Captain America (Rogers x reader)

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Some Language

"Did you find him?" you asked in a panic, running across the hangar, fighting the urge to shake the answer from Tony when he wasn't giving it fast enough. "Tony, please tell me that you found Steve."

"(Y/N), you might want to sit down."

"No," you replied cautiously, taking a few slow steps forward, "I might want to hear what you have to say instead."

He put a consoling hand on your shoulder and walked past you, not saying another word and leaving you alone to enter the quinjet to see the answer you so desperately needed. Steve had been missing for nearly a month, taken by Hydra, and if you were now walking towards his dead body, you'd never forgive Tony for leaving you alone.

"Steve?" you asked almost too quietly. You were scared to hear him answer back, but yet it was all you wanted to hear his voice again. The inside of the jet was unusually dark and a feeling that you couldn't quite place hung in the air. "Steve? Are you here?"

"Go away, (Y/N)."

"Why? What's happened?" You took a few more steps in, but halted at his warning.

"I said go away."

Tears began to fill your vision, hearing him sending you away after being apart for so long, and the tone in his voice wasn't his own. With no idea of what had happened or what you were walking into, you didn't want to push him. "Okay, if that's what you really want, Steve. But I'll be here when you need me." You turned slowly, hoping that he would change his mind, finally relenting to the fact that he didn't want you there.

"Wait...just..." his voice faded, and you heard a shaky sigh from the dark corner of the jet. "Don't go. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it."

"It's okay. Tell me what's going on." You heard a shuffling from where you assumed he was sitting, but it was still too dark to see him. The movements stopped for just a moment before resuming and he came into enough light to see him. The towering version of Steve was gone, replaced by a smaller, thinner, and unassuming version of him; it was Steve before Dr. Erskine's serum. "Steve..."

"Yeah, so this happened..."

Taking a step towards him, you quickly stopped when he reflexively took his own step away, almost like a frightened animal; if anything, you were the one who was now scared. "Why are you backing away?"

"You don't want this. This...me."

"When did I say that?" You pressed, moving forward again. There was only so much distance for him to run, and you would take every inch that you could get. "Steve, don't put words in my mouth. Don't push me away because you think you know what I'll do when you have no idea."

He shuffled quickly to the side in an effort to escape, trying to make a break for it around you, but you hurried to stand in his path. You didn't want to push him at first, but if he was ready to make assumptions about you, how you felt and what you would do, then now you would push back with all the fury you could gather.

"You're not getting out of this jet, Rogers."

"I can live with this, okay?" he snapped, his face flushed in anger now and his fists clenched at his sides. "I can live with this, because I've done it before. But what about this could you possibly want? I'm not Captain America anymore, (Y/N). I'm not an Avenger anymore. I'm just this weak shadow of that guy. I'm nothing."

"Do you really believe that? That you're nothing?"

"I fucking said it, didn't I?"

"Watch your fucking language."

A quiet smile curled at the corners of his lips until it grew and he began to laugh quietly, closing his eyes with a sad resignation that you would fight until you won, and it was best to give up early. "I'm never gonna live that down, am I?"

"Well," you chuckled, "when a kid from Brooklyn who joined the Army tells Tony Stark to watch his language, you can't expect us to forget that too readily can you?"

"I suppose not."

The two of you stood in silence for several minutes, with an immensity of unspoken words crossing the air between you, communicated in your eyes and body language, with you finally reaching out to take his hand in yours. "Is it permanent?"

"I don't know."

"How long has it been?"

"Almost a week."

You nodded and took his other hand as well, gently pulling him towards you. There was no more height difference, with you almost looking down at him. It would take some time to get used to, but you would. You would do anything necessary for him to understand that to you, he was still your Steve; that who he was on the outside meant nothing so long as you had who he was on the inside. "Come on, let's go."

"Go where?"

"It's late, and I'm sure you're exhausted. Let's go to bed and we can talk more in the morning."

"I can sleep in a guest room, it's okay."

"Or you can sleep next to me, because I'm not about to spend one more night without you there."

Steve sighed deeply and pulled his hands away, shoving them into his pockets so that you couldn't retrieve them. His posture was meek and almost shy, turning away to avoid the frustration in your eyes. "(Y/N), are you sure? Are you really sure? I can take it."

"I fucking said it, didn't I?"

"Oh, is that how it is? You can say it but I can't?"

"That's how it is. Don't make me carry you."

He laughed weakly, rolling his eyes as he passed by, sticking out his tongue with a grin. "Too soon, (Y/N). Too soon."

~~~

The next morning when you woke, Steve's arm wasn't draped over you as it usually would be, and you wondered if the events of the evening before were just some cruel dream that your mind had concocted. You were almost afraid to roll over; scared to see that he now wasn't there, or worse yet, that he never had been in the first place. Steeling yourself, you rolled just enough to look, finding him gone, but taking comfort that the sheets on his side were moved and there was an indent where his body had been only very recently.

"Steve?"

"Yeah, I'm uh...I'm in here."

With a shuffled and tired gait, you made your way to the bathroom and jolted quickly awake at the sight, seeing a tall and muscular Steve hunched over the sink, his body shaking with sobs that caught in his throat with each breath.

"Oh, honey. Hey, are you okay?" You asked, hurrying to stand next to him. "Steve, look at me."

"I didn't realize how much I needed to be this person until it was taken away."

"If that's what you need to be happy, then I'm happy too," you gently reassured, rhythmically rubbing your hand on his back and trying to calm him. "You know that I just needed to have you back either way."

"Even with this body, you've always been stronger than me," he smiled, wiping his eyes dry and slowly regaining his composure. "Maybe that's what scared me the most. As that other guy, I had no chance to be even close to you. I didn't think that you'd want to have to deal with that."

"You know that whole 'for better or for worse' and 'in sickness and in health' stuff we said to each other? Did you think that was just for show?"

"Well, kinda," he shrugged with a smirk. "I don't get sick anymore."

"No," you said pointedly, "but I can make your life a hell of a lot worse. Don't test me, boy."

"Yes, ma'am," he replied with a sloppy salute, then sweeping you off your feet and into his arms. "Alright, now that I don't have to worry about needing an inhaler anymore, let's make up for lost time, shall we?"  

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