Changed For The Better

Evening

I went downstairs when called down for dinner. It was kind of late for dinner, if you ask me. But this isn't my house, not my rules. It's not my choice and I'm sure I'll get used to the later mealtimes. As I approached the dining room, I could smell a multitude of amazing scents, which only just made me even more hungry than I already was.

I stopped in my tracks as I walked into the room. They had the table laid out all fancy with a white tablecloth and everything. There was table confetti all over the place, and a big banner that read "Welcome Home Marie!"

One of the chairs had balloons on it, like a children's birthday party. Mike was standing there, looking at me, with a smile on his face.

"What do you think? We thought we would do something special to celebrate you moving in"

The problem was, I didn't feel like celebrating or having a good time. I just wanted to have some food so that I don't die, then go up to bed again and be sad. But Mike looked so hopeful, so I decided to play up to this. It wouldn't do me any harm anyway would it?

"I love it!" I said, plastering on a fake smile. "Did you really do all this for me?"

"Of course we did! This is a big deal for us, we're very happy that you're here!"

As if on cue, Agatha walked in from the kitchen area, carrying a dish of something...I'm not sure what, but it looked and smelled delicious. It perked me up a little, that's for sure. She set it down on the middle of the table and we all sat down.

She smiled as she served me a large piece of, what looked like a vegetable, saucy...thing. I really didn't know what it was. Mike also poured me out some lemonade. They both sat down opposite me, smiling as we began to eat.

Is this what it feels like having your own family? All the attention is on you? I don't know if I like it. It's almost intimidating. Maybe it's just the nerves. This is all so new to me.

"So Marie, how is your room coming along? You're being very quiet up there" Agatha commented.

"Well, I was unpacking" I said truthfully. "I didn't get far before I got a call from an old friend, so I really haven't done much"

I know I shouldn't lie, but I didn't, I simply avoided the truth. Besides, they don't really know me yet. They don't need to, and probably don't want to, hear me rambling on and on about emotions already. Let's save that until I have something specific to ramble about.

"Will we be meeting any of your friends any time soon?"

"I hope so, if that's okay with you guys"

"Your friends are always welcome here. We want this to be like a proper home"

I smiled again before getting on with eating. I don't feel like talking right now. I want to be sad, like I've said, but it seems all she wants to talk about is happiness and friends and proper families. I get it, she's excited, but she could b a bit more sensitive. I was at a funeral only a few hours ago.

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After dinner, I said I was full and didn't want dessert, which was true. Well, I didn't want dessert but I wasn't full really. I just didn't feel like having a treat, given the circumstances. Today I'm going to let myself be sad, then tomorrow I'm going to move on. What's that saying? The sun will rise and we will try again or something like that.

I went over to my phone and was about to check for messages, but instead I turned it over and put it back down again on the bedside table thing I have. I can't be too clingy now. Time to grow up and get on with my life. If I were an adult I couldn't get hung up on something like this. I'll see him soon, and I'm fine with that knowledge. For now, I need to unpack, otherwise I'll be up late tonight trying to find my pyjamas in and among all these boxes.

It's a lot like when you're clearing out your room. You pick something up thinking it's meaningless and that you are ready to get rid of it, then suddenly, just as you're putting it somewhere, you get a flashback, and stand there rethinking everything for a few minutes, before deciding you absolutely  must keep this thing or so help you you'll cry about it.

It's kind of like that. I got rid of some stuff when I left so it wasn't so much sentimentality, just memories of the dumping ground. A big part of me wants to go back but another part of me knows that I am better of where I am now. I'm not crawling back again now, not after all of this.

I decided to start with clothes. Clothes are easy. Take them out of the box, put them on a coat hanger, hang them in the wardrobe and you're done. That was what I thought at first, and to be fair, for a while it went alright.

I got through most of a massive box of clothing without a problem. Only when I reached my arms down right towards the bottom, I felt something that I didn't recognise. It was soft but unfamiliar. It also felt quite thick and big, so I used both hands to pull it out.

I took one look at it, then started crying. It was one of Ryan's hoodies. I don't remember packing it, but it was the grey one that he let me wear when I was ill or if it was really cold out. It was the same one he left behind when he went to America.

I held it closely to me, and took in the scent. It still smelled like him. I quickly grabbed a pair of pyjamas, got changed into them then slid the hoodie on over the top of it. It was warm, and kind of felt like he was giving me a hug, it was the closest I could get right now anyway.

I gave it and got my phone. Turning it over and viewing a couple of messages from Ryan, the last one from only a few minutes ago:

R: Are you back yet? x

R: Marieeeeeeeeeeeee xx

R: I love you x

M: Sorry I'm here, and I love you too. I was just doing more unpacking x

R: I thought you were pretty much done?? Why didn't you just leave the rest until tomorrow? It's getting pretty late

M: Never mind that. Did you put your hoodie in one of my boxes?

R: Maybe ;)

M: Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy???????

R: Because that's what bpyfriends do, especially when they don't live with their girlfriend any more

M: But what if you need it?

R: If I'm cold, I'll think of you, and you wearing it, and I'll warm right up x

M: That was so cheesy, but also really cute x

R: Sorry Marie, Luke is coming round and making sure we are all asleep. Are you alright?

M: Considering the situation, I think I'm doing okay. And it's fine, you go to sleep and get some rest. I'll text you tomorrow xxx

R: Alright, goodnight princess x

M: Goodnight, my knight in shining armour xx