Changed For The Better

TW: Commitment

"...was announced dead, before he arrived at the hospital. Just before his tragic death, as you can see, he is speaking on the phone to a mystery caller, it may never be known, who herd his last words. Our love goes out to his friends and family, and of course, to Harley Richards."

"Turn it off" I said. It was late afternoon. I had come out of my room and Luke was out picking up the younger ones from school. We had the news on and were watching for updates. It was that report that confirmed it. This isn't a dream. That building wasn't maybe not as high as it looked. Harley was in fact dead. It's my fault.

Until now, I still had peace of mind, a bit. You know I still told myself that maybe he was in fact alright and maybe it wasn't my fault. Maybe he would be okay. But no, he wasn't okay. He'll never be okay again. Ryan reached over to the remote, and turned it off.

"Proud of yourself are you?" Jody snapped, her point directed at me.

"Leave Marie out of this" Ryan said sternly, Tyler nodded along with him.

"No Jody is right" Sasha added. "This is Marie's fault"

"Wait, how?" Tyler asked.

"Isn't it obvious? That photo clearly had something to do with it"

"You can't blame me for that" I squeaked. My voice was tired from crying.

"But it was your fault!" Jody shouted as she stood up, Sasha quickly joined her. "You killed Harley! You and that stupid photo that lead to his suicide!"

"That wasn't the only thing...."

"Well what else did you do to the poor guy?! You are the only person he spoke to! You were the person he was on the phone to when he died! You must have done something! This is all your fault!"

"You don't think I don't know that?"

"Marie, no" Ryan stated.

"No Ryan they are right, and they deserve to know what Harley said to me on the phone"

"What, did he say?" Everyone was staring at me.

"He, he said...well he said what you said" I said, trying not to cry again. "He told me he blamed me and then he...Well..you know the rest"

"Well I hope you are happy!"

"I don't want to live with someone like you!"

"You must hate yourself!"

"How can you live with yourself!?"

"Disgusting!"

I saw this coming. It was their natural reaction and it was a fair one. Harley blamed me, so it must have been my fault. There is no way to possibly deny that. But sitting in the room where I watched him die, surrounded by people who say me see him die, it feels wrong. This is never going to be the same place again.

They were throwing things at me, and I felt the impact of each and every one like a blade to the skin. I can't stay here. I couldn't before, so what about now? Now that they all hate me even more then they did before? I can't be here. None of them want me here. I would be doing everyone a favour.

Saying that makes me realise that it would be way better if I had died. It still would. I mean yeah, maybe Ryan would be upset for a bit!but he would get over it. He is so amazing!he could have pretty much any girl he wanted. And it wouldn't take long to find someone better than me who could easily fill my shoes, and then some.

The others would be relieved. They would be happy that I'm finally gone for good. I'm pretty much a boomerang. I keep leaving and coming back. They are probably sick of me by now. If I left they would all be way happier, and I would be better off without them. It's not like they actually need me here for anything anyway.

They carried on spitting words at me, which I couldn't hear because there were so many. I gave up. With tears in my eyes I ran through to the office where Mai Lee was sat. She looked up at me as I burst in. She was shocked, and doing some work of some sort. The others followed me through, but not quick enough.

"I want to be fostered by Mike and Agatha"

Her jaw dropped. "Are you sure? Marie this is a big thing..."

"Yeah yeah it's a big thing I know. But they wouldn't have offered if they didn't want me to live there. And I could always come back" I said, knowing full well that I don't want to be here any more. Anywhere is better than here. So I wouldn't be wanting to come back.

"Well, if you're sure. This is excellent news. I'll get in touch with them and see when you can move in"

I turned round and looked at everybody stood in the doorway. They all looked gobsmacked. I'm surprised they weren't all high fiving or something. They can't seriously pretend after all that that they didn't want me to go? I mean, even if they did I would never believe them.

I looked over at Ryan. He was the most shocked of all. He was just staring at me as if I had murdered somebody. But today isn't about me. It's about Harley. We all just stood there. They all stared at me, I looked at them all. God knows what Mai Lee was doing.

As if on cue, the front door unlocked and in came Luke with all the younger ones. They all happily skipped inside, absorbed in their conversations. They were all so blissfully oblivious to what was happening and what has been happening today.

Luke followed them in, and came and stood behind everyone. "What's going on? It's like Piccadilly Circus in here"

What was that for? Now isn't the time for jokes! He was there this morning, he knows what happened. He doesn't have to be so happy about it . Nobody said anything. It was kind of awkward, specially since he was so happy, and none of us were.

I looked back at Ryan who had glazed over eyes. He shook his head slowly and then ran off up the stairs. Luke called after him but it was no use. I sighed and pushed my way through everyone, earning a few groans on my way, before I followed Ryan upstairs and to where he was in our room.