I'm Iron Man, And I'm Agent Coulson

Chapter 116 Life Happened

The days leading up to the New Year passed quickly, and uneventfully, which was fine with me. For four wonderful days we spent most of our time together, and did things any normal couple would do. Tony finally took me to a fancy dinner, and a movie, although he rented out the whole movie theater, but I was unbelievably happy just too have him with me, out, doing something normal, besides diving back into work.
We both stayed in the tower, watched the fireworks, for New Year's, from the landing pad, and made love till the morning hours, but as the first day of the year approached I held onto him, and cherished those small moments, and words, cause I knew as soon as the New Year started, both of us would be diving right back into our own work.
He mentioned over a dozen meetings and projects he was heading up, and while I encouraged him to do what he needed, an odd feeling spread over my body as I watched him get out of bed the day after New Years.
My stomach clenched, and tears moistened my eyes, but I sat back and watched him get ready, and quickly head down stairs, while I quickly began to contemplate every single thing I'd been through this past year alone, and how different my present looked. I never would of imagined ending up here, with the man I couldn't get out of my head for years, yet here I was. We just celebrated Christmas together, New Years, and I was still staying in his tower, had been except for a few nights with Tasha at the facility every week or so.
But I couldn't describe the sudden ill fated rush of sadness permeating my chest, but it almost felt like a long goodbye, which was silly. It was a new year, meaning new beginnings, and we shared so much, Tony and I would be fine.
So, I let go of my trepidation, got up, and focused on the time we shared, and what layed ahead of us, while I got back to work.

Yet, after an amazing end of the year, that trepidation returned as days continued to fly by, and my search into my background deepened.
I began spending more time with Vision, than I did anyone else, continuously searching for answers.
Tony did his usual upgrades, consulting, and out reaches to so many different organizations, it was hard to keep up. He actually left back to MIT, almost as soon as January started, while I stayed and worked with his foundation, Vision, and forced myself to read the stack of books I hadn't touched in over a year.

I encouraged Tony to seek out and help where he wanted, but before I knew it, February was gone, and March was trickling by, and I couldn't help but notice how much time we spent apart. In fact, if Natasha hadn't asked about Valentine's Day, I wouldn't of realized both Tony and I missed it. I wasn't big on celebrating the romantic holiday, but it made me long for the time we spent together during Christmas and before that.
I'd always known how busy and important Tony's schedule was, but I didn't want to have a relationship through text messages, or video chats, and the farther I dove into my heritage and training, the more I needed him, but I clung to the words we spoke to one another Christmas Day, and so many before that. But I didn't want to have the same relationship as he did with Pepper, and on most days it was all he could offer me.
In fact, the longest conversation we had this past week was about a new non-invasive program dealing with mental health, and the foundation, since we were now planning to head into Libya in a few weeks.
There was so much more to say, especially with the new influx of my abilities, and constant tests from Vision, but I patiently listened, and offered advice as he chattered excitedly about the program and what it had to offer.
I knew he kept himself busy partly because it kept his guilt and the weight of carrying so much on the outskirts, but it'd been a few weeks since I'd felt his lips on mine, or touched him, and I was hanging by a tenuous thread.
The team helped alleviate some of my loneliness, especially Steve and Natasha, but I was tired of going back to the tower, only to end up alone. So, I ended up staying at the facility for days at a time, training, continually going over my files with Vision, and subjecting myself to Wanda's powers, more and more. 
I don't know why I didn't just tell Tony to come home, or make him more privy to what was happening at training, or the strange markers we suddenly found in my bloodwork, maybe because I didn't want to believe it, or wanted to find out more, and didn't want to add to his worry, but I needed him, without him, the raw taste of fear, from realizing something was happening to me, began to take over on most days, and I couldn't stop it.
Something was happening to me, and it was happening to fast for any of us to figure out. Vision was besides himself looking for answers, as I was, but the search had become more desperate, now that my abilities had taken a different turn.
My ability to hold Wanda off only grew with time and strenuous training, but by March, her flux of magic no longer had the strength to knock me down, nor have any effect whatsoever, neither did Vision's, which scared the shit out of all of us.
It was as if these strange anomalies made themselves more present once the stones came into play, but we didn't know why. We didn't even know why the abnormalities in my blood popped up, since I'd had blood tests done before, and they weren't there, last year. Vis had no idea what these markers were, but they weren't a part of my heritage, at least we had no ability to test it since I was the last in my line.
My abilities did, however, have an effect on my overall demeanor, surroundings, and physical features, mainly my eyes, and they seemed to get worse with more training, but I continued to push myself, because I needed to know what was happening to me, and why.
In almost three months of this, I was scared and overwhelmed by the way things changed with my moods, and it only grew worse as my melancholy, and rage, permeated my entire being. Objects shook and moved, even the environment seemed to be effected during training bouts, especially if I was overtaken by anger or fear.
I was shocked once Steve showed me the training videos of Wanda and I training together, and my eyes seemed to glow as I punched through her powers, but I was so close to panic after one of our last sessions, and the aftermath, it took on the people around me, mainly Natasha, but I still didn't want to alarm Tony, nor did I want to add to his constant worry, not when we still didn't know why.
Besides, in my trepidation, I began to tell myself I shouldn't have to beg the person I loved for some time, and I clung to the promise he made that he'd help me. We talked almost every day and he did come home for a few nights, and while I did make him aware of the constant training, and a few other things, we were both just so busy, and invested in other things, but after a few months I began swirling down a black drain, and couldn't stop it.
I honestly couldn't think anymore, and my tumultuous moods were becoming taxing, and my ability to hold those emotions in, had become near non-existent.
There were no explanations, no epiphanies as to why this was happening to me, now, of all things, and we found nothing to explain it, except the stones. Just the same old documents, files, and letters, but nothing helped ease the heavy burden resting on my shoulders. I felt like I was on autopilot, going through the motions, as my fear of what was happening, seemed to just get worse.
My whole situation was unprecedented, and forced my already shaky disposition further down a dark road, but again I pushed forward when Vision asked, hoping sooner or later we would figure out the whys, but through all that, I felt utterly alone, and began to face what was happening to me, alone, even though Tony promised he'd be there to help me.
I thought things would be different for us, and they were, for those first few months, but lately, nothing seemed the same, and he was just getting farther away from me, each day. I sent him small loving texts, clips of music, hoping he'd know just how much I missed him, but usually, some of my texts went unanswered, or short 'I love you toos', would show up. It wasn't enough, and by the end of March, I was exhausted, and it showed.