1.
My parents recently retired. Mom always wanted to learn to play the piano, so dad bought her a piano for her birthday.
A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing.
"Oh, we returned the piano." said my dad, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet instead."
"How come?" I asked.
"Because," he answered, "with a clarinet, she can't sing"
2.
"But officer," she said, batting her eyelashes. "I thought pretty women didn't get tickets."
"You're right," he said, scribbling a note onto the ticket he was writing out.
Ripping it from the ticket pad, he handed it to her with a smile.
"They don't."
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