Changed For The Better

Moon

(A/N: I know I didn't update yesterday, that being because at the moment my mental health is really suffering, I might do a blog post on it, let me know if that's what you want. Otherwise, I'm sorry, but I really couldn't do it x)

I watched as it became more and more dark outside. I love the autumn and winter season. Getting dark early, being able to get cosy beneath a fluffy blanket. Enjoying a hot drink after coming in from the cold. Lots of cuddles. It's the best.

Except not right now. Right now I am alone, still sitting on the window ledge as the windows become damp with cold condensation. It's not comfortable, but I don't have the motivation to get up and do more unpacking, even though I know I need to.

I know it won't be long before dinner, which might get a bit awkward. Mike was never a good chef, so hopefully Agatha will be the one who makes the meals. I looked across my dark room, wishing someone else was there. I was thinking about Ryan, and how much I would love a cuddle right now.

I slowly slid off the edge of the ledge, and paced over to the bed, where my phone was sitting in my black bag. I undid the zip and pulled the phone out. My background made me feel sad. It was a silly picture of Ryan and I, taken god knows when.

It's weird. I know I can still see him, and will see him most days at school if nothing else, but I still feel really sad about not living with him, even though it was my own choice. It's complicated. I scrolled down to his silly contact picture, which brought a tear to my eye. I called him.

He picked up after just one ring.

"Oh my days Marie I miss you so much" he said quickly down the line before I had the chance to say anything.

"Why didn't you call me?" I asked, trying not to sound upset. I didn't want him to get worried.

"I thought you would be busy unpacking. Have you done it all? What's your room like?"

"Um, yeah, I've done like all of my unpacking already" I lied, looking at all the stuff that was still in the corner of my room. "And you'll see my room and the whole house when you come to visit"

"Is it alright though?" he asked, worriedly.

"Yeah, it's great. It's really big, kind of lonely..." I trailed off at the end.

"I miss you"

"I miss you too"

"Then come back"

"I can't. It's not as simple as that and you know it. But we will get used to this, and learn to ive with it. I'll still see you all the time, and when we have dinner tonight, I'll ask them when you can come over alright?"

"Alright. And you can come over whenever, you know that?"

"Of course" I replied, then there was a short pause. "How is everyone?"

"They all seem fine. They are all downstairs enjoying movie night, I can hear them laughing. Apart from Kazima, after the funeral she went to her room and hasn't been seen since."

"What about you?"

"I'm also just in my room on my own. I wish you were here with me. This space feels so big without you here with me. I hate it"

"Well you'll have to get used to that, we've done it before..."

"Yeah but before, it never hurt this much"

"I don't know what to say Ryan"

"Say you'll come back"

"Ryan..."

"Say you'll think about it..."

"Ryan I can't and you know I can't. Just, remember that I'm still me. This was always coming. There was never going to be a time where we would live together in Ashdene Ridge forever"

"I know. I just wish we could, you know?"

"Well, we have to grow up some time"

There was another slightly awkward pause. I could hear his gentle breathing, at least he's relaxed.

"Anyway, how are you?" he asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I haven't really asked how you're doing since moving in"

"I'm...doing alright" I lied again. I couldn't tell him the truth, it has only been a few hours and I already want to go home, but that's probably just because I'm new here. The dumping ground felt like that once.

"I mean, it's good. Like I said the house is nice, and Mike and Agatha are really helping me settle in"

"Are they with you now?"

"No. They are getting dinner ready"

"Mike cooking? That's not good" he joked. "Good luck with that" he chuckled.

After a short silence, I decided to just be honest. "I miss you" I whispered, shutting my eyes to stop myself from crying. I pulled my knees up to my chest and hugged them closely.

"I miss you too. It already hurts so much. I need to hug you, feel your warmth and experience the love that you hold with you"

"Look out of your window" I said, staring out into the dark.

"What? Why?"

"Just do it"

"Okay, if you say so"

I heard shuffling down the line, and quiet footsteps. Before a screeching sound, must be Ryan pulling back the curtains or something.

"Okay, done"

"Can you see the moon?" I asked, gazing up into the sky at the bright white light hanging above.

"Ummm, yep, I can see it. Marie why are you asking about the moon?"

"Do you remember ages ago, when we were apart for whatever reason, and I told you that whenever you felt lonely, just look up at the moon and you'll know that I'm looking up at the same moon?"

He laughed slightly, and probably smirked. "Yeah, I remember that"

"Well, that's what we're doing. We are looking at the same moon. The same beautiful, bright thing that shines and sparkles, even though it can't see for itself"

"It's not the most beautiful thing here, trust me"

I know what he was getting at, he was being sweet, but it kind of didn't work since we aren't actually together in the same room. It made me smile nonetheless.

"That was cheesy"

"I will always be cheesy. You should know this by now"

"Oh trust me, I do"

"And you love it"

"You know I do" I laughed along. This is why I love Ryan. We just had a deep, kind of sad conversation, then went to sweetness, and now to cheesy and teasing. It's the best. I can be myself and not be worried about him judging me because he is just as weird as I am.