Changed For The Better

Ugh

Tutor time always lasts longer on the first day. Like, the first couple of lessons are used in form to give you your new timetable and stuff. But since this year it was all staying the same, instead we were having a lengthy and overwhelming chat about our future with Miss Martin.

"So, from here you must choose where you want to be in the coming years. You could go to college and gain some qualifications in your chosen field of work. You could stay on for sixth form and take A-levels so you can go to university. You could go to sixth form at a different school..."

Blah blah it went on and on. It's only the first day back and she's already asking me to have a plan of what I'm going to be doing in five years time. I don't even know what I'm going to be doing at the end of this year, but apparently I have to make that choice now. What if I make the wrong choice and change my mind and don't want to do it? There's nothing I can do about it then is there?

There's way too much pressure put on us now. The joke is, people say 'oh what's that tattoo gonna look like when you're old and wrinkly?' But the irony is, those people are asking me, no forcing me, to make my entire life's decision at an even younger age than tattoo age! Like, what's my skin gonna look like? I don't care. I'm more worried about what my life is going to look like and what exactly it is I'm going to have to look back on.

What if I go into a career I hate. A dead end job and I'm stuck there my whole life. I eventually retire. And for what? So I can die knowing I achieved nothing of any value to me? Nothing in my life will have been worth the wait. All because I was too young to make the decision when I had to. Too naive to understand anything about growing up or becoming an adult.

"This year there has also been a massive crack down on behaviour and presentation" Miss Martin continued. Here we go. "If you're caught with more than one piercing in the lobe of each ear, detention. If your tie doesn't reach the bottom of your shirt? Detention. If you're caught out of bounds at lunch or eating inside? Detention."

They say this all the time. They say their going to crack down on everything and that it will lead to a detention, but they never do. It's like they know they should be, so they say there are, but they don't actually have the effort to enforce any of the rules they put into place. It's all a waste of time if you ask me.

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After form, I was lucky enough to have music, which is great. It's probably the best lesson to start the year off with. Firstly because I'm good at it, and also because it's easy.

We took our seats facing the board in the middle of the room. Round the edges of the music rooms are desks with piano keyboards rather than normal keyboards so you can use them on the computers.

Ryan and I sat next to each other near the back. What was weird, was that Harley came and sat next to me. I didn't expect him to, specially since Ryan was right there.

I could tell it bothered Ryan a bit, because he was almost inching closer to me and brushing against my shoulder to make sure Harley knew not to talk to me or something like that. I'm not sure.

We listened through another lecture about exams and how the music examination works. Apparently, you have to do a written exam as well as a practical. Now the hell do you write about music? Do we have to write sheet music or something I don't know. I don't get it but we're in this together.

After the long and boring speech, we basically were just watching videos on the board. I can tell this lesson wasn't planned, but again, it's fine by me. I'm happy to sit and watch someone playing piano for forty-five minutes. It's actually kind of relaxing.

We don't have desks in here so I can't lean on anything which is the only annoying thing. I considered resting my head on Ryan's shoulder, and I know he wouldn't mind if I did. But people here don't know about us, I don't think, but even if they did I wouldn't want to draw attention to it.

Instead I sort of rested my head back and tried to find a comfy position, like everyone else was doing. Nobody was paying attention to the video, most people were just chatting. It's like we were in some fancy restaurant and the video was providing the minimalistic piano music in the background. How classy.

"Hey Marie. Long time no see" I internally groaned when Harley started talking to me right in front of Ryan. I forgot how cocky he is.

"Yeah hi" I said shortly, hoping the conversation would end.

"I wasn't sure if you were going to be coming back here" he said. I felt Ryan sit forward in his seat on the other side of me, clearly watching our conversation. "I thought you'd moved schools"

"Yeah well you thought wrong"

"Wow. Guess you haven't lost any of your sass then"

Was that a flirt? It felt like a flirt. What do I say to that?

"You're right about that"

Did I just flirt back? Next to Ryan of all people? Oh no.

"So I guess I'm right about some things"

"Only very rarely. It's a occasion worthy of celebration" is aid, trying to be rude, but he took it the wrong way.

"I agree. Why don't you come to my place later to celebrate?"

"Yeah sorry I'm busy"

"Doing what?"

"Stuff"

"Mysterious"

"Weirdo"

"Hard to get?"

"Impossible"

"I like it"

"Well don't!"

It was frustrating! He wasn't getting the message at all! I huffed and turned to face Ryan fully with my arms folded. He seemed to have just seen that entire conversation and was smirking. Maybe it wasn't flirting after all.

I definitely don't remember Harley being quite that forward, but alright. I don't want to associate with him though. I didn't before,  it now I just want to act like he doesn't exist. Maybe I can give Carmen his number. That would get him off my case for a little while.

It's either that or I go public with Ryan. I don't think I like that idea though. He and I would just both be on the receiving end of a load of grief. You know what people are like. There would just be gossip spread and people taking the mick. I don't need that in top of everything else, you know?

And I wouldn't want to out Ryan through it. He would be knows as the guy who went out with that girl who self harmed and can't sing and left school and was bullied and all that. People would assume he had low standards and was desperate. I don't blame them. I'm not really much of a catch after all.

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A/N

Hey guys! Could you help me? I can't remember (or even find) any of the other teachers' names! If you can remember any let me know, don't go out of your way looking for them. I literally couldn't find them in my own books so..

Also I don't do music at my school, I just assume this is how it works? I'm probably wrong.

Thanks and goodnight

Ily x