and that she was safe, but he felt a shift in his stomach, a rush of protection and warmth for the woman who'd been his friend for almost a decade, inadvertently choosing the path with least resistance, and didn't scare the crap out of him.
Yet, sadly when he kissed (y/n), and touched her skin, something akin to an explosion engulfed his chest, it was different, life affirming even, but he just couldn't take her hand, and the reason seemed so stupid now, but he was involved with Pepper, and liked the speed they were taking things.
It was slow, and didn't involve the blistering emotions which freaked him out. He liked Pepper, and she was definitely different, and strong enough to handle whatever came their way. At least so far.