Changed For The Better

Ruined

"You idiot!" I screamed at Luke as I pushed him backwards down the corridor.

"I'm sorry Marie I'll buy you a new top...I'll buy you two new tops.."

"You can't buy one like this! This one was special!"

"Look I'm really sorry..."

"Careworkers always are!" I yelled as I threw the top at him. Somehow, the idiot had failed at ironing it and had melted all of the pattern on the front. I haven't even worn it once and it's already ruined. That just shows what happens when you ask a favour of someone who is supposed to be looking after you.

We were in my room and he had just come in holding the top. I kept trying to push him out but he kept coming back in with more stupid apologies. I had had enough.

"Marie I'll get Ryan to send you a new one..."

"You can't! It won't be as special and he'll think I don't care! Just bog off out of my way!" I shoved him out the door and slammed it in his face.

"I'm sorry" he yelled sadly. "I'll get it sorted"

"Sure you will(!)"

I've had enough of this place. I don't want to be here any more. Not if it's gonna be like this. Where everyone invades your privacy and assumes they know everything about you and think that they can do anything to hurt you but the second you do one tiny thing, you're the one in trouble.

There's nothing left for me here. Not really. Nobody here gives a damn about me, and I don't give a damn about them. Not any more anyway. And Mai Lee isn't here for us today so she can't care that much. She's on a course. Does that mean she's training for another job?

And Mike obviously didn't care. He wouldn't have left us otherwise. But the second he had an opportunity, he was gone. I don't blame him. I would have done the same thing. What hurts though, is that he put us below a bunch of kids he's never met at a home he's never been to.

Why couldn't they just send Luke to their stupid home instead of Mike? Then Mike would still be here, we wouldn't have had to go to the stupid ice skating trip, Luke wouldn't have ruined my top and everything would have been better.

I know Luke says he knows us and all that, but he only knows what's on our file. Mike had actually experienced it all with us and knew it first hand. Not just from what the report in our stupid files said.

And now everyone is gone. And everyone who is here is either mad at me, hates me or just doesn't care. I want to leave. But I can't get fostered because they might not let me see Ryan. I mean I guess they also might be really loving and caring and the best thing to ever happen, but they could also be the worst. It's not worth the risk.

I'm better off on my own. Which is why I stay in my room. This is the only place in the house where nobody else has the right to go. Other than the bathroom but I can't and don't want to stay in there all day.

But now it seems I can't even go a day without being taunted by the others at mealtimes. It's been months since I've felt comfortable around them. And the only times I did really were when Ryan was with me. But now it seems like that's something they're willing to use against me!

Honestly it just feels like this house used to be a family. Once I had been here a while and settled in and all. And then things got better and although we didn't always get on, we were happy and we were a family, even if we weren't a proper one.

But now, Ryan and Chloe, and Mike are all gone and it seems that too many pieces of the puzzle are missing and now I just don't fit in any more. It seems to me like me being here is doing more harm than good. To me as well as everybody else.