I'm Iron Man, And I'm Agent Coulson

Chapter 122 Mama Rhodes

"(Y/n) it's time to get up," Mama Rhodes announced through the fog of sleep, "get up, I need some help with dinner, don't make me get the wet towel.."
"What?" I groaned, and finally forced my eyes open, slowly realizing where I was, "I'm still tired.."
"Oh no, get up, you've been in bed long enough," she preached, and kicked my bed, "I'm getting the water, I ain't joking (y/n)!"
"Alright, alright, I'm up!" I grunted, and put two feet down on the carpet, "stop yelling."
"Then get your behind in here, and help me," she ordered again, and walked down the hall towards the kitchen.
I rolled my eyes, and stretched my arms over my head. My side seized a little, but it didn't hurt as bad as before, and the knick on my neck itched under the clean bandage. My body wanted to crawl back under the covers, but I looked around the spare bedroom, slowly coming to terms with where I was. Pictures and trinkets were everywhere, and my bags were on the chair, open. Mama Rhodes called my name again, so I gingerly stood up, and stumbled through the hall.
I didn't know how long I'd been in Virginia, but I wasn't as scattered as I was a few days ago. I was still exhausted, but felt better rested, and a little more relaxed.
The fight and my argument with Tony filtered through my mind as the smell of fish and dough filled my nose. I still believed I was right, and he acted like an asshole, but that didn't mean I had to leave the facility, or drive three states away. I told myself and Tony I needed to stop running from everything, and at the first sight of trouble, it's always the first thing I did, instead of facing my problems and dealing with them right then and there. I recognized it was something I needed to work on, but I was glad to be away from all of them, for a little while. I couldn't breathe at the facility, and while I still needed to face Tony and the foundation sooner or later, I wasn't ready to head back home, plus I'm sure they knew where I was, and that I was safe.
For a little while I didn't want to think about my abilities, or Tony. I needed a little quiet, a chance to come down from everything, and I couldn't do that in New York.

"Cut this salad up, and set the table for me," Mama Rhodes demanded, and pointed to the vegetables on her counter.
My stomach rumbled with all the smells, but I lumbered over to the counter and began to chop vegetables, and set the table. She remained quiet as we worked, but I could feel her worry and questions in the air.
After she was done she ushered me to the table and served us our food, urging me to take it easy with my side.
We ate in silence, and I kept my head down, hoping it would deter her from asking anything, but it didn't.

"Now, I'm not gonna start by yelling at the fact you drove over here covered in blood, but a little argument wouldn't of sent you three states away," she jested, and pulled her black camisole a little tighter. Her dark eyes stared into mine, but her lips went up in a smile, as she took another bite, "c'mon, out with it."
"No, but I don't really feel like talking about it either," I urged, and moved my food around on my plate, "at least not right now."
"If you want dessert, you're gonna start talking," she snickered, "and you've slept for damned near two days."
My fork stopped moving, "two days..?"
"Yep, and you slept through me re-bandaging your neck and side. You still mumble in your sleep..." she continued, "Tony, mostly, but you also spoke in a language I don't recognize.."
I released a long breath and blurted out everything, as if I'd been waiting to do just that. I told her about Bucky and the fall, Tony's admittance about how he felt about me, and everything since then. All of it, my abilities, my grandmother's letter, Wanda, the fight, all of it.
After a long hour, I deflated and sat back as she continued eating. She didn't say a word, nor did my outburst shake her resolve.
I took a long sip from my beer and shakily set it down.
"So you've gone through all that in less than a year?" She asked quizzedly, and finally put down her fork.
"Yes," I replied.
"Well no wonder your skipped out of there like some wild rabbit," she commented, "honey, I'm glad you came here, and told somebody, but there's nothing wrong with needing some time, and you haven't give yourself any."
"It's not just that...and time's something I just don't have a lot of," I murmured.
She snickered, "none of us do, but that doesn't mean you have to keep running, how you expect to solve anything or deal with it when you're always running?"
"You're not telling me anything I don't already know," I seethed, but determined to sit and listen to her. Her presence commanded that I listened, much like Rhodey's.
"If you knew it, then you wouldn't be here, you'd be with your team, and Tony," she replied, and began picking up the plates, "there ain't nothing wrong with a man caring about the one woman he can't live without, he probably could of handled it better, but you both could of cooled off, and talked about it. You gotta give them some room to make mistakes, or nothing would work," she shrugged, and gave me a smile, seemingly repeating Tony's words, and mine, "what kind of pie do you want? Apple or cherry?"
"Really? That's your advice, your epiphany for me? Pie?" I growled, and dropped my head to my chest.
"Well, that's some of it," she mused, and pulled two pies out or the oven, "what's really bothering you?"
"I don't know if I can do this anymore.." I confessed, after a few quiet seconds.
"Of course you can, cause there ain't no thinking otherwise. You've been running since you left home, and you have abilities, okay, but they've always been there, you and I both know that, but even if you find answers or don't, you have to accept who and what you are, no document, or picture can change what you already know about yourself. All you're doing is wasting time the good lord gave you," she stated strongly, "you're you child, and found your place in the world, fighting next to my Jimmy, and your team. You found your forever with Tony, and it's about time too. I liked that Pepper, but oh, to see you two together, oh I knew it ten years ago at James's birthday party."
"Knew what?" I asked, and leaned forward with tear filled eyes. It took a minute for the memories to return, but that particular party was a long time ago. Yet once the memories did come, a small smile spread over my lips.
I'd been working for Tony and Pep for awhile, maybe two years by then, and Tony threw a birthday party for Rhodes in Malibu. Pep was out of town, so it was just the three of us, Mama Rhodes, and tons of nameless people. Because of that, I stayed near the three of them, quietly enjoying Tony's flirtations, and his need to dance with me. It was that night I began to wonder about what I felt for Tony, and the feeling grew more so afterwards.
"Honey, when you reach my age, you see things, and watch your children grow up, and experience the world and all the emotions that come with it," she replied softly, and handed me a plate with two pieces of pie, "when a man looks at a woman, and you get to see him realize what love looks like, well, you recognize it when you see it, and I recognized it that night. I've seen Tony laugh, and do all sorts of things, some I'd like to forget actually, but never in my life have I seen him look at someone like he looks at you. Christmas was the first time I've actually seen that man relax and enjoy something other than building things. I've always believed the woman holds the heart, and the man holds the armour, but in your case you and Tony provide both to each other."
"Mama Rhodes, I know all that, I do, I love him with everything I have, but..after the yelling..I was just," I mustered, and wiped my face.
"Angry, pissed, maybe a little lost?" She scoffed, and slipped her hands in her jean pockets, "it happens darlin', and with everything you've been through, I understand, but the good one's, the real good men, usually, if you give them time, they apologize, and listen to your misgivings. Sometimes it took Jimmy's dad a couple of weeks, but he spent just as much time groveling.." She laughed at the memory, and nodded to an old hazy picture behind me. It showed two well dressed people, very much in love, and happily holding onto to each other. Rhodey looked like his dad, especially the way his father smiled in the picture as he held onto Mama Rhodes's pregnant belly. "Pictures show just a peak into that happiness honey, they don't show the fights, and the struggles, but what happens once you realize that that's all they are," she continued and finally sat down, "I can hear the fear in your voice when you talk about your new abilities and Tony, but I'm telling you, just like your grandma did, all those years ago, you need to accept what you have and go on with your life."
"You don't think I know that?!" I gasped loudly, "like I haven't been trying to do just that? Some days I get up and I can almost do what you're asking, but on most days..."
"Well, you've heard me tell you this before, but one day at a time," she joked, and ate her pie, "these things take some time, and I bet you haven't stopped working since Christmas?"
"I need to find answers, and Tony..he wasn't there.." I whispered, ashamed that I sounded like a petulant child.
"Well, it doesn't sound like you told him you needed him, and are those answers gonna change what you already know?" She fired back, and learned forward, "are those answers gonna change what you have running through your veins or how you feel?"
I reared back, but stayed in my seat. That wasn't a question I'd asked myself since I started looking. I wanted to find answers to explain the why's and hows. Plus there was the question of finding whatever nanita believed was coming, before it got here. I needed these answers to make sense of all the reasons I felt out of place, and grew up feeling the way I always did. Stained, and full of shadows.
"Finding answers isn't gonna change the relationships around you honey, but putting off the inevitable will," she added, "did you ever wonder what would happen if you don't find any answers? Were you planning on looking forever?"
"I have too.." I whimpered, but finally understood where she was coming from.
"Why? They're not gonna stop what's happening to you, and they sure as hell won't help you with the everyday things you have in front of you, namely your family and friends," she stated thickly, "you gotta finally embrace who you are, and let yourself live a little, before it's too late."
"And what if I can't?" I whispered, clenching at my upset stomach.
"I refuse to believe that, and so do you, that's fear talking," she leveled, and reached for my hand, "sweetheart, I've known you for a long time, and the only things that's changed is your age, and the brightness of your eyes. You're still the same ol stubborn young woman, who doesn't really know how to accept the good things that come her way."
"So people keep telling me," I sighed, and layed my head down on the table. My long hair was falling out of its braid, and my neck was starting to burn from the strain, but my tense shoulders slowly began to release my tension, "so I messed up, and need to accept the inevitable? Even when Tony's wrong?"
"Pfff, men are allowed to act irrationally baby, women do it all the time," she teased, and squeezed my hand, "you gotta have some space to make mistakes and learn from them. You have ta take what ya got, cause it ain't gonna change just because you can't accept it."
"Mama R," I stammered through tears, "I'm so tired of all these shadows, all the nightmares, and running.."
"Then you need to stop, and face who you are, accept the gifts you've been given, and don't look back," she said with finality.
"I'm still gonna look for answers," I murmured petulantly, "not just to understand, but because I've been running from my ancestors, from that part of my past, for too long."
"I would expect nothing less, but you don't need to let those answers consume you," she continued, and dove back into her slice of pie, "not when you have a life already waiting for you to be lived. I've said all I need to about this, so finish eating, and help me get the dishes done."
I slowly nodded my head and picked at my pie, finally taking a bite and moaning at the explosion of cherry on my tongue.
"You'll be alright baby, and I'm glad you're here," she lamented, "I have a few things around the house that need to be done, and if you wanna eat, you're gonna help me, at least till you decide to go home."
"Yes ma'am," I answered, and gave her a smile, "thank you.."
"Your welcome, eat," she insisted, and patted my hand.