Changed For The Better

Sad Face

After dinner, and after trying some of the nice cupcakes, Ryan and I headed back to my room and just talked for a while longer. Unfortunately, it began to get dark so Ryan had to leave. He refused to accept a lift from Mike or Agatha though. I'm not sure if that was out of politeness or if he just wanted to avoid more questions from Agatha.

"So, do you approve of my makeshift family?" I asked as we stood by the front door.

"They seem nice" he said. "So I guess I can be happy for you staying here, but I will be keeping a close eye"

"I know you will, but that is fine because everything here is good"

"I'm glad to hear it. You'll have to visit me soon. Luke said you can come back whenever. You don't even have to ring ahead and let us know, just urn up whenever okay?"

"Okay, and I will"

"Good. Anyway, I really do need to get going. I'll see you tomorrow morning"

I leant in and gave him a quick peck on the lips. "Yeah, I'll see you in the morning"

He smiled at me before turning and opening up the door. He slowly walked out into the cold, and disappeared into the darkness outside. As soon as he was out of sight, I shut the door, and turned round and leant on it, feeling a strange satisfaction.

Happy. For the first time in ages, I felt happy.

This is like that moment in a film where the main character has just had a great first date and is now feeling on top of the world, except this isn't a first date. I stood like that for a few minutes with a stupid grin plastered across my face the entire time.

But then slowly, I felt it fading away, and soon it was replaced with a miserable frown. It was lonely as soon as he was gone, even though I wasn't alone. I sighed and dragged myself up to my room, suddenly not feeling anything apart from emptiness.

I went into my room and closed the door behind me. I didn't bother switching the light on at all. What's the point? I know what the room looks like, and it is only me in here. Nobody else to see. No more expressions to read.

I wondered over to my drawers and pulled out some pyjamas, a vest and shorts. I also got out a hoodie and put that on over the top since this room is so cold. I went to the windowsill and at on it, leaning against the wall and staring out of the window into where it was getting darker and darker outside.

I put the hood up and relaxed in the warmth of the hoodie, despite the fact hat it was actually really cold. It's becoming winter now, you can tell because the window is already becoming condensated and it isn't even night time yet.

I used my finger to draw a sad face on the window, then folded my arms over my legs which were up by my chest. I was about to bury my head, when there was a knock at the door. I looked up to see Agatha walk in carrying the blanket that she made.

"I've finished your blanket!" she beamed as she put it down on the end of my bed. She looked up, probably wondering why I hadn't said anything. "Hey what's wrong?" she asked as she came and sat down beside me, seeing the sad face on the window.

"It's nothing" I said as I unfolded the hood.

"Oh no, Ryan hasn't upset you has he? I thought you too were having such a good time today..."

"We were. We were having the best time actually"

"Well what is the problem then?"

"I don't know. I just feel a bit sad now that he is gone. Is that weird?"

"No, not at all. Relationships are like that you see, and it's bound to be hard when you are so used to being around him all of the time" she said as she wrapped her arms about me and pulled me into her. "And I am sure that as soon as he got home, he would have started feeling exactly the same way"

"He won't be home yet" I smiled, trying not to cry.

"Marie, he left over an hour ago, surely he is"

"What? No he only just left now" I said. she shook her head. "I was getting the last work done on the blanket when I heard you talking by the front door"

I guess I must have been deep in thought for longer than I thought I had. That's weird. Maybe it is really late. Maybe I should be going to bed.

"Why don't you call him?" she asked, bring me back into reality.

"No I couldn't do that" I said.

"Why not?"

"I don't want to become really clingy. He doesn't need that. He's probably trying to read or something right about now. He won't want to hear from me since we only just saw each other"

"That's not how it sounded to me when you guys were saying goodbye earlier"

"He would never let me know it, but I know I annoy him"

"I really don't think..."

"Well I do. Thanks Agatha, but I think I'll stick to moping around and drawing sad aces on the window for now. But thanks"

She didn't say anything. But she did stand up, got the blanket and wrapped it round my shoulders, before smiling at me and leaving me alone. I'm grateful for Agatha and thankful for how much she shows me she cares.

I held the blanket closer to me. It was really soft and felt like a massive warm hug. It was the cosiest thing ever, apart from a real hug from Ryan of course.

Maybe Agatha was right and he did miss me too. But then again, why would he miss me when he has everyone else at the dumping ground to talk to? Why would he miss his clingy, annoying, needy girlfriend where there are better people to be talking too, and people who he wuld much rather spend his time with?