Changed For The Better

TW: The Way You Dress

After we got back from school I headed straight to the bathroom, and, like Ryan had said, I was covered in chalk and charcoal. I might as well have been sweeping chimneys for goodness sake! My tie and jumper were both covered in chalk as well, which was visible against the brown. That's going to be such a pain to get rid of.

I was in the bathroom for ages. I managed to clean my face just fine, but then wiping everything off my clothes took forever. I had damp patches all over me but I couldn't tell if the stains were still there beneath them. I gave up. There's nothing else I can do apart from hope.

Anyway, I went back into our room and started looking through my wardrobe to see if I had anything suitable to wear for the party on Saturday. I'm not much of a party person, actually I've never been to a party before in my life. But I know the sort of things they are expecting us to wear. You know, sparkly dresses, wavy hair that sort of thing.

Basically, everything I hate wearing. But this is a one off opportunity, might even make some new friends there and increase my social circle. I'll get more people to hang out with outside the dumping ground, which will be good considering I might not be living there much longer.

I rifled through my wardrobe and realised there really wasn't anything in there. I might have to go, shopping at some point, which kind of sucks. I had a couple of bits that might have worked, but they were from ages ago. I can't even remember why I have them.

I held up this black, stripy dress that I have for whatever reason. I was looking at myself in the mirror, and had maybe two or three other things laid out on my bed, which I was planning on trying on. Ryan came in as I held the dress up to me and judged wether it would be good enough or not.

"What are you wearing to the party?" I asked Ryan.

"Haven't decided yet" he replied simply as he sat down on his bed and started doing some homework or something on a bit of paper.

"Have you not even thought about it?"

"Nah."

"You should. This is a big deal"

"It's a party"

"It's going to be the party of the year Ryan. It's where we are going to meet a load of cool people and make a load of new friends"

"What are you on about?"

"Honestly, I don't know. But this is a big thing. I've never been to a proper party before"

"Well, I can see it's going to your head. Calm down yeah? It might not even be that good"

"Oh I'm sure it will be good. If it's being thrown by the most popular girl in our year! It will be great. So, what are you wearing?"

"Think about that on the day"

"That's easy for you to say. Your whole wardrobe is cool, stylish clothes that would be great at any party. Mine, well, isn't"

"You'll look perfect in whatever you wear"

I hesitated. I didn't know what to say to that. I couldn't just say thanks, that would be way too arrogant. But then I couldn't disagree because then he would start going on about it. Even though I do disagree.

"What do you think of this one? Does it look okay?"

"Looks amazing. Now can we please talk about something else?"

"No Ryan. I have to get this look absolutely perfect"

"Why? Who are you trying to impress?"

"Nobody"

"Then dress for yourself, don't dress for other people or you'll end up uncomfortable and miserable for the whole time"

I thought about what Ryan said. I mean, he was right. If I dressed how I wanted to dress I was more likely to be,happy, but then I was also more likely to get picked on by other people, which would make me unhappy. But then if I did the whole, heels and a dress thing, I wouldn't be comfortable the whole time. I would feel too exposed and probably trip and fall or have it digging in or something.

Why is being a girl so hard? Why can't there just be an international rule, where anybody can wear anything and nobody judges them for it, whatever the situation? I know why, because that would be in an ideal world where hate doesn't exist at all. Sadly, that isn't a world where we live in, and I don't think it ever will be.

I gave up looking through outfits and put them all away in the wardrobe again. Maybe I can do what Ryan said. I'll just think about it on Saturday. Besides, the part isn't until evening so we have the day if we need it to go out and buy something.

I then decided I had to go and speak to Jody. I need to talk to her about what she wrote on the wall and ask why she did it. If she wanted to pick on me, she could pretty much do it any time, we live together. Instead she decides to write it on the wall in a place where I might never have gone and never have seen it. It's like she wanted everyone to see it apart from me, which doesn't make sense at all.

I knocked on her bedroom door and waited until she said I could come in. She obviously didn't know it was me, and when she saw me, she didn't look too pleased.

"What do you want?" She asked rudely from where she was sat on her bed, flipping through a band magazine.

"I saw what you wrote" I said. She closed the magazine and placed it down beside her.

"And I meant it" she said, as she stood up.

"What?" I chocked. This is now how I expected this conversation to go.

"You think you're it don't you? You think you're so much better and more worthy than everyone else here"

"What? Jody I..."

"Forget it!" She was pretty much yelling by this point. "I've been trying to show you how worthless you are. Bring you down a leg or two. Get the others to see that all eyes shouldn't be on you! But you didn't get it so what else could I do?"

"I still don't get it Jody what did writing on the bathroom walls achieve?"

"Of Course you don't get it. You don't understand anything and you don't know me."

"What has that got to do with asking me to kill myself?"

She shrugged. "Dunno. Just thought the world would be a better place if you did"

With that, she sat back down on her bed and opened the magazine again. "Close the door on your way out"