Changed For The Better

I Tried

Ryan and I were sitting at the dining room table. We both had hot chocolate and there was nobody else in the room which was good. We were sitting opposite each other and talking abut what happened with Harley the other day.

"So what exactly did he say?"

"I don't remember exactly, but I know you aren't going to like it"

He took hold of both my hands over the table. "Marie, it's okay. Just talk to me"

I sighed "Look, I don't know how, but somehow he knew about you and me"

"What? How?" Ryan sounded more confused than angry. To be fair, he never wanted to hide our relationship at school. That was always me.

"I don't know, but somebody must have said something. But it makes what he did so much worse"

"What do you mean?"

"He knew I was taken Ryan. He knew I was with you and he still tried to kiss me, twice!!"

"Twice?!"

"Oh yeah, I'm sorry. He also tried to kiss me that time at lunch. But don't worry nothing happened..."

"I trust you"

I smiled as he interrupted me. That line is becoming so true to me at the moment. "Thank you. But that isn't the worst of it. You know that girl who tried to kiss you at the party?"

"Yeah" he said uncomfortably.

"Harley knows her. He sent her to try and get me to break up with you, or for you to prefer her over me"

"Wait what?"

"He sent her to break us up so that I would be with Harley"

"Why would he do that?"

"I think he thought that I liked him, and that the reason I wasn't with him was because I was with you. So I think he thought that if he could break us up, I would instantly go with him"

"Which...you wouldn't?"

"No of course not"

"Oh phew"

"Ryan what are you worrying for? I'm still with you"

"I know. But I needed to know that if you weren't with me, like if I did something wrong or we broke up, even though I would rather you be with me, I would want you to be happy. If that meant you couldn't be with me then fair enough, that's okay as long as you're happy. But if you were going to be with Harley, I would have to step in because I know you would never be happy with him."

I was a bit speechless for a few moments. He was way too ready for that. But why is he going on about what would happen if we weren't together?

"Anyway, I'll explain fully what happened" I said "So I went over to Harley's house but instead of staying there, he made us go somewhere else. He lead me to the graveyard where his Mum is buried. I tried to tell him about you and me, but then when he told me he knew, well I got offended. He was asking what was wrong with him, and well, I told him then stormed off"

"What did you tell him?"

"Really bad things. I won't say what but I definitely took it too far"

"Well I'm sure whatever you said, he deserved it" he replied, rubbing circles into the back of my hand.

"I don't know. I said a lot of things"

"Well I know that whatever you said, can't have been as bad as what he said to you. And there is no way in hell it could have been as bad as what he did to you"

"I guess"

"Marie, he technically abused you. Please don't act like you are the one who is in the wrong"

"I know I know. But I still feel bad"

"What are you going to do now then? School is going to be really awkward"

"I'll talk to him tomorrow. I've been thinking and we have to sort out where we stand and go from there2

"Where do you want to stand?"

"Well I want to be there for him because of what he is going through but I feel like a friendship between us would only be toxic"

"You shouldn't feel obliged to be friends with him just because you have been through some of the same things. He can't expect to do whatever he wants to you and the still have you as a friend just because his Mum died"

"I know, but I feel like he wouldn't have gone so far if he hadn't lost his Mum. Do you know what I mean? And maybe we can still sort it all out"

"Okay Marie, I'm going to be very honest with you right now. I think, the longer you chase after Harley, the more you are going to get hurt. You need to know where you stand, but you also need to know that Harley's problems belong to him. You don't have to be the one to make things better. You're a kind hearted and loving person and that is why you want to help him, and everyone. But you've tried your best. You've had you're go now let somebody else help him. You've done you're best, time to let it go and let him deal with it how he chooses"

I thought about that. I did try. But I also failed. I thought that I was the only person in the world who would understand him and be able to help him. But you don't have to have been through the same things as someone to be able to help and support them.

Anyone can help Harley, he just has to let them. I'm not sure he will though now, not after that photo was uploaded and shared and everybody hates him. I didn't even get a chance to mention it to him before, but if he has seen it then he must be feeling terrible.

If anything, I at least hope he feels terrible for what he did because that will hopefully mean that he never does it again. But I bet the hate is really getting to him. I hope he is okay, but then again I hope he isn't. He doesn't deserve the hate he is getting, nobody does. But he deserves to feel the guilt that the hate is giving him.