Changed For The Better

Giftbox

I sat on the ground with my back to the door, and my knees pulled tightly against my chest. I've messed up. I've messed up big time.

Mike, out of the kindness of his own heart, decided for some reason that I deserved forgiveness. Then I went and pissed all over it by letting him leave without saying goodbye. Well I didn't let him, not on purpose any way.

But in all my rage I decided to keep my pride until it was too late. And now look at me! I'm a mess! I gave all my pride but too much too late. Now they've all seen me in an even worse way then they had to, and we're back to square one. No, we're lower than square one.

"House meeting!" Yelled Mai Lee. This is the worst possible timing. They've all seen me though, if I stay in here then I'll only start to rebuild that same pride that destroyed me. So I'm gonna go down. At least then I'm making some sort of effort, or at least it looks like I am.

I threw Ryan's hoodie on over my normal clothes, cuddled it tight then trudged down to the lounge. Surprisingly I wasn't the last one down for a change. In fact I was one of the first, so I positioned myself on the edge of the sofa and put the hood up to cover my awful hair and most of my face. I don't want them all seeing the mess I am.

----------

Eventually, everyone was in the lounge in an uncomfortable silence. Mai Lee stood up in front of everyone

"Now I know you all loved Mike, and we will all miss him. But tomorrow, we have a new head careworker joining us"

"We don't even get to meet him first?" Asked Toni.

"Not this time. This is an emergency placement, last time they had time to sort something out but this time he's needed straight away"

"Have you met him?" Joseph asked.

"No. He'll be coming tomorrow morning and we can all meet him then. But, despite the fact he's here to stay, we need to make a good first impression so make sure your rooms are tidy and clean and the shared areas are decent enough to not make this place look like a pigsty."

"So that's it then?" I asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Mikes gone and some new, equally as rubbish joker is arriving tomorrow so we have to do chores and act like nothing has happened?"

"Marie, there's nothing we can do to bring Mike back. So all of you, let's move on and embrace what's coming. Welcome the new worker, because he's here to stay wether you like it or not"

I know there's nothing we can do. There's never something we can do. Because they overlook us. Oh look, those kids are in care, now they don't deserve an ounce of control over their own lives. But even that isn't from our control as we didn't choose to be dumped here.

Mai Lee sent us all off to get chores and what not done. I'm not going to bother. My room, sounds weird saying my not our. But my room isn't really a mess since I haven't done much since Ryan left. The only mess is that marker pen on my desk, and I doubt I'll be able to get that off anyway so why bother trying?

Instead I lay down on my bed and faced away from the door. I feel so miserable. And now I have to endure tomorrow, when Mikes replacement comes who I'm sure I'll totally hate anyway.

And somehow, for the millionth time this week, there was a gentle knock at my door, followed by the sound of it slowly opening. I didn't care who it was. I didn't even look.

"Go away" I said gently.

"I came to bring you this" said Candi.

"Whatever it is I don't want it" I replied, assuming it was a cookie or some other lame attempt to cheer me up.