Imagine If You Assembled The Avengers: Volume 2

I Didn't Understand That Reference (Rogers/Wilson x reader)

"I swear, that's the last time that I fly commercial," you hissed, storming through the door and throwing your suitcase into the center of the Avenger's Compound living room, leaving your belongings to break free and litter the area, "what good is it to know Tony goddamn Stark if you can't borrow a jet once in a while?"

"Bad flight?" Steve smirked, sliding himself onto his knees on the floor from the couch, beginning to gather your clothes. When he almost grabbed something lacier than what he cared to know about, he pulled his arm back as if he were stung by it, recoiling and taking a seat again where it was safe.

"The flight was just fine, Steve. It was the gate massage that worked my last nerve."

Steve stared at you blankly for a few seconds, watching you work on the job of cleaning up that he had abandoned as you slammed your clothes into your bag with curses under your breath. The room had become strangely silent around you until you finally noticed, looking up to see your friend with his brow furrowed in complete confusion. "What's a...gate massage?"

"It's a TSA pat-down with a happy landing. But really, it's not all that happy. It pissed me off is what it did," you answered in a huff, "and cost that jackass two of his teeth before his partner pulled me off of him."

"(Y/N)! They could have arrested you!"

"But they didn't...I'm here, aren't I?"

"How, exactly?"

"I told them that I had a baby in the closet and if I didn't get home on that flight I would miss the one opportunity that I had to tell Captain America himself that he was gonna be a daddy before his life-threatening mission. The fake tears really helped sell it."

If Steve's mouth hadn't been hanging open at your first comment, now it was practically on the floor, his mind blank in shock and true inability to speak. Sam wandered in mid-conversation and was leaning against the bar as he listened in, the final thing you had said leaving him choking on his drink at the very first swallow.

"I knew I heard you two using the microwave a few weeks ago!" he shouted once he caught his breath. "These walls aren't as insulated as you might think! Wow, Cap, way to get in there!"

"I...I didn't...we aren't..." Steve stammered, his face white as a ghost now, "...um...what?"

"Ew, Sam, no!" you protested, throwing one of your socks at him only to find his laugher getting louder. "We didn't, and I'm not, it was just to get past security. No pups in this bat cave, and it definitely wouldn't be Steve's if there was. Gross."

"If I weren't so confused right now, I'd be offended," the Captain whispered, his hands out in front of him expectantly as he waiting for you to clarify. You thought about leaving him hanging there a little while before letting him off the hook, but the poor guy looked downright pitiful.

"Where did we lose you?" Sam asked first, taking a seat next to his friend, drink still in hand. "Baby in the closet? Microwave?"

"All of it. I'm just relieved that it wasn't baby in the microwave."

"Okay," you began, taking a seat on the floor in front of him, "I think we need to introduce you to Urban Dictionary." You pulled your phone from your bag and opened it up to the screen you wanted him to see, handing it to him despite his hesitancy to take it, "ask us when you have a question."

"That shouldn't take long," Sam chuckled quietly, leaning closer to Steve to watch over his shoulder. "Hey, maybe that's what I heard through my wall...doctorbating."

"No, Sam..." you groaned, pushing the thought of Steve making any kinds of sounds from his room leaving you grimacing and desperately trying to shake the image away that was accosting your mind. "You're such an asshole, Wilson."

"Doctor...bating..." Steve muttered as he read the description, his face quickly turning redder with each word. "Sam! That was not what was happening! I was watching a movie!"

"Pornstorming?"

When your hand flew up over your mouth to stifle your laugh, Steve shot you an angry glare with his jaw set tight and a warning in his eyes to dare you to let it out. "Watch it, kid. Not one more word, (Y/N)."

"What? I didn't say anything!" you argued back quickly. "I think it's great to take care of yourself, Steve. You do you, boo boo."

"Oh, he did."

"I'm going to kill you," Steve smiled coldly and turned to Sam, "so slowly and painfully." He pushed himself up to give chase, tossing your phone back to you with a snap of his wrist that made it hit your face with a tap on your cheek that reminded you of something you had seen not so long ago and had actually forgotten.

Watching him chase his friend and hearing the screams and pleas from Sam to let him go, you searched the site, only to find a top definition that was better than anything you could have imagined, hurrying to your feet to catch up with the two men. "Sam! Steve! You've gotta see this!"

Seeing the look on your face as you caught up with him, Sam came to a fast halt despite Steve again at the ready to take him down and only a few feet away. He took the phone from your hands and read it quickly, with a laugh so forceful that it came out as nothing more than a squeaky wheeze from the intensity of it. "That's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen!"

Steve ripped the phone from your hand and gave the two of you a shake of his head in disappointment that you were still enthralled in such an offensive site. He didn't want to read what you had found, but knowing that it was likely about him in some way and he couldn't stand to not know the joke. He closed his eyes for a second and took a deep breath to calm his temper, but when they opened again and read the words in front of him, the rage was back.

"Well, that's just perfect," he hissed, pushing the phone into your hands with a shove, "I'm never leaving my room again."

"Hey, at least you're stocked up on movies, right? Maybe just keep it down in there for the rest of us, huh?" Sam shot back, slapping him playfully on the arm, only to take a few steps back in fear when the joke wasn't well received and the chase began again. Once the screaming finally stopped, you turned to make your way back to the living room to get your suitcase, but Steve's hand on your shoulder stopped you cold in your tracks.

"Oh, no, not so fast, (Y/N)," he said with an eerie calmness, "you're going to help me."

"With what, Cap?" you asked cautiously, turning to see the hint of a smile curling at the edge of his lips. All of the sudden, you felt like you might have just given the man a weapon that he never should have been armed with.

"Let's search Tony Stark first."

Cap's Urban Dictionary top definition:

Captain America: When you're engaging in intercourse with a girl, releasing your semen into the condom, removing the condom and then swinging over your head, striking her in the face and then proclaiming, "JUSTICE!"

"Last night was my first Captain America."