Changed For The Better

Runaway

I did barricade the door in the end just to be on the safe side. I used some of the junk that was in the room and I'd say it worked quite effectively. I don't know if Clive was joking or what he's insinuating, but I'm not taking any chances. I don't know these people. Like, I only just met them. I can't believe I'm going through with this whole thing and actually living with them for the night. This is so unlike me, how did I allow myself to go through with this? I should have just stayed away from Clive. Run away the second he approached me.

The sooner I can get out of here the better. Tomorrow, I'll go get some food and then I'll go as far as I can. I want to be away from everyone. I need to find some place to stay on my own where nobody is helping me and there is nobody to be afraid of. I know that if I go anywhere to get help, they'll just send me back to the care home. I need to do this alone. The best thing I can do is find my own abandoned house to live in. But that's hardly likely.

I wonder what's going on at the dumping ground by now. I mean it's dark so it's probably late so they're probably asleep, but I wonder if anybody knows I'm not there. And if they have noticed, then what did they do?

Did they send out a search party like they did last time? Did they get in touch with Ryan and ask him to use his stalker app again to find me? And if they did, did they realise I left my phone behind?

Maybe they think I was kidnapped and have called the police. Or more likely, they noticed my clothes had gone and they know I ran away on purpose and have informed the police, who can get those cool dogs to track me down.

Who am I kidding? It won't be anything that exciting. They probably just decided to leave it until tomorrow and then Luke will come out in his car looking for me. He won't find me though. Not if I'm this far away.

I mean, I don't know how far away I am but it's a reasonably long bus journey. Besides, they'll look around our home town then give up and call the police or someone to help. It would be cool if I was reported as a missing person, apart from the fact that that would make more people look for me so then I'd be more likely to be found.

As I lay there on the hard ground, I realised how much of a luxury it was living at the dumping ground. Maybe this is what I need. A reality check to show me what life is like for some people, and to bring me down a peg or two. If I was up too many pegs that is.

This must be exactly the sort of life Kazima had before she came to the dumping ground. I don't know too much about it, but I know she was on the streets for a while, maybe ages. How did she stay alive? Did she have friends on the streets or did she always stay alone? I want to stay alone. I'm better off that way.

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I slowly opened my eyes and took a deep breath. The revolting smell of this place reminded me of what I was running away from. My nose has that awful burning sensation in it, and my throats is sore. I'm probably getting ill. Not a surprise really.

I sat up on the floor and instantly felt an aching pain shooting through my body and up my back. Is this really what happens after one night of sleeping without a lovely comfortable bed? You lose all comfort in your joints? I feel like an old man.

I picked myself up off the ground and got my clothes from where they were drying, and shoved them hastily into my bag. They were still quite wet, but they probably won't dry even if they're out for three days so there's no point in leaving them. They'll make the other stuff in my bag wet but I can deal with that. Suddenly, I began to wonder what time it was, and wether everybody else was awake or not.

Slowly, and as quietly as I could, I moved everything out of the way of my door so that I could get out. It felt much heavier than it all did last night and made my shoulders and back hurt even more. Then I stepped gently into the hallway with my backpack on my back and started making my way back towards the staircase.

I wasn't really sure where I was going, but once I got to the bottom of the stairs I just headed in the direction where I thought the door was. I didn't want to risk passing the big room where they all slept, because what if they aren't sleeping? Or what if they are and I wake them up?

Again with the what ifs?!

Anyway, eventually I found the door. It creaked awkwardly loudly when I opened it which made me cringe. It was definitely loud enough to wake someone up so I just ran. I ran in the direction I think I was heading yesterday. It doesn't matter which way I go, as long as I don't go back towards the dumping ground.

It feels weird running when I've been so still for so long and have practically no energy. But I'm not gonna stand around and wait for one of those nasty people to get me. I mean I'm grateful that Clive helped me and all that, but seriously, his friends are like people from my nightmares.

I only stopped running when I came to what looked like a town centre. There were some cute looking shops and all the buildings were stone and old styled and they all matched. It was really cute. This is the type of place I would have liked to have grown up in, not multiple care homes surrounded by other people who are just as worthless as me.

None of the shops were open though, however it is light so it must just be early morning. I didn't shut the front door when I left so I know that the guys will know I've left as soon as they wake up. I hope they don't hate me and try to find me and murder me or something. It isn't likely, but again, I don't know these people.

Anyway, I wondered round for a bit until I came across this market. Again it wasn't open yet and all the tents were still shut up, but I want to look into that once it's open because markets will be nice and cheap which is what I need right now. Some cheap, fresh food and a cold drink to keep me going for the rest of today. I haven't had food in a while but I'm doing fine.

In the meantime while I wait for everything, I just found a little bandstand where I sat on a bench and basically waited for time to go by. It's like I'm an old man or something. Like, I'm just sitting here and waiting for time to pass. It's like, we all wish our lives away. We always, all wish for the next thing to happen and we never live in the moment. It's kind of sad, but that's just our generation I suppose.

Wow that was randomly deep. Let's avoid those thoughts. The only other thing my brain would let me think about was the dumping ground. I have decided, I officially hate that place. I know they cared for me, but note, cared, past tense.

It feels like the longer I lived there, the more I grew and changed. Obviously everyone changes over time. But it felt like, as I changed, they started to like me and care for me less and less until now, I just don't feel like there was any point in me living there. I'm just as well off now as I was when I lived there. Might as well be on my own where nobody can get to me or bring me down.

"Marie!!"

I whipped my head round in fear. I thought Clive's friends had found me and they were going to beat me up or something.

It wasn't much of a relief when I saw Luke and Gemma running over to me. I panicked and got up and ran in the opposite direction. I don't want them to bring me back. How did they find me? I was so careful! And why does my social worker have to be here?! Why is she always involved in everything when she's never there for me when I need someone!?

"Marie just don't!" Luke yelled desperately. I'm not falling for that one. I didn't even look backwards, I just carried on running. My rucksack is so heavy but I can't ditch it because then I wouldn't have any fresh clothes to change into or my money or anything!

I don't know how long I was running for or how long I ran, but I knew if I stopped they would catch me and I can't let that happen. My knees were shaky, I haven't eaten in probably 24 hours.

I should have stayed with Clive and the others. They were scary yes, but they obviously got food and water somehow. But I feel like I was safer there with them, then out here. And they were hidden away so Luke would never have found me. Why are they out looking so early in the morning anyway? And how did they know I would be here?

I was still running, but I could taste blood in my mouth and my throats was dry. The air seemed to be thicker and it was getting harder and harder to breath. I could vaguely hear Luke somewhere, but it was quiet, he was far away. I still wasn't safe though.

I began to feel dizzy as though my head was spinning around. I was trying just as hard but I knew I was slowing down. It feels like my entire body is shutting down, bit by bit. This can't be happening. Not now! My vision began to go blurry and it was as if the earth was tipping from beneath me. Then suddenly, everything went black.