Imagine If You Assembled The Avengers: Volume 2

At Ease, Soldier (Barnes x reader)

It took a long time to adjust to the cool metal touching your skin without jumping, so thankfully now that he was in almost constant contact with you, it was no longer an issue. If his hand wasn't holding yours, or on your back as you walked, or resting on your leg when you sat next to each other, it was gently draped over your belly, protecting the tiny little version of himself inside.

It had taken Bucky even longer to adjust to the idea of being a father, not believing that it was something he ever wanted until it was before him; it was quickly obvious that there was nothing he wanted more. There was also nothing that terrified him more than this.

After sitting in doctor's offices, therapist's offices, and even Steve's office, you felt like you weren't making any progress to lessen Bucky's fear that he would have a relapse into the Soldier around your baby. He worried that he could wake up in the night and not be present, or that something would set him off and put either or both of you in danger. He worried night and day, and it was taking its toll on everyone in the tower.

"Please, just come to bed," you sighed, turning on the small lamp next to your bed and leaning back against the pillows in complete exhaustion. "If you keep pacing around like this, I'll never get any sleep, and you know how grouchy that makes me."

"I'm sorry, babe, I can't sleep. I'll just go down to the gym." Bucky took a step towards the door but you promptly stopped him, and he knew that your tone of voice wasn't one to be challenged.

"Lay. Down."

"Yes, ma'am."

You held up the blanket for him to slide back into bed, wrapping his arm around you and nuzzling his face into your neck. With a click of the lights, you thought you felt him relax, but it still wasn't enough to calm him into sleep. "Talk to me," you hummed, closing your eyes when you felt his deep voice vibrating through your skin.

"All I do is talk anymore. I don't know what else to say."

"It's just you and me, Buck. There's no judgment here. You're safe telling me anything, you know that." You rolled over to face him, allowing him to see you and know that you were telling him the truth; he relied on seeing your acceptance whenever the topic of the Soldier came up, and even though the room was nearly pitch-black, he could see a hint of light in your eyes and it was enough.

"I could kill you both and not realize it."

"Yes, you could."

He gasped and pulled back, completely appalled that you would so readily agree with him. "(Y/N), how could you say that so calmly?"

"Because it's true."

"Jesus Christ," he huffed, sitting up to hold his head in his hands. "In all this time, I never once thought that you agreed with me. This makes it so much worse."

"Bucky, look at me." He simply shook his head with his hands still hiding his face, but you heard the familiar sniffle and quiet cries behind them. "James, now." He reluctantly turned, and you could see the glistening of tears on his cheeks in the glow of the muted lights through your window. "Just because you could, it doesn't mean that you will. But I can't live unprepared for the day when something might happen. I can't be ignorant to the fact that it could, or I wouldn't be a very good parent. It's exactly the same as what you're doing right now. You're trying to protect us, right?"

"Right," he whispered, his voice tiny and meek and unlike you had ever heard it. "That's the only thing I think about."

"If you destroy yourself with worry about something that may not ever happen, you're going to miss out on what's right in front of you. You're going to miss out on this." You laid back against the pillows again, holding your hand out for him to rest his head on your stomach, hoping it would work to calm him enough to sleep. "Please?"

Bucky very gently rested his head against you, closing his eyes and listening for the little heartbeat that had lulled him to sleep on so many occasions, but instead, he laughed quietly and sat up with a wide smile in sharp contrast to only a moment ago. "That little bugger just kicked me!"

"Of course he did. He knows that mommy's always right and you need to learn your lesson."

He laid his head back down, chuckling with each kick that he felt against his cheek and closing his eyes at the thought of how soon he would be able to see his son in his arms. His arms. His arm. Bucky sighed and his mood shifted again, looking down at his metal hand. "What if he's scared of me?"

"Impossible," you yawned with a small stretch beneath the weight of him on you, "how many kids can say that their dad is an actual superhero?"

"Well...no one's gonna mess with my kid, that's for sure."

"That's the spirit," you yawned again, sinking down into the pillows to finally find your way back to sleep. "Just scare other people's kids."