Changed For The Better

Moving In

Mike and Agatha lead me out to their car, and were shortly followed by Mai Lee, Luke and Ryan. The others went ahead and got into the car, giving me a moment to say my goodbyes. Even though it wasn't really goodbye, because I'm going to be back here all the time anyway.

Still, tears stung my eyes nonetheless. I turned to Ryan and threw my arms around him, with such a force that he stumbled back a bit before wrapping his arms securely around me as he steadied himself. We sniffed at the same time, which then made me giggle.

We pulled away and I looked up yo see his eyes slightly red. I used my hand to wipe away a stray tear that was rolling down his cheek. "It's okay to cry" I whispered as I rested my forehead against his. "It's okay to cry"

Ryan leant down and closed the gap between us. I kissed him back immediately. It was gentle and caring, but short. Luke and Mai Lee were standing right there,, and Mike and Agatha weren't far away in the car either.

We wrapped our arms around each other again and I buried my face in his chest. I breathed in heavily. This might be the last time I smell Ryan in a while, which sounds weird but I am going to miss it.

"Promise me you won't leave me now. You'll visit and call all the time and you won't..."

"Ryan you'll see me at school" I said through tears. "You'll see me all the time and you'll come over all the time. Things between us won't change, okay? I just need to not be here, you know this"

"Yeah I know. I'm just so scared of...."

"SShhh, it's okay. You'll hear from me soon."

"You'll call me as soon as you get there..."

"Of course I will. Ryan I'm not letting you go, okay? I'll talk to you all the time, please trust me on this..."

"I do, and I'm really happy for you"

I suddenly remembered everyone around us. I looked at Ryan, and he seemed to know what I was thinking. We shared one final hug before I walked a few paces slowly down the driveway.

I turned back, and awkwardly waved to Luke and Mai Lee, who both nodded and smiled in return. I'm glad the others aren't here to see me go. They know I'm leaving. They don't care. And for once, I'm perfectly okay with that.

I turned back to the car, and walked over to the back door. I paused for a second, with my hand on the handle, before taking a deep breath and opening the door. It was almost like I was opening the door to a new stage in my life.

Once I was in, I rolled the window down a bit and waved at them. Ryan was crying properly now, which made me cry as well. I waved as the car drove away, until I couldn't see them any more.

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Mike and Agatha were silent from the front seats. I was sat sobbing in the back. I just want to arrive, find my bed, and lie in it. I need to grieve for Harley. I need to rest. I need some time before anything else changes or happens.

We had only been driving for a few minutes before my phone vibrated from in my hand. I looked down to see Ryan's face on the screen, and the text message that he had just sent me.

R: Miss you already :( xx

M: I'm here Ryan. It's only been a few minutes x

R: Already feels like forever

M: What are you doing now?

R: I'm sitting in our room on my own

M: Your room

R: Our room

M: Ryan, it's your room now, it always has been. I was only ever there temporarily don't forget x

R: It still feels so big without you here, and you'll be back, and then this will be your room as well

M: You can't tell yourself things like that Ryan xx I'm sorry x

R: Why not?

M: Because there is no saying that it is true, you might just be setting yourself up for disappointment xx

R: But I'll see you soon any way xx

M: Yes you will and I'm sorry but we have just arrived so I have to go..

M: I love you xx

R: Love you more xx

I turned my phone off and put it back into my handbag. I wiped the tears off my face just as we pulled up the driveway of the familiar looking house. This is when I realised that I hadn't even been here for a home visit yet. I've only ever been here once, and that was for a quick visit where we spent most of the time in the garden. My room could be the size of a cupboard or something and it would be too late for me to back out now.

Mike opened the door for me to get out of the car, which made me feel like a young child.

"Welcome to your new home" he said happily. Not is not a time to be happy for me, I just want to be alone and sad. Indulge in sadness for a while and allow myself to feel it. "Who would have thought you would be living here, eh kid?"

I sort of smiled at him in response because I couldn't think of anything to say. Luke had already dropped my things off earlier on today, before the funeral, so I didn't have any luggage with me to unpack.

We began to go in. It looked nice enough on the inside, although a bit big. It must have been quite lonely for just the two of them. Maybe that's why they were interested in fostering me, and not because Mike knew me or whatever.

On the inside, the house was quite modern, which I liked. It was spacious with a nice kitchen diner, joined onto a lounge with an armchair, an 'L' shaped couch and a TV as well as some French windows, leading out to the garden.

They lead me upstairs and showed me the bathroom, which was even bigger than the one at the dumping ground and had shiny marble surfaces. This house must have been built really recently or something. Either that or they had it done up recently.

They showed me to my room. It was massive. The bed wasn't a double, but it was bigger than a single. There was a massive wooden wardrobe, not a cheap one, a good quality one. It matched the desk and chest of drawers. There was also a smaller set of drawers, acting as a bedside table and a massive windowsill.

There were three windows together, that formed half of a hexagon shape in the wall. This meant there was space to sit on the windowsill, which you could lift up to reveal a storage space beneath the seating part which was topped with cushions. It was pretty cool.

My stuff was all in one part of the room, ready to be sorted out by me. mike and Agatha left me to it. I felt a bit better having seen how amazing this house is, but no matter how great a house is, it may still never feel like a home.