1.
The young clerk's responsibilities included bringing the judge a hot cup of coffee at the start of everyday.
Each morning the judge was enraged that the coffee cup arrived two thirds full. The clerk explained that he had to rush to get the coffee delivered while it was still hot, which caused him to spill much of it along the way.
None of the judge's yelling and insults produced a full cup of coffee, until he finally threatened to cut the clerk's pay by one third if he continued to produce one third less than the judge wanted.
The next morning he was greeted with a cup of coffee that was full to the brim, and the next morning and the morning after that. The judge couldn't resist gloating over his success and smugly complimented the clerk on his new technique.
"Oh, there's not much to it," admitted the clerk happily, "I take some coffee in my mouth right outside the coffee room, and I spit it back in when I get outside your office"
2.
There are two polite people having dinner together. On the table there is a dish with one big piece of fish and one small piece of fish.
They politely say to each other: "You may choose first."
"No, you may choose first." And this goes on for a while.
Then the first person says: "OK, I'll take first."
And he takes the BIG piece of fish.
The second person: "Why did you take the big piece? That's not polite!"
The first person says: "Which piece would you have taken?"
The second person replies: "Why, I would have taken the SMALL piece of course."
The first person says:" Well, that's what you have now."
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