Changed For The Better

This is me now

"I'm not the soppy type. I have a reputation to maintain, so let's keep this snappy. You're not really a diary. You're more of a, life book. I'm about to start, what could be my final year in the dumping ground, in care all together. You can leave at sixteen, or stay as long as eighteen, it's your choice. And now that Ryan isn't here, there isn't much reason for me to stay" I wrote into my book. It's like a scrapbook of my life. This was the first time I started writing it. I thought, since I can't trust anybody to talk to them, I can trust this book and write it in. I just need to make sure nobody else sees it.

"It's been around two weeks since Chloe and Ryan moved away. We keep in touch, we text every day and coal or FaceTime when we can, but it truly isn't the same. I thought, I might have been able to get over it, instead I've just become a bad person. Or at least that's how everyone else sees me. A bad person.

It isn't my fault. When Ryan left, nobody was sympathetic or sensitive. They just turned everything back onto me, and tried to make me apologise for my actions. But my actions weren't my fault. I was an emotional wreck. They can't blame me for anything I did.

They all started hating me. So I hated them right back. And now, it seems like everyone hates me, so I hate everyone. And that's pretty much how my life changed completely in a matter of weeks.

I spend most of my time in my room now. There's no point in going anywhere else. Only leads to fights and awkwardness and people wanting me gone. I just can't believe I was so naive. Letting myself think that Candi was my friend or that people would have my back.

No. Nobody has my back because I'm in care. Ironic really. Because nobody cares. Nobody that's here anyway."

There was a knock on my door, so I hastily stuffed the book under my pillow and yelled "unless you bring food then you can bog off!"

I stood and watched as the door slowly opened, and Floss stood there looking awkward.

"What?!!" I yelled frustratedly.

"Mike sent me to get you. He says dinner is ready"

"So you thought you could disturb a creative genius at work for that?"

"Creative genius? Are you writing another song?"

"No. Now get lost!!"

"I wish Ryan would come back. Then you'd be nice again!"

"GET LOST FLOSS!"

"No! You're mean and you're a bully and I don't like you anymore!"

That was it. If she won't leave when I ask her to, then I'll have to force her too. I stormed to the door and pushed her back by both her shoulders.

"Ow!"

"Should've left when I asked you to then squirt!"

"I'm telling Mike!"

"Oh boo hoo! Why don't you go cry to your mummy?!" With that I slammed the door. I heard her footsteps running downstairs. Great. Now I'm in for it.

I do feel bad for what I said to Floss, but she should have left when I told her to. It's her fault for getting into my space and not leaving. But she said dinner is ready so I guess I have to go down and face the music. But it's ok. I can handle Mike. I ca handle all of this lot.

I made sure the book was covered by my duvet and pillow before stomping as loud as I could down the stairs. You know, just so that everybody knew that I was not in the mood to be messed with.

"Ooh someone woke up on the wrong side of bed" taunted Sasha as I went to sit down.

"Yeah because I got up five minutes before dinner(!) I said sarcastically before propping my head up so I was facing away from everyone and I could eat my dinner in peace.