Best Insults Comebacks & More

Savage Stories

1.

Three ladies died and went to heaven. When they arrived, St. Peter greeted them and said: "You may do whatever you please in Heaven, but don't step on the ducks."

As expected, there were ducks everywhere. Very soon, one of the ladies stepped on a duck. St. Peter came to the woman and handcuffed her to a hideously ugly man.

"For stepping on a duck, you will be forced to be with this ugly man for the rest of eternity."

The second lady tried extremely hard not to step on a duck, but soon failed. St. Peter came again and handcuffed her to a hideously ugly man.

"For stepping on a duck, you will have to spend the rest of eternity with this ugly man," he told her before leaving.

The third woman was determined to not step on any ducks.

After a few months of not stepping on a duck, St. Peter came to her with a gorgeously handsome man. He then handcuffed them to each other and told them that they would have to spend eternity together.

After he had left, the woman asked what she could have did to have deserve such a handsome man.

The man simply answered: "I don't know lady, but I stepped on a duck."

2.

A lawyer was questioning the testimony of a witness to a shooting. "Did you see the shot fired?"

"No sir I only heard it"

"Stand down" said the judge sharply. "your testimony is of no value."

The witness turned around in the box to leave, and when his back was turned to the judge he laughed loudly and derisively.

Irate at this exhibition of contempt, the judge called the witness back to the chair and demanded to know how he dared to laugh at the court.

"Did you see me laugh, Judge? asked the witness.

"No, but I heard you," retorted the judge.

"That evidence is not satisfactory, your honour said the witness respectfully