Changed For The Better

Final Days

(A/N: New blog post! https://www.bloglovin.com/@missmariebee/lamda-exam)

*Small Time Skip of a few days*

I woke up, and dread filled my being. Today is a massive day. Not only do I move in with Mike and Agatha today, but it's also Harley's funeral.

I'm dreading it. Actually seeing his dead body in front of me, and knowing that it is my fault that he is in that state. There is no way I can talk to his Dad, because he probably doesn't know. And I'll never be able to know what to say to him.

When they sent out the invites to the funeral, they did ask if I would say a few words, I neither accepted nor declined. I said I would try to come up with something, and I would try my hardest. But what could my final words to Harley be when I'm the cause of his death? What can I say to his family, who haven't only lost Harley, but also lost his mum as well?

The funeral isn't until this afternoon. I have to do all my packing this morning, then go to the funeral, then go to Mike and Agatha's. Today is going to be hard, I can already tell.

Ryan said he would help me with my packing. I said he didn't have to, but he insisted. He wants to help me move away from him, because he knows it's what I want. We got up early, because we knew of everything we had to do today.

I had a black dress with some shoes and stuff, which I hung on the end of Ryan's wardrobe, since mine was going into the attic as Ryan wouldn't be sharing any more. At least not for a while. He had a suit in there as well.

I don't know how Ryan feels about going to the funeral. We were all invited, apart from the younger ones who never met him. Ryan has always hated him, and it wouldn't surprise me if he didn't care that Harley died. Maybe that's why he was okay the other day, until I said I was leaving.

We had boxes and boxes laid out all over our bedroom. Well, Ryan's bedroom. He's going to have to get the walls painted. The room is half and half, different colours on his side and my side. He will have to get rid of it or change it so it looks less weird.

Ryan was sorting out my clothes, folding them up and putting them into a box for me. He wasn't the neatest, but it was nice of him to help. This would have been much harder on my own. I was sorting through some old things.

My guitar and most of my books and school things were all packed away. I was looking through a small memory box I had been keeping. It was just a shoebox which was under my bed after Emily picked the lock on my chest that Mike bought me.

In there were some pictures that used to be strung up on the wall but kept falling down. There were the tickets from skate night and the necklace that Ryan had got me. There was also the remains of the photo of my parents in there. Granted there wasn't a lot, but what was in there really meant the world to me.

It was nice to have a little look through, but if I kept going I would have gotten too emotional too soon. We can save that for later. I placed the box into the one of the bigger boxes and carried collecting all the random crap from under my bed.

----------

We stood in the doorway. He had his arms resting around my waist as we stared into the room. It didn't look the same with just one bed and just one wardrobe, and half of the stuff taken down off the wall. It made it very real. The room seemed so much bigger now that my stuff wasn't there.  Bigger than it ever had in previous times. Maybe this time it's for good.

Luke had put all my stuff into his car, then after the funeral, Mike is picking me up while Luke drives my stuff over, so it will be there waiting for me when I get there. Basically, as soon as we leave to go to the funeral, that's it. My time at Ashdene Ridge is over.

Ryan's POV

We stared into the room, only this time I managed to hold back my tears. I have to be strong for her, at least for today. I don't know how she is going to hold up at the funeral, but I want to be there for her, and not a crying mess.

I'm really upset, but she can't know that. I have to be as happy as I can today, well, as happy as can be classed as acceptable. I've been worrying recently. It's only been a couple of days, but Marie has been off her food, which is showing.

I guess that's only natural though. She is grieving and everyone handles that type of pain in different ways. She'll get better with time, at least I hope she does. I'll help her. Well, as much as I can.

Tonight I will go to bed in a separate room to her, a separate house altogether. We will fall asleep under different roofs, and I know she will struggle. It won't be easy for her to go to the funeral after what Harley said to her. She won't sleep well tonight.

----------

Marie's POV

We loaded up Luke's car with all my stuff. I never really realise how much stuff I actually have. Considering I arrived here with one rucksack and one suitcase of stuff, I've got a lot. Much like memories, I arrived here with few, and what I did have weren't good ones. I'm leaving here with many, many more happy memories, as well as a colossal amount of bad ones. I think the bad ones definitely outweigh the bad.

I headed back to Ryan's room. It sounded weird saying that. My dress was hung up, so I took it down and off the coat hanger before getting changed. It was black and not long, but not short either. It was appropriate. It was short notice so we didn't have much time to get anything better to wear, but I didn't mind.

I wore my school shoes and some white socks and had a black bag with me. A small one, just for my phone. I would have brought my keys, but what's the point? I'm handing them in today. I tied half of my hair up and left the rest down. I pinned some loose strands up with a black clip that Candi loaned me.

I feel like I look stupid, but this is for Harley. I feel stupid for going to his funeral. It's my fault he is dead, so I can't exactly show up at his funeral without shame can I? I don't know what the others will say, but by now I don't care.

Usually leavers get a party, but we decided not to, for obvious reasons. It didn't feel right to celebrate that I'm leaving and wish me luck, when everyone at the party wouldn't care about me leaving and probably wanted me to go.

I wrapped a black cardigan around myself and looked in the mirror, for what would probably be the last time. I took a deep breath, trying not to cry. I just need to pay my respects and grieve. I saw Ryan come in behind me and stand in the doorway wearing a nice suit.

"It's time to go" he said softly. I nodded and picked up my bag before he wrapped an arm round me as we made or way out to the minibus.